PlatyPaul's Journal: Shake-ups for Diablo universe, StarCraft II, WoW

Blizzard Entertainment, in an attempt to expand their icy grip on popular entertainment today, has announced a number of huge shake-ups.

First is the pending sales of Diablo loot pinatas, a fun new distraction for when you can pry yourself away from the computer. CAUTION: Keep away from children and child-like adults.

Next up is the surprise announcement of a new unit in the upcoming Starcraft II video game: the Tauren Marine! Taking a hint from the immense popularity of the species in the World of Warcraft MMORPG, Blizzard has decided to bring the moo-tiful horde to the Terran Confederacy in this final battle for ultimate universal conquest.

Finally, at a standing-room-only press conference, Blizzard's top brass announced two momentous updates to WoW as we know it - a console port and a new hero class. While the new class announcement received a standing ovation (and a 10-minute long drum solo), the announcement that the popular PC-only title would find its way onto game consoles sparked controversy and angry words among the divided crowd, ending with 13 arrests and 2 hospitalizations. 3 attendees remain missing.