SolemnDragon's Journal: Hard News

Sol,
(email from my mum)

(my sister) called... Friday night, to ask for -'s (Jr. - you guy's father's) social security number.
I found it for her, and she confirmed that the name and information she found on the social security web site was correct. I am sorry to have to tell you that he has passed away, last October 21st. Place of death was listed as -, Mass. She looked in the phone book, and found his address. He had been living in B-, Mass. She got in touch with people out there, and has told me that he had a long relationship with a woman named K-, who reported that he had died of complications around a liver transplant which he received as a result of liver failure. He was diabetic. She also reports that [my father] had been clean and sober, and that he had gone back to school and had become a geologist, with a minor in Chinese.
I am sorry to have to write this to you - it's a situation where if I tell you, it's not a great thing, and if I don't tell you, it's not a good thing. R[My sister] has had a good deal to say about this whole situation, which I will not go into - it's her stuff. She has gotten in touch with [paternal grandmother], and reports that M- and D- [father's brothers] are still around. If you want more information, please get in touch, and I will help you how ever I can.
Again, I am sorry to have to write this to you, and I am sorry for this loss.
Please remember that I love you.
Call if you want to.
Mom

____

I've been out of touch with my father for twenty years. This really messes with me. I don't know how i feel- sad, and angry, and i'm glad he straightened out, but that makes it somehow harder, because i never got to know him as a decent man who was clean and sober.

I think i have some grieving to do. But i also need to find out what i can, now that we know where he went. I'm glad he made himself a new life, but it doesn't make it any easier to have been a part of the old one.

meep. i think i have something in my eye, and it might be a tearstorm.

::hug::

[OctaneZ]

sorry sol, hope you are doing okay.

Re:

[Ethelred Unraed]

The hug is hereby doubled and redoubled.

Best wishes, too.

Cheers,

Ethelred

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Ouch.

[Talinom]

Hugs. [hands Kleenex] [brings chocolate]

We are all here for you.

Sorry....

[BWJones]

Sol,

Sorry to hear this. It's gotta happen to all of us sometime, and while you can feel good about how he straightened his life out, you can also feel good about who you are and where you have managed to take your life. Who you are and how you live your life, in a way bears in some way on how your father lived his life and for that you can be grateful, no matter how you may feel about the time in which you spent with him.

Best,

Bryan

well wishes

[subgeek]

i wish you strength and peace.

Of all the regrets

[Engineer-Poet]

I have many regrets for things I didn't say to my father. I can barely imagine what you are going through.

You have my deepest sympathy.

My deepest sympathies.

[sulli]

I am so sorry to hear this news.

*hugs*

reiterate

[gmhowell]

Just reiterate what I said earlier.

grieve

[http]

i'm so sad for you. share here if you wish, or not, if you wish. FWIW, i agree that the part where you never get to see your dad as a "reg'lar joe" is hard, cruel hard.

I know you have blinders now...

[TechnoLust]

but if he needs a break, you still have my number. *hugs*

You have my most sincere condolences

[RailGunner]

and my prayers. I am very sorry for your loss.

My condolences

[Degrees]

Hugs to you and yours. My wife had a similar situation - and it was weird for her. Logically, she knew she should feel bad; but in her heart, she knew didn't really know him. She and her mom did get some sense of closure when they scattered his ashes.

Virtual Hug for ya

[DaytonCIM]

Here it is.