Journal SolemnDragon's Journal: In what language 8
does, "Family-free holidays" mean, "Please come visit the day after christmas, and plan to stay a week"?
Apparently, English.
Don't get me wrong. I love blinder's dad- he's a sweet guy with a heart of gold.
On the other hand, this is not what i ignored my mother's phone calls to preserve. (Yes, my mother still calls when i ask her not to.)
He's staying in a hotel. Otherwise, i would choke myself to death with the holiday lights. I'm not ready for that much company right now.
It's very weird for me to try to find the balance between our 'home' life and our 'public' life. I am accustomed to being able to share the things that are significant to me, but now that life includes his life, too, and i need to be a lot more circumspect. I wish he hadn't stopped charting his own growth here. He's very busy now, though, and may start up again later. It would have given me an insight into his life which i dearly miss. Yes, i get to see his daily life, and hear parts of his mind that you're not privy to- but i miss the parts he only shared in places like this, and hasn't got time/energy for now.
In the meantime, how do i write about things like visits from what i guess would be the cohabitation equivalent of in-laws?
I like blinder's dad. Nice guy, a little sad but a sweet guy. I don't know where along the line communications broke down, and "a quiet holiday season without our families" became, "i ignore my family, and his comes to visit." I'm sure it wasn't blinder's idea- i know he was looking forward to some alone time again, too.
And so here we are, with his dad- who's not in the best of health, and blinder's already lost one parent- and blinder's anxieties, and my own. I had nightmares last night. Having my boundaries completely ignored will do that- but it's not blinder's fault, because he didn't inflict this on me. He's surprised, too, and as far as i can see, feels torn between his surviving parent and his need for space. This sucks.
*sigh* This is one for our therapists to sort out, i'm only offering it as one of those examples of what's tricky to write about. For my part, i'm grateful that he never, ever airs his complaints about my family here. Because man, they're insane. (The family, not the complaints. The complaints are reasonable and what any healthy person would come up with.) I love my mum, i love my brothers, and there's a reason i live very far away from all of them. My mum calls every week like clockwork after i told her that i need to not talk to her for awhile. She calls, i think, just because it triggers HER anxieties to know i'm not up for conversation. So the phone rings, i cringe, and grit my teeth and ignore it.
With him screening calls to keep my mother at bay, how can i grudge him some time with his dad?
But we're both stressed out, we're both anxious, and we're having a rough time of it now in some ways. Family-free, hm? Yeah. Sometimes i think we will never, ever get free of our families. Not that we would need to, if they respected our boundaries more.
Yeah, don't bother with the advice- we know about being firm, etc. If you've got similar tales of woe, though, i'd love to hear them. And i may pull this journal, depending on whether i feel after a few hours that it respects his feelings and circumstances enough.
hi, blinder!
Just be glad (Score:2)
Cahabitation equivalent (Score:1)
Re:Cohabitation equivalent (Score:2)
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Is he a cowboy? On a steel horse does he ride?
Is he wanted? Dead or alive?
Hokie assumes the duck and cover position.
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Oh, the family fun. Oh, the joy of it. (Score:3, Informative)
I bet they prescribe cheese. Or chocolate. Or perhaps some cherries. Something starting with the letter "C" anyway. See, I'd make a great therapist. Listen to Talinom.
he never, ever airs his complaints about my family here. Because man, they're insane.
Everybody's family is insane, it's just a matter of degrees. I think mine is set to 425. I used to think that they were at 350 but that is only 10 degrees off of normal (360). Hey, at least they aren't set to broil.
I love my mum, i love my brothers, and there's a reason i live very far away from all of them.
Yes, I make space for myself as well. When my mom calls I usually give her a few minutes and if she starts driving me nuts I find some excuse to get off of the phone. Cooking is boiling over (I don't cook), someone is at the door (if we are expecting someone we leave the door unlocked), the cats knocked something over or something else to get off of the phone. Perhaps reverse psychology might be in order. If she is not welcome to call and calls more often extend the invitation to call more often because things have become calm. Perhaps she will destress and call less often. This, of course, could go badly if she is anything like my mom.
With him screening calls to keep my mother at bay
Get a phone that has custom ring depending on the caller-id. Have hers set to silence.
But we're both stressed out, we're both anxious, and we're having a rough time of it now in some ways.
Everything is as it is. Know that it will be different next week and the week after that.
Family-free, hm? Yeah. Sometimes i think we will never, ever get free of our families. Not that we would need to, if they respected our boundaries more.
Perhaps it isn't our families we are trying to get free of as much as ourselves.
It will all get better. It always does.
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Man, you're brilliant. THANK YOU, i have a phone that might do that and i didn't even think to check.
You rock.
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