squaretorus's Journal: Health

A story today got me thinking. FBI want all their coders to pass physical. I wouldn't have passed it a year back, I guess I would now.

Here is my 'fat fuck diet' for all you fat fuck /. addicts out there. It worked for me, and its a walk in the park. No scientific basis, I just read about a boxer who did the food bit, and the excercise bit worked for me. If you die because of this its your fault - not mine!!! Feel free to redistribute, ammend, call your own etc...

PHASE ONE: The warm up
This will take anything from a week to a month depending on how fat you are. Start walking somewhere every day. Every Day. Start by going round the block, or just walking to buy a paper. Morning is best, but any time is good.

This should get your bones used to the movement. As you progress, try to walk faster, and a bit further, build a bit of stamina. Don't push it though, as this will knacker you and put you off.

PHASE TWO: The Build Up
When you feel a bit more awake while walking, and capable of walking pretty quickly for 10 mins without gasping for air, start thinking about food. No. Not food. About how you eat.
My rule is simple. HUGE breakfast, sizable lunch, small supper, nothing after 8pm. Not even a soft drink.
Nothing is off the list - I can eat a dozen packs of pringles, so long as I have my last crisp at 7:59pm. Try and stick to this for a week while keeping up the walking. I bet you wake up more 'alive'.

PHASE THREE: Ongoing
Now your cooking. You've sorted out the food, getting some excercise - but more would be good. If youre ankles can cope - go for a 20 minute run every other day. Or a 30 minute swim. Or a 45 minute bike ride. Eventually - your ankles will cope - and running is quickest, easiest, and probably most effecti9ve for most people.

Dont expect to be Mr or Miss Hot overnight - or ever - but DO expect to be able to run u the stairs without falling asleep within 3 months. Its amazing how your brain kicks in when your working a bit harder aswell - I'm SURE pringles are an anesthetic!