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Outcome (for this round anyways)

sillypixie (696077) writes | more than 7 years ago

User Journal 14

So I laid it all out.

And he didn't yell or scream. He listened with great attention. And asked pertinent questions. And truly digested everything he had to say.

So I laid it all out.

And he didn't yell or scream. He listened with great attention. And asked pertinent questions. And truly digested everything he had to say.

And he asked me whether I would stay and let him try to do better by all of the things I had just told him. He admitted that he wasn't the person he wanted to be -- and said no matter what, he needed to change that, not for me, but for him. He also said that he'd had trouble putting the last few years behind him, and that he would work harder on helping me with my career and being proud of me, instead of running away from what is a critical part of my life.

Basically he yet again threw me a loop. I was all ready to leave. I had it all planned. But I can't leave someone who said what he said last night. I have to give this a try, a real, balls-out try.

He's already set up a counselling appointment for us - 10:30am on Thursday.

I think that if I just follow everybody's advice from the last couple of days, that I can find some peace. As long as I communicate fully and forthrightly, I think I can navigate. No matter what happens next, I don't feel so trapped.

You are all incredible. You have been a bastion of support in a very lonely world. I love you all for it.

Merci,

Pixie

cancel ×

14 comments

*smile* (1)

bethanie (675210) | more than 7 years ago | (#18163086)

That HE set up the counseling appt is HUGE.

I'm hopeful, Pix, really.

This just goes to show that you really CAN'T predict the future, doesn't it?

Best of luck, darlin'. And you know... call on us (and me -- you know where to find me) when you need us. :-)

....Bethanie....

Re:*smile* (1)

Red Warrior (637634) | more than 7 years ago | (#18163506)

What Bethanie said.

Knock on wood, here's hoping.

Wow. Just... wow. (1)

Engineer-Poet (795260) | more than 7 years ago | (#18163268)

I guess you can't predict where that upward road is headed after all!

Keep your wits with you (1)

HBI (604924) | more than 7 years ago | (#18163536)

I've had this one before and you have to judge the success based upon the willingness to alter behavior patterns.

Do your evaluation based on your own level of happiness at particular time frames - a couple weeks, a month, beyond that as you see fit.

Hope is not a substitute for results, but i'm glad you have hope.

Wow, what a guy ;) (1)

Creepy Crawler (680178) | more than 7 years ago | (#18163556)

I had a long winded response for you from yesterdays(?) journal, but it's not needed.

You really do have a good guy, Pixie ;)

There's never a yes or no answer, and he proves it. He loves you. That is the third answer. And the fourth, and the fifth and the......

All steps at this point are hard (1)

NCalGal (944418) | more than 7 years ago | (#18164060)

But together you will work thru and take the path you are to take. It will not be easy. Often the best roads (and you surely know mine) are the hardest. Of course he loves you and the puppy. You are a family. Compromise on both sides, hard work and accepting each others happiness will get you thru. I love you Pix your NCALGALPAL forever! (took this post to get me back on here, LOL)

I really hope... (1)

tuxette (731067) | more than 7 years ago | (#18164446)

...that he's sincere about it all, i.e. that he really means what he says rather than just saying what he thinks you want to hear...

Re:I really hope... (1)

sillypixie (696077) | more than 7 years ago | (#18166938)

I hope so too. If it devolves, I can at least act. The thing that really scares me, is that I'm not done with the changing. He ain't seen nothing yet - in fact I'm not sure I'll ever stop. He's going to have to keep up, he can't just make one big change and then settle back in. He's gonna need to pay attention.

I hate to say it, but I don't think he knew what a bucking bronco he signed up for :) He should know now, I just hope he can enjoy the ride instead of being scared senseless all the time.

Re:I really hope... (1)

metalcup (897029) | more than 7 years ago | (#18287342)

I know its a little late in reply, and I am a total alien.. but..wow! I hope things have just been getting better and better.. Isn't the internet magical? cheers!

no matter what (1)

SolemnDragon (593956) | more than 7 years ago | (#18165082)

we're here

and you're awesome

and no matter what happens, you've proven that you can at lest trust yourself. THat's no small thing. So if this works out, great, you'll be on a better path than before. If it doesn't, you still are.

You rock. Your courage is amazing.

Don't miss your opportunity to learn something. (1)

rdewald (229443) | more than 7 years ago | (#18165226)

You had a lot of predictions [slashdot.org] that didn't come true. They almost prevented you from doing what you knew to be the right thing, or at least they presented a disincentive. Notice that. Know what predictions can do. You'll need that knowledge in the future, no matter how this turns out.

Investment (1)

Iamthefallen (523816) | more than 7 years ago | (#18166860)

If it were me, I'd also appreciate being told when I didn't do my part and fell back into old habits. While it's not your job to make sure he's doing his part, it could probably be a good investment for you to provide support and constructive criticism to help him change.

Good luck,

My wife and I were talking last night (1)

SamTheButcher (574069) | more than 7 years ago | (#18167520)

and she said she used to tell people before we got married "Oh, we'll get married, but I'm sure we'll get divorced." Neither of us can conceive of that now. I think there are a lot of people that would have bet against us, including us!

The thing that changed, for both of us, was when we broke up about 2 years before we got married. We had been dating for 4 years and I had received attention from a girl in one of my English classes. I was enchanted with the idea of a new challenge and this new, beautiful woman. My (now) wife and I broke up, and I tried things with this new girl.

New != better. :)

So, I told my wife I wanted to get back together. "No way!" said she. Very wise. She took her time and ran around a bit, did the staying out, hooked up with some guys. Killed me at the time, but man, the perspective it provided.

But you know what the best part was? The truth.

We told each other the truth for the first time in our time together. The whole truth. We didn't figure we'd be getting back together, so we just talked as people, as friends.

That's what ultimately drew us back together and has kept us together.

Good luck. Again, if you wanna chat or whatever, you know where you can find me.

Oh, and about my post the other night - I hope you can see that an end and a beginning can be part of the same thing. :)

But keep an eye on his progress, as was mentioned before. Words are words. Actions are actions, and you need to see action.

Again, good luck.

Good luck to you! (1)

Shadow Wrought (586631) | more than 7 years ago | (#18175504)

I apologize for the delay in answering (I wanted to post to your previous entry but my own family drama precluded it), but wanted to cast my vote of support as well.

I reached a juncture where I almost lost my wife early in our relationship because I wasn't contributing to the relationship the way I had been early on. I had settled; grew lazy and complacent. She talked with me and I made a concious decision to do better. I've slipped a couple times since then (though not nearly as bad) and she's called me on it. It has been hard and more work than I thought would be involved, but the efforts ahve been worth it.

She's not just my wife, she's my best friend, too. Which is kinda nice! So if he's willing to change, or, more to the point, to grow; then it really can be the positive relationship you deserve.

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