RM6f9's Journal: Catching up

My wife is still responding well to her treatments (5 sessions of chemo down, 1 to go). I've done my best to keep a strong front, reminding her every time she worries that "It's not over yet - it's not time yet." I have no earthly idea how brave I can be if her post-treatment CT scan shows anything other than clear and healthy. She's... well, kind compassionate and loving enough to see something in me worth marrying and staying with for over 11 years - somewhere between saint and angel, deserving of much better circumstances than she's faced health-wise.

We've been burgled recently - replaced most of the stuff, insurance hasn't been too arduous about the claim process, the worst of it was the feeling of having been violated - home security has been *vastly* improved, proverbial barn door securely locked, horses mostly replaced.

I'm still working on trying to build a real business helping people with their Windows issues - also still applying for work...

Have seen lots of videos, including Casino Royale (They wrote him as *human* in this one, and Mr. Craig plays it very well), the Illusionist (fun), The Prestige (Very nice in an eery way, I liked it better than Illusionist, but they blew writing Mr. Tesla), Babel (Crash was MUCH better), Eragon (I want a dragon for a friend!), others I'm not remembering right now...

Read a current best-selling book called The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, and am struggling with implementations: I want to believe, I truly do, I try to maintain gratitude for the blessings realized so far, but while I'm imagining seeing the ultimate success I know to be my birthright, it has yet to be glimpsed by my physical eyes. I'm moving away from the Buddhist ideas - yes, I'm suffering, yes, it's because of my attachments to impermanent things... what is it in me that is so deeply pre-disposed to wanting more? Sitting and breathing has brought no answers, I'm tired of fighting with myself about whether I want or not. Denial didn't work for me...

I'm well aware that whiny squeaky wheels often get hammered into place by larger circumstances - whether it dents me into fitting in a little better, or pushes me into my proper track so I can roll more successfully, I just hope it happens soon.

Here's hoping life is treating all of my friends much better than the above, and that gratitude for said treatment lights your days.

Take care

[Shadow Wrought]

Give our best to your wife. I'm still not entirely sure what my wife saw in me, so I understand that feeling. Thoughts and prayers have been, and will continue to be, sent your way.

Re:

[RM6f9]

Thank you - any and all assistances gratefully appreciated.

Re:

[nizo]

If it wasn't for the whole baby thing women would have nothing to do with us.

Hope things work out for the best, and I think about you every time I don't work on the "project" :-| But I haven't forgotten!

p.s. update me via email when you get the chance. My semester is almost over, so I should have more free time for a short window until summer starts up.

Best wishes

[johndiii]

For your wife, and for you. Chemo is very hard. And it's not easy contemplating the death of someone that you care for. My mother had chemo for a slow-growing lymphoma a couple of years ago, and my father had surgery for lung cancer a year ago last November (but his system would not tolerate the chemo that they tried - put him back in the hospital). They're divorced and both remarried, so it's not quite as bad as it sounds. I will keep both of you in my prayers.