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moving the closing date?

queenofthe1ring (768698) writes | more than 6 years ago

User Journal 13

In the latest episode of "buying a house will be the death of me.... literally."

Sellers want to move the closing date from July 15th to June 30th, obviously to their benefit. No obvious benefit to us, considering we are already paid to August 4th, which is the end of our lease. Thus far, they haven't accepted all of our repairs, and won't even if we make it a stipulation of closing early.

In the latest episode of "buying a house will be the death of me.... literally."

Sellers want to move the closing date from July 15th to June 30th, obviously to their benefit. No obvious benefit to us, considering we are already paid to August 4th, which is the end of our lease. Thus far, they haven't accepted all of our repairs, and won't even if we make it a stipulation of closing early.

Husband already has verbal agreement with their realtor (who went through our mortgage officer to contact us about this, since our realtor is in Mexico, instead of contacting our realtor's partner). Husband went directly to their realtor to make the deal, instead of going through our realtor's partner.

This leaves the queen grumpy, because she wasn't really taken into consideration. Secondly I talked to my mom today, who gave us more bargaining ideas, but... yeah, bargaining has been done. Going to have to try to figure out some way to do damage control on this.

So what now? I don't know. Still too raw.

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Do I understand correctly? (1)

Shadow Wrought (586631) | more than 6 years ago | (#23877247)

Hubby just said, "Sure! We'll screw ourselves for you your benefit." ? I'm pulling my hair out just thinking about it, particularly when the necessary repairs aren't completed. I don't know that there's much you can do without adding to marital tensions, but maybe putting your foot down and saying, "No," would be the best thing for you. Hubby might have to swallow some pride as he back's off his earlier commitment, but I don't think a verbal commitment has any real power in real estate. (But IANAL, so I don't know what ramifications could come out from backing out now.)

It sounds like the current owners are simply trying to get out and done as soon as possible so there will be less time to do the repairs and they can simply keep saying, "We'll get to it," until it's too late. Maybe you can put a lein on their new place contigent on them repairing their old one? Probably not, but a might be worth asking your realtor when they get back.

Re:Do I understand correctly? (1)

queenofthe1ring (768698) | more than 6 years ago | (#23878061)

Um, pretty much yeah. At least that is the way I feel about it too.

The problem is that 1) he was never very concerned about the repairs, since all of them are essentially minor (but together they are a lot, in my mind) and 2) he wanted to move in early anyways, so I guess that he doesn't really see things the way you and I (and my mom, and our realtor's partner) are seeing them.

They had 4 days to tell us in writing what repairs they were going to do. Apparently they put in an unsigned list to the realtor after the technical deadline. Husband "negotiated" one of the items that they were not going to fix as something they would "definitely do" if we move forward the close. But they are refusing to fix the wiring in the electrical box, which was a major concern of mine that wasn't brought forward.

They are going about this in a very unethical manner, according to our realtor's partner, and she seems suspicious of it as well, but says if we are ok that we should just go through. She did tell me (husband doesn't know I talked to her yet...) that the only thing that matters is what is in writing. So I guess it is not too late. But husband will lose face by having his deal undone.

I'm not sure about leins, I am researching as I type this. Since they have already purchased a new house for themselves, I don't know if it would still work like that. My mom said we could make them escrow money in the amount of the repairs though.

Right now my aim is to weather through the weekend and talk to the realtor on monday (she get's back in tomorrow, but if a decision isn't required tonight, it can wait until monday when I can talk to her alone). I need to make sure I get my point across to her. Because I obviously failed to do that with husband last night.

If the decision has to be made tonight... I don't know what will happen. You're right in that the marital strain is going to be rearing it's ugly head in that case. I'm going to see if I can salvage anything out of this "deal" before I throw down the NO but, I am prepared to do that if necessary.

Thank you for your response. I'll look into lein's and escrow's and see if I can work them in this case. I hope you have a more relaxing weekend than I am anticipating I will have.

Re:Do I understand correctly? (1)

nizo (81281) | more than 6 years ago | (#23878091)

Yeah, talking to their real estate agent directly doesn't sound good at all; they need to be talking to your agent (or agent from your agent's company). They make so much money off commission they damn well better be around to deal with your house. Remember, their agent has no desire to help you whatsoever, now matter how friendly they may appear to be. Period.

And yeah, buying a house is a pain in the ass. Always. Unless you have a bazillion dollars and can pay cash for it :-D

Re:Do I understand correctly? (1)

queenofthe1ring (768698) | more than 6 years ago | (#23878639)

Note to self: find job that pays a bazillion dollars before buying next house. Although at this point I might be content to stay in this house, even though I don't particularly like it, just so I don't have to do this again.

I am going to assume that you think I'm blowing this out of proportion. You aren't wrong. I know I am making a mountain out of what is just a large looking foothill. I guess what pisses me off the most is how excluded I feel from the decision. I am feeling like I am just along for the ride at this point, and I'm riding in the trunk at that.

If everything else was the same but I felt like I had some control over what was going on, I might be able to deal better. Yeah, I would still be pissed off that I have to redo everything I did this week regarding bank, insurance, etc, but at least I would know it was my choice too.

Re:Do I understand correctly? (1)

nizo (81281) | more than 6 years ago | (#23880101)

No I don't think you are blowing it out of proportion; after having been through three different house buying scenarios, I would have told the sellers to go wank off and I'd see them on the date we agreed on already. I can say that once it is all said and done and you are moved in, everyone should be happier and much less stressed out :-)

p.s. Don't hold a grudge; talk to the hubby dumbass and let him know how you feel. Phrase it nicely, because he is a creature from another planet (when you don't involve me in the decision making process, it makes me feel like I am being unfairly excluded, and drives me crazy because I had to redo blahblahblah. I'm not mad at you, I just want to talk to you about it so I don't get all mad and the ravenous sex weasel part of our relationship continues longer. Ok maybe the last bit is a bit much). I know how stressful buying a house can be (he is probably stressed out too) so I hope things work out rapidly and you can get on to the next stressful part; keeping the place liveable and buying junk for every room :-D

Re:Do I understand correctly? (1)

queenofthe1ring (768698) | more than 6 years ago | (#23903407)

Sorry if I sounded accusatory. I've pretty much been in panic mode for an entire week now. Well, probably more than that even.

The talk actually did not go well. At this point I'm not holding a grudge (and I hope that talking with the realtor to figure out what is going on doesn't inspire one), but I am afraid that he might be. I didn't realize that when I talked to the realtor's partner and told her I wasn't ready to agree to sign anything until I saw something from them in writing that I had undid what he had done. Apparently they wanted the deal all tied up before the weekend (did they know our realtor was out of town?!) which I did not know, and I thought I was just getting us some more time to think about the situation.

I guess everything hinges on how my meeting with the realtor goes in about 15 minutes. Still haven't exactly worked out what I am going to say...

Re:Do I understand correctly? (1)

johndiii (229824) | more than 6 years ago | (#23880379)

What nizo said. It's not fair to either you or him to not discuss it ASAP. Not to you, because you don't get what you should out of the marriage. Not to him, because you deny him to opportunity for positive change and growth. Plus, he's going to be really shocked when you explode all over him about it in two or five or ten years.

Pay attention to the behavior patterns - what you can accept, and what has to change. The sooner the better, particularly if kids are in the future. That's why I ended up divorced - I ignored the bad patterns until they were impossible for her to change.

Re:Do I understand correctly? (1)

tuxette (731067) | more than 6 years ago | (#23883235)

Ditto this.

Re:Do I understand correctly? (1)

queenofthe1ring (768698) | more than 6 years ago | (#23906419)

The talk went really badly. We've since made up though. At this point it is questionable which one of us is more likely to explode unexpectedly on the other. I guess it depends on if we're able to get everything worked out to where we're both happy with the deal.

How do you get someone to change a behaviour pattern that they don't really think is a problem?

Re:Do I understand correctly? (1)

johndiii (229824) | more than 6 years ago | (#23908625)

How do you get someone to change a behaviour pattern that they don't really think is a problem?

The short answer: you don't. In order for a person to change a behavior pattern, they have to want to change it. And it has to be important to them, not just 'if you say so', because changing ingrained patterns is hard.

If it is a problem for you, as an individual, then it is a problem for you as a couple. In a marriage, or at least in the sort of marriage that I consider worth having, you have to go from making individual decisions to operating by consensus. Both people have to agree on what will be done. Each has to give some, at times. That is why I said that you are going to have to decide what you can live with - what are you willing to give, and what do you absolutely have to receive.

Those are not easy questions; I hope that you can make a start on resolving them now, to save some pain in the future.

Re:Do I understand correctly? (1)

SamTheButcher (574069) | more than 6 years ago | (#23884745)

I don't think a verbal commitment has any real power in real estate.

Shadow's much closer to being a lawyer than I am, but tread very, VERY lightly here. Verbal agreements can be binding in certain instances.

Now...Yes, he should have consulted you on it. Like johndiii says, you're still young and have time to make these mistakes, but they have to be made out in the open. If you let this slide, you'll just push it down and it'll erupt years later. But now, especially, being newlyweds and buying a house, is NOT a good time to start these patterns.

Secondly, if buzzers and bells are going off, it's for a reason. If it seems like they're trying to weasel you guys, and it seems that way from multiple viewpoints, they likely are. DO NOT acquiesce, unless it is to your benefit. You are under contract, but if they're bargaining in bad faith, IANAL, but you have a legal basis to walk away. Discuss this with your realtor. THIS IS THEIR JOB. It is also their job to be available for you in these situations. Buying a house is a big deal. Perhaps they've earned their trip to Mexico, but you deserve to have someone you trust working FOR you. Not WITH you, FOR you. YOU are the client here.

I hope it works out, both with the house (well, no, honestly, I don't, I don't like that house) and with your husband.

Re:Do I understand correctly? (1)

queenofthe1ring (768698) | more than 6 years ago | (#23906805)

Well, when I talked to the realtor today, she told me that verbal agreements weren't really legally binding, but that if they've already made the arrangements, it would still be to our best advantage (legally) to go along with it.

First we would have to prove that they were intentionally doing this. They are playing it off as a miscommunication and misunderstanding problem. Which I guess it could be, but we'll have to see what their realtor has to say once ours is able to get ahold of her.

I think husband sees the realtor as only an advisor, and basically a necessary evil. Which was part of the problem I think. (btw, she was in Mexico for her son's wedding. she didn't just pick up and go for no reason.)

Well, if things have gotten so messed up to where we can't get the house... well, bad things will probably happen.

Um. (1)

Some Woman (250267) | more than 6 years ago | (#23902899)

Going around both you and the realtor is a huge, huge red flag to me. You need to talk to him about this now. I don't think that you are blowing this out of proportion at all. He essentially cut you out of a huge decision making process, and also showed a complete lack of consideration for the negotiation process, which put both of you guys and your current realtor at a disadvantage.

All so that he could have things his way right. this. second.

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