IntlHarvester's Journal: An update on Slashdot from I, CmdrTaco

An update on Slashdot from I, CmdrTaco. (Score:0, Flamebait)
by Anonymous Coward on 04:13 PM February 21st, 2003 (#5357552)

Hi there. I'm CmdrTaco, one of the ruling despots here at slashdot. Earlier today I realized that I've been deeply troubled by recent events here on slashdot, more troubled than I've been willing to admit to myself. The plebs here have been making alot of noise in the last 24 hours, ever since this thread arose on the "Oracle Breakable After All" story. My attitude was the usual "fuck them all", and I thought the matter undeserving of even a moment of my time. But then a strange thing happened; I was stricken by impotence. I beat and I beat and I beat, and yet even with the aid of the very finest tentacle-rape anime divx selections available, I found myself unable to climax. Even having Hemos choke me with his belt till my face turned blue failed to do the trick. Clearly, something was terribly wrong.

And so, I went soul-searching. I thought back on the other night and the bitchslapping rampage I went on in that thread. I thought of some of the very low UIDs whom I'd smacked down, I thought about the many user moderations that me and the other editors had unjustly overturned with our unlimited mod points. I considered the outcry, the suggestions that we were ignoring the will of our own community, that we were evading a subject that desperately needs discussing, that we were acting autocratically and making hypocrites of ourselves. All these things I pondered, and I pondered long and hard. And this is what I have to say:

Go away.

When me and Hemos began this site so long ago now, we were starry-eyed small-town lovers; young, naive, and drunk on the possibility that a real revolution of sorts might be on the horizon, and that it might involve small furry animals. And so we opened up our labour of love to the world, never suspecting that it would become even half of what it has become today. Things were good, for a time.

But things change. None of you could ever understand just what it feels like, and what it does to a man, to have such a large userbase grow up under your shoddy perl scripts. Unless it happens to you firsthand, you can never truly know. They say that power corrupts, and I am here to tell you that it is true. Once, I cared. I really did. But you people... you went from being individuals, from people I could care about and chat with on #slashdot, to becoming a giant formless mass.. a formless mass seperated into factions; an army of idiots filling my inbox with crap and my RAID array with drivel. Every thread now, I'm lucky if I can find a single comment that doesn't appear to be stamped down by a dim-witted cookie-cutter of a mind. Endless parrotting, pompous bullshit, and people so one-dimensional that it is frightening. I have a secret for you: I too believe that the absurdist noise and distraction of the 'trolls' is the most worthwhile part of slashdot these days. I don't care about anything anymore, save bukkake vids and the occasional good troll.

So then, why do me and my editors censor with an iron fist? Why do we stamp every bit of humour and joy left in this place out and try to make it more and more soullessly grey with each passing day? Because I don't want to have a dialogue with you fucking plebs about the deterioration of this site, I don't want to save it; I want this failed experiment to implode upon the weight of its users' own hypocrisy and hyperbole. You say this site should be a microcosm for the free and open society of the future? Don't you see that it already is? And you wonder why it stinks of shit...

It will continue as it has. The majority of you will come regardless of what we do. I could piss on your mothers and assfuck your fathers and you'd still come to stroke your egos and share your reactionary politics with the world and to waste countless more hours of your miserable days away. The arms-race will continue. You think a bit of mass -1 Offtopics is bad? Brotha you ain't seen nothin yet. The editors will continue to be my hand-picked squad of the biggest fucking assholes I can manage to dredge up. We will continue to ignore your whinging about censorship, indeed we will ramp it up, because we don't fucking care. There will be countless more stories about the latest lame yuppie toys, the latest minor kernel revision, "look what I found in subsection 123.23.1c of this license!", and all manner of other predictable crap for you to hurl your canned responses at and exercise your dogmas on. Katz will continue to offer you his unique brand of insight until the end of time. And we, as always, could care less what you think or want. Droids and trolls alike; you will all lap it up.

You were expecting some great revelation or commitment to reform to become of this? hohohoho... as if I give a damn about the silly dramas you fools generate out of bit-patterns slapping into my DB. I was troubled, but only because I cloaked my true opinions in silence and continued to play the role of naive otaku-boy and open-source ass-puppet. Because I wasn't being honest with myself or with all of you. Now I can speak the truth, and my soul is unburdened. You may now go back to wallowing in the shit; I'm off to blow my load in Hemos' pretty pink face.

Remember this: we are only a mirror.

Thank you.