Hemi Rodner's Journal: More woes regarding various girls

(a lot of personal thoughts with no conclusion)

The girl that I tried hitting on using emails still didn't respond to me, but by browsing her site and looking on previous versions of it (using this lovely incriminating tool), I've found that she suffers from borderline personality disorder. She even wrote a lot about it, but for some reasons prefered to remove all the pages about it. It's quite interesting actually.

People suffering from borderline personality disorder (BPD) may have 2 extreme situations: One of them is a complete burst of emotions and feelings ("She could cry half an hour, just because I told her that she should wash the lettuce before cutting it"), and the second one is a complete lack of feelings ("When she broke out with me, after one year of being together, she did it without showing any emotion on her face. Too bad she prefered a hard drug addict over me") - knowing your body is there, but not feeling it - which may cause the victim to wound herself, just to feel her body is alive. Funny that BPD is considered a "girl's disorder".

And how she deals with those 2 situations? Not with drugs (unlike many other people) but by art. She visually expresses what she's feeling, and that helps her to pass away the situation.

I've seen her writing in the same site I met her, mentioning that disorder (and her boyfriend again), and using a different nick. I had a small urge to answer her: "Hey Z, is that you?", but I'll never do such a thing.

Remember the secretary from the speach therapy? I had my last speach therapy session about a week ago (the therapist believes the only thing I have to do from now on is just talk to people with my new voice).

When I entered, the secretary seemed to be happy to see me. So I asked the her why didn't she answer the 2 messages I left her. She told me that she doesn't check the voicemail at home for some reason, and doesn't remember receiving any SMS from me. She said she's sure we'll meet again. But yet, she didn't answer any of the messages I left her yesterday. Once again, I just can't understand girls...

There was the other girl from the folk dances, who came here from Holland, and she looks nice and maybe she's even attracted to me, but she keeps the Saturday and won't go out during that day. I wonder if I should continue trying on her.

The interesting fact about her is that she's really cute, but it's a concealed beauty, just like the teeth in the batman logo. If you look on her on the first time you're most likely to turn away due to a disturbing feature in her face, but after you dance with her, you stop noticing that feature and her face starts looking beautiful. But besides of her beauty, I'm not sure I've got a lot to talk with her about, and that religion stuff is a real turnoff.

And now for the conflict: If I want to go out with that girl, I've got only one movie to see with her - Die Another Day. Which is kinda crappy, but there's nothing else to see in the cinema nowadays. But.. I seemed to have promised to go to that movie with another girl, and that girl (let's call her Suzan) seems to be repulsed from me, and yet she wants to see a movie with me. So what should I do? Tell Suzan I have to break my promise because she's not attracted to me?