Journal Aphoxema's Journal: Blah blah blah 1
I want to say something profound and witty that no one's ever said before, but everything's been said before and better than I can say it. I'm so uninteresting, I hardly ever have an original thought... that is, I've thought I've had original thoughts, dispositions, but I realize painfully over and over again that all I really do is put what other people say in different words.
Sometimes it feels impossible to make my own educated decision. I'm not entirely lacking in free will, I can make the more obvious choices, though to my point I can't even think of any good examples right now. It's where I have to choose things for myself is where I get hung up. Do I want the cheeseburger or the chicken sandwich? Soup or salad? The red one or the blue one? Have I had too much caffeine today? Should I care how I dress?
It's hard to care about myself. I feel like a machine and if someone isn't telling me what to do I can't get anything done.
I got an air mattress and I finally got some sleep last night, I feel refreshed and I can really keep up today, but I still feel blank. Maybe this is how people are supposed to feel, but I still feel like I don't have identity, like I used to have more and now I've forgotten it somewhere. It makes it hard to be happy when I'm alone.
Meh (Score:1)
In other words, don't worry so much about decisions and authenticity and doubt, just try to be good to yourself an others. Everything else you might care for or want can't happen without a solid foundation.