pgpckt's Journal: Marriage after 3 weeks?

I had an intellectual argument with a good friend yesterday, and I was pretty sure I was right, even after 3 rounds of debate, so I thought I would write a journal entry about it.

I was arguing that is was simply impossible to know if you found "the one" after dating for three weeks. My premise is that if you only know someone three weeks, you really haven't gotten to know them, and the emotional force of immediate love (Love at first site) hasn't worn off. After 6 months for example, you would be able to know alot more about the character of the person you are dating, though I personally wouldn't do with less than a full year.

I also supposed that those that get married after dating 3 weeks would be a great deal more likely to break up sooner than those who dated for longer (like 6 months). If the odds of success are so much poorer in the first group than the second, and there is no way to know if you are a case of the rule or the exception, it just seems to be a lot smarter to wait longer than 3 weeks, in order to increase the odds your relationship will last.

This all assumes of course that your goal in marriage is for a life long commitment. If you want to know if you can be happy living with someone for 50 years, it would seem a lot more logically sound to date for a period of time to gain a representative sample of what that person is like in different moods and how they deal with conflict and things like that. 3 weeks isn't a big enough sample. 6 months is a better sample. With a year long sample, you have seen a person at all seasons of the year, and know how they deal with life.

Four examples

[FortKnox]

My brother and sister-in-law dated for 7 years before marriage, and are in a great marriage.
My wife and I dated for about 5 years before marriage, and are in a great marriage.
My sister-in-law (wife's side) and brother-in-law dated for about 4 months before marriage, and are in a great marriage.
My mother-in-law and father-in-law dated about a month beofre marriage, and are in a great marriage.

The difference in all four examples is the time waited. The similarities are that they all ended in good marriages.
Now, I'm sure someone can come up with four examples of people that waited the same length and ended in terrible marriages/divorce.

The moral of the lesson? Depends on the person and when they are ready, but it doesn't guarantee a good marriage (though it is entirely possible that it WILL end in a good marriage).

More proof? I have indian friends that are in an arranged marriage and met the day of their wedding, and they are in a great marriage...
Wild, eh?

marriage

[Guipo]

I dated my wife after knowing her for years, for only 4 months. we got married, and now we're really on the rocks. i guess everyone is different.

All seasons of the year...

[$$$$$exyGal]

I like what you say in regards to "all seasons of the year". I've said that myself when I was in similar discussions.

3 weeks is not long enough to know somebody before getting married. It may be different if they've known each other for weeks, and then they just started dating. Maybe. 3 weeks is probably also ok if you are 80 years old ;-).

I wonder what you feel about living with someone before marriage (including sex, etc)? Myself, I think it is important. There are lots of drawbacks, and some people shouldn't live like that, but I prefer it.

--gal