TrollBack's Journal: Thanksgiving TrollBack

Did you know that Slashdot.org is an anagram for Harlot's Dogs? It's true, and here's the proof:
It's November 27, 2002, and THIS is TROLLBACK.

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Bring on the tryptophan, kids, it's Thanksgiving! Time for all good Americans to crowd themselves onto buses, trains, freeways, and anything else that will make them easy targets for terrorist attacks in a mad, crazed rush to go somewhere and relax. With all the changes going on in Slashcode these days, it'd be easy to lose your head - some of Slashdot's three and four year old spelling errors and outstanding Tacoisms (like empty Parent links) have suddenly gone missing, leaving a lot of Cowboys ready to Call it a Night. But don't flip out and throw your baby in the street just yet, kids - we've brought the dressing for everybody's favorite dried out turkey .

Format: (dreplies/treplies/moderations|voodoo)

(62/171/39|147) SlashChick reminds us how much fun Anne Marie was.
(28/183/16| 86) Owl reveals every /bot's inner riceboy.
(24/128/23| 77) SKO proves that The Truth is divinely contentious.
(39/ 81/13| 76) PS sniffs at the harsh reality of being a commie.
(29/158/ 6| 72) EPM demos a 1sentence flamewar for you newbies.
(37/ 64/13| 70) SKO tries to fly a P.C. kite in a stiff/bot breeze
(27/ 71/18| 64) an AC draws a wonderfully flawed "extreme syllogism".
(26/ 80/16| 63) PG Trolls with Linus Truth.../bots prove allergic.
(32/ 93/ 5| 62) Criteria for IBM's soul: The Rightmann Test. /. fails.
(17/145/10| 59) Poor Tim gets enthusiastic about Windows.
(26/ 83/ 8| 55) tps12 gets under some Indie skin. Eminem wins.
(25/ 64/11| 53) Da Rev makes one of those posts that Ellen "doesn't read"
(23/ 63/12| 52) Eric invites/gamers to play Jingo.
(18/ 86/13| 51) GPS fights terror and saves the best for last.
(28/ 59/ 6| 51) Adam shows Sci-Fi fans their inner despair. Repent!
(17/ 24/25| 50) Stanley morphs his Transmeta post. /bots divide by 0.
(21/ 57/ 8| 44) tps12 has been to the undisclosed Moose Lodge!
(15/ 47/17| 44) 'scout reminds Mac users that their empire is evil too.
(16/ 33/18| 43) PM: Linus is a stupid mangina at +5. Gold medal.
(21/ 67/ 4| 42) /.ess: Ask a stupid question, get 67 stupid answers.
(16/101/ 3| 42) atrowe knows you don't shave. admit it!
(16/ 75/ 8| 42) MV brings Truth in from "out there"; /bots put it back

Editor's choice

The problem with scoring Trolls is that sometimes, even the losers are winners (you read Slashdot; we're sure your familiar with the concept). Just because a post doesn't have the world's highest Voodoo doesn't mean you can't get a laugh out of it. For this reason, the editorial staff here at the secret Trollback headquarters decided to pick a few more of the best and brightest, for obvious reasons:

• A bite from Bruce Perens... well done .
• Complete bullshit posted as AC, scored at +5 Informative. Wonderful.
• Hats off to you freaks for teaching the lameness filter a thing or two about being a Nazi.
• And how could we fail to mention a father teaching his son to steal. Priceless.

Scary, dirty Toys for Tots

A long time ago, the Trollback team made some heavy-handed accusations, claiming that Slashteam was mass-moderating posts by users they disliked. We were of course met with general disbelief until the Post of Doom, after which mass-moderation and Editor Modbombing made it into the Slashdot FAQ. We're still asserting that Slashbots and Linux users in general are dirty, unwashed pedophiles, but now we've got proof. Behold, ladies and gentlemen: lock up the kids and make sure they wash . Probably the best argument against Linux in the classroom... ever?

Would you like to play a game?

Just how important is it to get your friends list jacked up as high as possible? Well, to those who like to play Slashdot The Game, it's the New Karma. FortKnox has spent months rambling on in his journal about... stuff... in order to get as many fans as possible. In a few short days, ekrout has almost surpassed FortKnox with a grand total of 351 fans. How? The same way you get anything done on Slashdot: make it stupid and make it easy. See ekrout's signature for more info. If you're wondering how YOU can participate in this new penis length contest, we feel that it's only fair to provide everyone with a means of keeping score. So, released under the TPL, we present the Slashdot New Karma Tracker, a Shell(tm) script for keeping score. Please note that this script will only work on Lunix 8.0 certified systems:

wget --quiet -O- http://slashdot.org/~$1/fans -U "The Slashdot New Karma Tracker (tm)(r) TPL 1.0"| grep fans | grep "HREF=\"//slashdot" | wc | gawk '{printf("You have %s fans. PATHETIC.\n",$1)}'

Remember to put it in a file and put your account name in as a command line argument. And don't engage in scripted abuse or you'll get the Flaming Gay Pink Screen of Death.

Doing your duty

What is FatWallet? No, no, put that thing away... FatWallet is a message board where American Citizens post messages about where the best sale prices are. Cool idea, right? Well, perhaps, but only if you're trying to DESTROY CORPORATE AMERICA. FatWallet made Slashdot frontpage news for trying to exploit innocent corporations and getting busted by the DMCA. Fortunately, our agents were already working to stem the tide at FatWallet by:

• Hunting pedophiles
• Alerting thieves to their illegal activity long before the DMCA set things straight
• Making sure those who continued to steal knew their place

The Trollback team officially salutes everyone working at sites like FatWallet across the Internet to protect America.

The Trolls are out there

We'd like to take a moment - well, maybe just a sentence - to recognize the hard work of our brothers [wisc.edu] in arms [supernet.net].

Miscellanea

Have you ever seen this Secret Slashdot Design Document ? It's very (+1)Informative, and it makes a lot of CmdrTaco's design decisions a lot more transparent. We've been working hard to replace Jon Katz but as you can see in the feature request, nobody understands the perils of reading at Threshold -1. Now go buy a T-shirt .

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That's all for this episode. As always, please send your suggestions and Nigerian hate mail porn to T r o l l b a c k 47 Zip Lip d07 Com.

Re: give credit where it is due

[unterderbrucke]

I'm the wanker.

It's fun..

[TheKey]

..manipulating others, isn't it?

Except that no one cares what you've done here. Move on, get on with your life. You lose.

You. Are. Nothing.

ISSUE #001: Sex Advice With Dr. Scott Lockwood!

[Dr. Scott Lockwood,]

ISSUE #001 - 2002 Dec 07
Sex Advice With Dr. Scott Lockwood (PhD)

Editor's Note:
Sex Advice with Dr. Scott Lockwood (PhD) will be a weekly column in which renowned homocologist Dr. Scott Lockwood (PhD) answers the sexual questions you've always been too afraid to ask. As a dedicated felcher, cocksmoker, rimmer, and sodomite, Dr. Scott (PhD) is well qualified to answer any questions you might have. Unless your question involves females, in which case he'll have no clue. Please restrict your questions to his medical specialty, the field of homocology.

Please reply to this post/diary with your sex questions for Dr. Scott Lockwood (PhD), and I'll select the best ones and pass them on to him for him to include in the next issue. If you require confidentiality or don't want to post in a public forum, then e-mail your questions to [e-mail] [mailto]. Confidentiality is guaranteed.

Our first question comes from a Mr. Peter "Shoeboy" Johnson in Utah.

Dear Dr. Scott (PhD):

I've been sucking cock for quite a few years now, and I've always wanted to take the plunge into the world of the anus, but I'm afraid. I've nevar done anything like this before. Can you give me a quick introduction to anal sex, and tell me how I can get started "riding teh Hershey Highway"?

Love,
Shoeboy

Editor's Note:
Excellent question, Peter! Thanks for writing in! It's good to see thriving homosexual communities all around the country. Just watch out for all those Mormons in Salt Lake City: I hear that the penalty for Sodomy in your state is still death by firing squad. Don't get caught!

I passed your question along to the good doctor, and he replies...

Dear Shoeboy:

Absolutely. I was never interested in men's assholes until about four years ago, and suddenly I started thinking about them more and more. Here's the deal: If you want to have anal sex with a boy, there's no quicker way to it than to show him how turned on you are by licking and fingering his ass.

I don't always go there right away, but if you've had sex with a boy a couple times, and you haven't tried already, while you're doing him, reach around and gently rub his asshole with your finger, in a circular motion. If you're shy about it, just reach around like you're grabbing his ass-cheeks and make sure you reach far enough to 'accidentally' touch his anus with one of his fingers. If you hear him moan louder, you're set. Rub that asshole a little, and then ease the tip of your finger in there. This is even more effective if you look deeply in his eyes while you do it. I've only had one boy stop me dead in my tracks because it was a turn off for him.

Once you know he likes having his asshole touched, you can ease a finger in during oral sex, maybe two. If he's responding even more favorably, I'll just look up and say very seriously, "Oh god, baby, I want to lick your asshole." At this point, some boys will even roll right over and stick their ass in the air, ready for you to star licking. The key here is to act like you love licking that ass even more than you loved eating his cock. Don't worry, it tastes a little strange at first, but it's not that bad, especially if it's a nice, clean hairless one. Keep licking his ass and slide a finger or two in. It's a good idea to get a couple fingers in there, because it relaxes them for anal sex. The fingers in the ass are especially beneficial if they've never done it before, because it wont hurt so much when you slide it in their ass.

If you've gotten this far, it's not uncommon for a boy to beg for you to put it in his ass after you've been licking it for a few minutes. I've had a few anal virgins do this, one of them didn't even realize he liked to have his asshole stimulated until he met me.

Now, it's not for every boy, you'll be reading the signs as you go from one stage to the next. If you don't get the requisite non-verbal encouragement from them, just slow down, maybe try again later. Some boys are a bit weirded out at first if they've never had guys fingering/licking their asshole, and it will take them a while to get used to the idea that someone would actually want to do that. Don't mistake their 'weirded-outness' in this case with a dislike for anal stimulation. Once you've proven over time that you really do enjoy it, they'll relax and let themselves enjoy it too. Some boys are all right with kissing you afterwards, but make sure to assume that they wont want to. He'll let you know one way or the other.

Regardless of how you get there, there are few things in life that are as beautiful as bringing an anal virgin, or any boy for that matter, to the point where he's begging you with all his heart to fuck him in the ass.

HTH HAND,
Dr. Scott Lockwood (PhD), Homocologist

Editor's Note:
I hope you've enjoyed the first issue of Sex Advice with Dr. Scott Lockwood (PhD). Post your sex questions here, and Dr. Scott (PhD) may include them in the next issue, or e-mail them in [mailto].

Best Wishes,
Teh Editorial Staff

(DISCLAIMER: Sex Advice with Dr. Scott Lockwood (PhD) is intended for entertainment purposes only and should not be used as a substitute for qualified medical advice. The use of the terms "Dr." and "PhD" should not be construed as implying that Dr. Scott Lockwood (PhD) is a licensed medical professional.)