banky's Journal: A truly great day!

I have achieved a HUGE milestone in my career: I made a customer cry!

WOO-HOO!

(Long dreary tech support issue: It sounds like her Outlook config or PC in general is horked, and her mail hasn't been working for 2 weeks, and she decides to call today about the critical issue.)

After much (wasteful, meaningless) discussion, I finally said: I have verified that all elements of the server are functioning correctly. Approximately 500 other users on that server are sending, receiving, and reading their mail without issue. I cannot do extended troubleshooting on what is almost certainly a PC or local connectivity issue, you'll have to track down your sysadmin and ask them.

Blah blah blah, the usual whine. "Look, I can't help you". Lather, rinse, repeat. After a few variations, she busted out in tears.

I have never been a happier man: fuck them. Your pain is my happiness. They're a productivity black hole. I hope your cat dies too, bitch.

At least you are helping the stereotypes...

[FortKnox]

... associated with technical support...

Re:

[banky]

You know what?

Fuck that bitch. Seriously.

Being a logic-proof tool doesn't mean you get to complain your way out of a technical issue that I can't solve. The customer can be wrong, stupid, annoying, and a waste of time and effort. Anyone who thinks some variation on "the customer is always right" is a fucking idiot. But moreover, anyone who thinks that every customer is 1)created equally and 2)"even if it's a $20/month hosting account, they deserve as much love and support as the $5k/month hosting account" i

Re:

[FortKnox]

Then why are you in the customer service business?

Re:

[banky]

I'm sorry, I thought I'd made it clear that we're not in the customer service business (except in the broadest sense that we "have customers" and we "serve their needs").

But you dodged the point: when it's been determined it's not my problem and I explained to her what she needed to do to resolve the issue, how is that my problem? At some point, it's the Argument Sketch for real, but there's no timer. Someone's gotta give. She broke first.

Re:

[TechnoLust]

I used to have a sign that said, "Don't ask me questions about the Purchasing System, I'm no longer on that project." People would walk up to me and ask me about a purchasing problem. So I'd tell them how to fix it... by rebooting their machine and changing their password to all symbols. ;-)

Re:

[Tet]

Yeah, it's our fault for 1)answering the phone at all

The last time I was in a job where I had to speak to customers, I had this [despair.com] up on the wall above my desk...

Re:

[banky]

We're in the middle of a multi-year transition to "no more phone calls ever" but a few customers are not smart enough to use the web-based system.

And I'm not being pithy and dismissive: I mean, they're not smart enough. They lack the cognitive ability. I made a "quick entry" form for trouble tickets (2 text boxes: name and problem) and it was "too confusing". One of the questions we got was, "What do I type in the box?"

"Whatever you'd say to me when you called up. You know, describe the problem. In the box