Journal BarbaraHudson's Journal: 2014 - The year in review. 4
Normally, people do this just before New Years, but I'm avoiding the Christmas rush.
It was not the best of times, it was not the worst of times
The good
Help with PTSD.The problems with my eyes, the battle with the developers, and everything else became too much a year ago. I saw that I was going down the same emotional rat-hole I had a couple of years before, and after one particularly bad nightmare of being assaulted in bed at knife-point, I was scared me enough to try one more time to get help dealing with my PTSD. I got lucky. Got a good psychiatrist who helped with medications, a psychological evaluation, and a therapist to help deal with the murder and the sexual assault.
Improvements in my eyes. The surgeons did a vitrectomy and retinal peel to restore vision in my left eye, which had gone completely blind from proliferative diabetic retinopathy. I can see out of it, but not read with it (too much distortion). The right eye no longer bleeds. This summer, I was able to start using a computer again once I learned how to ignore my left eye. Not enough to program but enough to surf on slashdot
Standing up for trans rights
The building developers (see below) had publicly outed me as a transsexual at a public meeting hosted by the city, attended by many of my neighbors as well as others - between 100 and 200 people. Juicy gossip travels fast. Rather than give in to their attempt to get me to stop opposing them, I forced the guy in charge to publish this display ad in the main news section of the two largest newspapers with a combined daily circulation of something like 3/4 of a million.
I, Daniel Lefebre,
sincerely apologize to
Madame Barbara Hudson
if I have offended her
in any form of speech,
making reference to her
transsexuality during the
information assembly for the
residents of Anthony Street,
October 31st, 2013. I would
like to add that these words
were not approved by the
Cooperative. Thank you.
I believe very strongly in "pay it forward." This ad is part of that.
The bad
My battle to help my former neighbors fight the developer. I must have spent about 1,000 hours encouraging them, instructing them on their legal rights, monthly public and private meetings with the city council and mayor. Interviews on TV and the radio. Stories in the newspapers.
I went to court three times and used the courts to get the necessary documents. Anyone could successfully challenge the illegal evictions by just sitting on their butts and waiting for the new owner to try to give them the boot, then say "Show me da MONEY!"
This spring one tenant who took my advice got 6x times the money they had offered him and a delay, which kept him from ending up in the street in the middle of winter. Another won 5x the offered funds, plus the right to return to court if it's not sufficient. I did okay. I walked away with just under 7x the amount offered, after delaying work on my building by more than half a year.
So, with these initial successes, the 50 families facing the same situation this fall were almost unanimous in their declarations about how they would stand and fight. And then folded almost immediately, taking the lowball offers that didn't even meet the legal minimum. That was a tremendous disappointment.
Sickness in the family. This spring, while all this was going on, one of my sisters ended up in the hospital with a stroke, was released a month later, and half a week later was back in with another stroke and two fractured hips, and paralysis on one side.
I spent a lot of time at the hospital, doing a lot for her. Transferring her from the bed to the wheelchair and back because they way they were doing it with a porta-lift or two orderlies was time-consuming and hurt like hell, whereas I could do the transfer in less than 15 seconds with minimal pain. Encouraging her not to give up. Washing her down. Telling her the truth when everyone else was lying because they didn't want to hurt her. And getting hell from everyone in the family for telling her the truth. Escorting her to and from hospital appointments because, to put it simply, nobody else was available. Being there when she'd get the latest bad news from the doctors.
This continued into rehab for several months. She had worked in a "home", and knew how bad it could be. She feared it, and I told her I would do everything possible to help her avoid it. I left the development. Rented a larger place with enough room for her and her wheelchair. Of course, everyone else in the family opposed it, but nobody else could take her. In the end, without any help it was just not possible, so another failure.
The ugly
I had been warned that the depressions I had suffered would quite possibly come back, and it did. These back-to-back failures hit me harder than I thought they would. I described what it's like to be mentally ill here. And at the end of November, after almost 8 months without a panic attack, I had the worst one ever.
Last month I told my psychiatrist that I was determined to beat this, but I now realize that beating it is impossible - I'll have to learn to live with it, same as diabetes. Remind myself of my promise not to do anything stupid or take major decisions when I'm down in the dumps, and to reach out for help at the first signs. But at least I'm still around, and I expect to be so to write the 2015 review.
So, how was your year?
Re: (Score:2)
That reminds me... (Score:2)
I need to get started on 2014: The Final Chapter
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Looking forward to it. I posted this more as a reminder of where I'm at so that I can look back on it in a year and measure the progress or lack of it. It's not like this is the sort of thing people post on mindless anti-social media sites. "I spend all day wanting to kill myself" "245 people liked this post" just doesn't do it for me.