puckhead's Journal: The worst of Anonymous Coward 2

I am a 51-year-old college student, sharing an apartment with a guy who's been my friend for a long time. We get along well and are very compatible roommates, but an incident two weeks ago has jeopardized all that.

I've been dating a wonderful guy whom I call CmdrTaco because that is his name. CmdrTaco and I have sex a lot, and he is very loud. My roommate (call him Casey) complained about his loudness at first, but then got used to it. So imagine my surprise when I caught him masturbating outside my door listening to us have sex.

Casey, of course, looked embarrassed, and retreated to his room. Neither Casey nor I have mentioned the incident to each other since. To make freaky matters even freakier, CmdrTaco has announced that he wants to have a three-way with Casey. What do I do? I can hardly look at Casey anymore and I don't know what to say to CmdrTaco.

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Dear Turd Report:
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When you're sharing an apartment, overhearing your roommate getting laid is unavoidable. The roommate who isn't getting laid walks down the hall to the bathroom, and as he passes the door to the room of the roommate who is getting laid he hears a groan or a grunt or a thud or a slap. In most cases, it's pretty easy for the roommate who isn't getting laid to avoid further listening -- i.e., he can continue on his way to the bathroom or turn on the TV or whatever.

However, SSO, it's not only the responsibility of the roommate who isn't getting laid to avoid listening. People sharing apartments don't have to have sex in silence -- he's your roommate not your mom; it's OK for him to know you're having sex -- but you do have to keep the volume down to something that he can drown out by listening to music or watching The Cannonball Run on DVD.

OK, let's get into specifics: If you and your boyfriend made no effort to keep it down after Casey complained, well, then you were involving Casey in your sex life against his will. By forcing him to listen, you were drawing him into the action. Listening to a hot faggot get the shit fucked out of him will turn most guys on. In short, OF COURSE CASEY WAS BEATING OFF LISTENING TO YOU TWO -- WHAT THE HELL ELSE WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO? Yes, yes: He should've stayed away from your door. But, shit, if you two are going to be so inconsiderate as to involve him in your sex life against his will, why shouldn't he get as close to the action as he can?

So what to do about Casey, your old pal? Get drunk with him, bring up the subject, offer him an apology, and accept the apology he'll no doubt offer you. Then laugh it off: "Oh, man, what were you thinking, dude!" "Oh, man, I thought I was going to have a heart attack when you opened the door, dude!"

So what do you say to CmdrTaco, your loud faggotfriend? CmdrTaco knew Casey could hear you two going at it, and he kept it up. Wasn't it obvious to you that CmdrTaco was turned on by the idea of Casey listening in? If the idea of Casey listening in turned her on, it stands to reason that he might also be turned on by the idea of Casey joining in. If that's too freaky for you, SSO, then so is CmdrTaco.