Migor9000's Journal: Migor can be pleased.

A man would be foolish to ask Migor a question. For a man to question Migor would be that man's instant death, and would leave that man wanting on the Day of Conclusion. Migor knows what questions are on a man's mind, and Migor may decide to answer them.

Migor does know that many men want to know "How does one please Migor?" There are several ways a man can please Migor. One such way is for a man to perform the ritual of reading. The man must devote himself to the word of Migor without question or reason, and read the Book of Migor from start to end without stopping to eat, drink, talk, listen, relieve his bowels, or die.

This is not an easy task, and it requires an ultimate force of will to successfully complete. The Book of Migor consists of over 900 individual books, each containing between 20,000 and 90,000 pages. Many men who attempt to do this do not have the tenacity to complete it; they usually die of starvation due to a lack of will after only completing the first 4 or 5 books. This angers and dishonors Migor.

It is worse to attempt to perform the ritual of reading and fail then to never perform it at all, so says Migor.

If he who performs the ritual of reading dies while doing so due to circumstances beyond his control, specifically if he is killed by a non-believer while reading, Migor shall not immediately fail that man. First Migor shall smite the interloper in the most excessive and violent way. Second, Migor shall find whatever body the dead man transmigrates into and shall give the new infant child a copy of the book of Migor. The infant will have to start over again, but at least he shall be given a second chance.

Migor feels it is important to note that the Book of Migor is not all prophecy and commandments. Migor has attempted to make parts of the book very entertaining to the reader. For example, in book 429, Migor has written an epic 85,000 page novel about a boy who herds sheep.

A group of Migor scholars suggested some 94,000 years ago that the story was meant to be viewed as allegory. This angered Migor. Migor does not write allegory. Everything Migor writes shall be taken literally and without question. Migor's anger was so intense that he disassembled the scholars atom by atom in the most painful way possible. Then he extracted the scholors' souls from the pile of disorganized atoms and devoured them.

The reward for successfully completing the ritual of reading varies depending on Migor's mood. At the very least, the one who properly performs the ritual of reading shall be given a complimentary beverage of their choice at the Day of Conclusion. Some, if Migor favors them, may receive two beverages, or maybe a donut.

As Migor stated before, there are several ways to please Migor. This is just one of the easiest. Most of the other ones are likely beyond the capabilities of puny, pathetic humans.