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Dragons and dentistry (not a true story)

SolemnDragon (593956) writes | more than 7 years ago

User Journal 7

You may not realise this, darling, but dragons have a long history of dental care. All dragons do. It comes from chewing on all that armor- think of it as a worse habit even than chewing on popcorn seeds (which, by the way, your dentist has asked me to request you please refrain from, as he really doesn't need to buy another car just yet.)

You may not realise this, darling, but dragons have a long history of dental care. All dragons do. It comes from chewing on all that armor- think of it as a worse habit even than chewing on popcorn seeds (which, by the way, your dentist has asked me to request you please refrain from, as he really doesn't need to buy another car just yet.)

All dentists are required to at least minor in some form of mythological dentistry. I met one once who treated unicorns, and said that really, unicorns are all right, it's the headache docs who really make the money there. You slam into a tree with that thing, and you know it for a week! Another specialised in hydra teeth. It's not the teeth themselves, but the sheer number of heads that got to be a problem- thirteen heads and one pair of hands makes for VERY time-consuming dental hygeine routines! But i digress. Those dentists who specialise in dragon dentistry are a special breed. Kind... brave... and preferably, fireproof...

One day, the dragon had to go to the dentist. The blinder robot cheerfully bundled her up in his pocket and headed for the dentist's. She could have flown, of course, but it was a nice day for a walk, and he'd asked nicely if he could carry her. Along the way, he stopped to let her talk to her friends the ducksThey were hanging out by the lake with their colouring books, since it was already afternoon.

They were glad to see her, but she was still unhappy. The dragon had a toothache, you see, and the phrase, "grumpier than a dragon with a toothache," was not invented idly.

They got to the dentist's office. The dentist came out, wearing his heatproof goggles and flameproof suit. "Hm." He considered the blinder robot carefully. "Let me get the robot doctor, he'll know how this should go."

"BEEP!" cried the X-Bl1nd3r robot, indignantly. He'd been to see the robot dentist only recently, and wasn't about to get another checkup without warning!

"Meep!" cried the dragon, in a muffled tone, from his jacket pocket.

"Meep?" the dentist knew that there must be a dragon around someplace. He reached over by the counter and got a pillow, and the robot took the dragon out of his pocket and put her on it. The dentist held out his hand and introduced himself.

The dragon, who was feeling PARTICULARLY temperamental (and her tooth hurt terribly) didn't even have the energy to kick the offered hand. She sat down in a disconsolate heap, and stuck the end of her tail in her mouth sadly.

"Oh, a toothache, eh?" The dentist was very wise in the ways of dragons. This wasn't so much due to his years on the job, as to the fact that years on the job tended to weed out those who weren't wise pretty quickly (despite the best efforts of the fire department.)

He held out a sparkly rock. The dragon, distracted, let him open her mouth and take a look with nothing more than a warning movement of her left foot.

"Yep, we can fix that up," he told her reassuringly. The blinder-robot smiled and trundled out to the waiting room, where he sat down with a copy of Robotic News and read an article about quantum roboting.

The dragon came trundling out herself not two hours later. "And NO FIREBREATHING for at least two hours!" called the dentist after her. She nodded and waved at the blinder robot. He picked her up and gave her a hug.

"How did it go?" he asked. She shook her head sadly.

"Mrphmmmmglrg..."

"They had to use a lot of nixie drops, huh?" Blinder knew that nixies- the watery cousins of pixies- brew special potions just to numb the various mystical nerves for dentistry. It was their cheif source of income, really. Everyone remembers that terrible case of the ogre who was given basilisk meds by accident? He looked in the mirror and spent two days stoned out of his mind- they're VERY careful about these things ever since. So the dragon was sure to have gotten the official, certified, tested-and-approved, accept-no-substitutes, not-available-without-your-dentist's-supervision nixie drops labelled "DRG-PRPL" which of course, are for purple dragons and only purple dragons.

It wouldn't be long till they wore off. She was busy making an appointment for her follow-up visit, as best she could with a numb mouth.

"Beep!" He picked her up and put her in his pocket, where she promptly fell asleep. He waved goodbye to the dentist (who was rubbing his shin- he supposed she'd managed to get a couple of good kicks in after all) and they headed home, where they sat on the floor and read comic books until the nixie drops had worn off and it was time for dinner.

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7 comments

Love it! (1)

arb (452787) | more than 7 years ago | (#18016300)

8^)

You really should write more stuff like this.

Re:Love it! (1)

Iamthefallen (523816) | more than 7 years ago | (#18018186)

Yeah, dragonses tales are funny.

awww (1)

OctaneZ (73357) | more than 7 years ago | (#18017004)

PRPL Dragon!

BRILLIANT! (1)

Shadow Wrought (586631) | more than 7 years ago | (#18017636)

Everyone remembers that terrible case of the ogre who was given basilisk meds by accident? He looked in the mirror and spent two days stoned out of his mind

That is just too cool for words. A truly glorious pun on what did not sound like it was very happy day.

Re:BRILLIANT! (1)

TechnoLust (528463) | more than 7 years ago | (#18017838)

Funny how I INSTANTLY thought of you when I read that. :-)

smiling here (1)

sparky4 (695739) | more than 7 years ago | (#18017904)

and loving the story.

Lovely (1)

Morosoph (693565) | more than 7 years ago | (#18018034)

I know that I'm not great at turning up for social occasions, but that was a lovely read.

It reminds me, though. It's time I saw a dentist. I just spent the evening with a friend (who also has no girlfriend) who recently had all of his teeth taken out. In a few weeks, he'll have new substitutes put in.

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