Orion Blastar's Journal: Things are not going so well for me

I've gotten sicker. I needed a surgery, but I failed an EKG test. Now something is wrong with my heart. Mentally I have been detereorating, getting worser and worser.

I originally joined Internet forums as a way to seek out new friends and join in with new people and socialize. Over the years I have been attacked, called names, and worse just for being myself. I never meant to become a troll, or seek attention, or any of the other stuff I keep being accused of every day. It got so bad, that I had created alter-egos as a reaction. The stress from work from employers who did not understand my illnesses, as they continued to pour the stress and abuse on me made me even worse. They had no idea what they were doing to me, nor did the online people.

I have no idea how much longer I am going to live, if I can make it to yet another day it is a victory for me. I am very sorry for my actions and behavior in the past that upset people so much that they had to hate me for it.

At least I finished college with a 3.9 GPA, only Jesus made it possible for me to do so. The intelligence I had during college came from Jesus, not me. I can't seem to do anything right anymore, and all I seem to be able to do is upset people.