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The Death of the Handshake

CrazedWalrus (901897) writes | more than 6 years ago

User Journal 3

I read an fairly entertaining article today that coincided with a line of thought I'd had just hours before. The relevant part of that page is as follows:

Classic Handshake

I read an fairly entertaining article today that coincided with a line of thought I'd had just hours before. The relevant part of that page is as follows:

Classic Handshake

Ah, the defacto male greeting. Yes, females use it too, but it's usually JUST a greeting if done by or to a female. The male handshake, however, is rife with subtlety and subtext, depending on point of contact, grip, pressure, length of duration, and the stature and status of the two parties involved.

This could really be an entire article unto itself, and probably one day will be. But for now, I'll touch on some of the more prominent components of a male-male handshake and their associated meanings:

  • Hand Placement: Deep-set hand placement, where the webbing between the thumb and forefinger is set as close as possible to the same on the other male's hand, indicates a general respect for people. It shows that one's father showed them how to give a proper handshake. The further back the hand is set when the grip is closed, the less respect you apparently have for the person you are shaking hands with (and for most people in general).
  • Pressure: Pressure equals confidence. The more pressure applied to a grip, the more confience the male is presuming to communicate they possess. Not enough pressure, and you are seen as weak. Too much pressure, and you are seen as overbearing and boorish, overcompensating for something. A firm handshake, where pressure is applied by both parties so as to create an equilibrium, indicates confidence on both sides.

I don't know whether it's just the people I interact with, or whether it's the area in which I live, but it seems that the importance or significance of a handshake has been completely lost on an entire generation of people. Most handshakes now are limp-wristed, two-finger versions that give the impression that it was a waste of the other person's effort, and that I should be honored that they even bothered.

Maybe it's old fashioned of me at the wise old age of 28, but when I meet a man who can't give a proper handshake, I write them off almost immediately. I'm not talking about those screwed-up handshakes where somehow you don't connect properly, I'm talking about the ones where you can see the other person couldn't have cared less and put zero effort into a simple show of respect. It says a lot about a person, their upbringing, and their attitude on life.

There are exceptions, I guess, mainly to do with other cultures. I've noticed that Indians and Latinos don't seem to put the same stock into it. I don't know if their cultures place the same significance into the gesture, or if it's even a part of their culture at all or simply something they learned in dealing with Americans. That said, any man who grew up in America should know and understand this simple gesture and what it says about him.

Anyway, I'd be interested to hear the opinions of other Slashdotters on this topic. Is it a dying gesture that shouldn't carry the weight I give it? Does it convey exactly what I think it does: a total lack of respect and effort on the part of younger people? You tell me.

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Fucking A (1)

Captain Splendid (673276) | more than 6 years ago | (#23695095)

Like you, I was taught to shake hands the proper way, and the rise of idiots who not only don't know, but also don't seem to care about the impression they're giving is mind-blowing.

I blame the boomers. Worst parents ever. As for a solution, I really don't proffer my hand much anymore, unless it's a business setting. I can't be bothered with the disappointment.

Re:Fucking A (1)

CrazedWalrus (901897) | more than 6 years ago | (#23705855)

Understood. I've just about come to that point myself.

The other one that annoys me are people who don't let go. It's happened to me twice in the last week, where the other person just seems to want to hold my hand during the course of the conversation. The first time I had to try to withdraw my hand three times before I got it back. I hope the other person doesn't take offense, but the whole extended hand-holding thing sort of weirds me out.

I hope I'm not being a jerk, but I thought I was familiar with the protocol. It's amazing how many people apparently don't.

Re:Fucking A (1)

Captain Splendid (673276) | more than 6 years ago | (#23716957)

The other one that annoys me are people who don't let go.

As far as I'm concerned, people like that break down into 2 groups. The first ones are those with some sort of major mental deficiency. Something's gone and broken there if you ask me (This is for N. America and most of Europe though. Many other places, I'd actually expect to "hold hands" for a while.)

Or they're trying to sell you something. If you've seen that scene in Ocean's 11 between Bernie Mac and the car salesman, you'll see what I'm talking about.

I hope I'm not being a jerk

Understandable, but theoretically, the other person might be wondering the same thing! Anyway, life's too short to please everyone. I found out a long time ago that being rough around the edges is fantastic. Most of the idiots get turned off right away, and the ones that "stay" tend to be worth knowing.
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