randomErr's Journal: Column: Trials and tribulations of camping trips today

Column: Trials and tribulations of camping trips today
http://news.statesmanjournal.com/article.cfm?i=48900

HENRY MILLER
Statesman Journal
September 26, 2002

Let's just call this one "Survival of the Fattest."

The inspiration comes from recently reading a used-bookstore treasure, Endurance, a book printed in the 1950s about the legendary survival story of Ernest Shackleton's disastrous 1914 expedition to Antarctica.

Shackleton's party survived by eating seals and sled dogs. They lived in frozen, rotted sleeping bags huddled in tents ripped to shreds by bitter, icy winds.

The book was a compilation of journals and reminiscences from participants in the grueling journey. It just goes to show the value of documentation.

Which is why I kept a journal of the privations and hardships suffered during a weeklong camping trip around the Beaver State with my brother-in-law, Bob.

Shackleton thought he had it so tough.

Read on, if you dare.

Day 1: South Twin Lake

First setback: Grill on the fire ring at campground is too high for the briquettes.

There is a genuine fear that the marinated halibut steaks may be woefully underdone.

With invention born of desperation, we pile rocks under the grill for a stand for the charcoal.

It succeeds, but the amount of briquettes needed is far more than the length of the journey can sustain.

Day 2: Diamond Lake

Supply of double-stuff Oreos critically low, thanks to three-hour drive around Crater Lake. Rationing may be needed.

Forced cutback in briquettes means the party has to subsist on medium-rare steaks on the grill, and seasoned potato wedges cooked in a pan on the Coleman stove.

Milk frozen by dry ice in the cooler means bacon and eggs for breakfast.

Eggs also have frozen, so we are forced to eat them scrambled rather than over easy.

Fate is, indeed, a cruel mistress.

Day 3: Steens Mountain

Oreo supply completely depleted, forcing switch to Doritos and bean dip.

A vicious twist of fate considering the windows of the truck must remain rolled up because of the dust on 73 miles of dirt road.

Arrive at camp at sunset, meaning a cold dinner of club sandwiches with ham and smoked turkey on hogie rolls.

We can't find the water spigot in the dark, and are forced to subsist on beer and Pepsi.

Discipline is breaking down as all members of the expedition are relieving themselves behind trees in the deserted campground.

Note: Aquafresh with a Bud rinse is not a bad nightcap.

Day 4: Walton Lake

Lack of fishing success means the corn meal may be useless, unless I can find a muffin or loaf pan.

Spaghetti with Italian sausage is a welcome change from cold food of night before, and takes our minds off the charcoal shortage.

Morale is lifting despite Oreo deprivation as party of exploration reaches halfway point. Hershey bars have inexplicably disappeared.

Won't tell the other member of the party the dry ice is nearly gone. I think Bob knows because the milk has thawed enough to have Grape Nuts.

May have to ration everyone to 15,000 calories a day.

Day 5: Three Creeks Lake

After all we've been through, it's degenerated to this: Lack of briquettes and marinade force cooking seasoned chicken in foil by burying it in campfire coals.

It's small comfort, but the milk has thawed and butter softened, to the point where mashed potatoes are possible.

It takes our minds off the fact that we are completely out of charcoal, and may have to stop in Sisters for ice.

Last Day: House Rock Camp

Because of our desperate charcoal situation, we are forced to subsist on diced, marinated steak and onions mixed with the last of the brown rice.

The stock of marshmallows nearly gone. The end is near.

Civilization!

Burger King!!

Henry Miller can be reached at [phone].