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Letter of Secession

RM6f9 (825298) writes | more than 5 years ago

United States 3

Dear Red States:
If you manage to steal this election too we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan,
Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

Dear Red States:
          If you manage to steal this election too we've decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan,
Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.
          To sum up briefly: You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states. We get stem cell research and the best beaches. We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Dollywood. We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom. We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss. We get 85% of
America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue, you get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22% lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
          Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war, and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once.
If you need people to fight, ask your evangelicals. They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq , and hope that the
WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our resources in Bush's Quagmire.
          With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines, 90% of all cheese, 90% of the high tech industry, 95% of the corn and soybeans (thanks Iowa!), most of the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all
living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
          With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs), 92% of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
          Additionally, 38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the war, the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher
morals then we lefties.
Finally, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt weed they grow in Mexico.
Peace out,
--Blue States

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Pretty funny , but... (1)

zogger (617870) | more than 5 years ago | (#25592545)

..there really aren't any blue "states". What you have are a handful of large urban "blue" cities, the bulk of those states are medium red by your definitions. That is the real split in the US, look at votes county by county, not by state by state, you can see it quite clearly. In the blue zones, you get a lot of buildings, and a whole heaping helping of hungry people who "deserve" bloated salaries for doing such "productive" things as designing throw away ecological nightmares of mountains of e-waste based guaranteed hearing loss gadgets and oh so valuable (not) toxic paper derivatives and those wonderful **AA entertainment "products" that everyone on slashdot always supports fully.heh...but not a lot of those natural resources in the list. In other words, after the big split, have fun with 250 dollar apiece hamburgers exchanged over the checkpoints, if they take your printed up pieces of paper, they might want something, ya know, actually valuable and tangible...which you probably would not have very soon as all your stuff ran out..because you got around three days of stuff in the blue cities, then..cannibalism..

  I've been to NYC, LA, and San Fran, not a wheat stalk to see, nary a sunflower, nor a soybean, zilch coal mines, no corn... Oh ya, water for ya'all folks is one benjamin per gallon piped in through the "redzone" controlled pipelines and water reservoirs. Electricity? heh heh heh, hope you like making candles out of rendered remains of the more eugenically non popular metro denizens that your citizen fitness councils deem to be not 'cool" enough, and "city rabbits" you might be able to catch in the alleys. Oh, you got coal plants? Remember where the coal comes from? Oh ya, you got a nuke plant? Remember where uranium comes from? Oh, you got hydro? Remember where the big dams are? Getting the picture yet? You really want to go extreme split and see who can make it or not? Personally, I'd love to see it....for about a month, then see what is really valuable or not, office busywork, or outside ag/mining/forestry/fishing work and manufacturing work.

      Right now, the big city blue area pirates and economic parasites and leechers and looters set the rates, but they screwed up bad and started ripping off not only the red areas but *each other*. Ya'all got a nice little mess going on right now, good luck with just that and your electronic promises of wealth they sold you...hahahah..

    it's funny really. Your system has to be 100% functional as an imperial colonist empire type, with full ripoffs of raw resources and with full labor exploitation at the point of your blue area "laws", or it starts to unravel fast, whereas red area systems can gracefully degrade pretty good and can still be functional without a single blue area input all the way to quite functional 1800s era levels..not a thing is needed. The blue urban areas though..you can't do it, it is simply impossible for modern big cities to exist without colonial exploitation of the countryside. And it's a damn pity ya'all are too "hip and cool and oh so elite and superior" to see it, because you sure talk a great human rights and "enlightened" game.

But with that said, realistically, yuks aside (but I am not kidding on you only have three days of food max in your big cities, and they really are examples of modern colonial styled exploitation), I would support ANY state that tried a real secession movement again, because the current federal government is beyond repair and sucks rubber donkey dongs. It's just too broken to fix, too corrupt, too far gone. I'd move to state X and help as fast as I could arrange a yard sale and get rid of the junk and pack..as long as they respected full second amendment rights like Vermont (and they have a robust secessionist movement BTW) that is.. because without ALL my born with & in-freekin-alienable rights..then no sale, if I wanted some sort of nanny state europe with an even worse big brother surveillance society and a 75% tax rate and an even larger over pensioned and unaccountable bureaucracy, that already exists, no need to create it, it's over yonder one plane ride away.

Here's my one really big impression of NYC, staying there a few weeks, out of everything else that happened and that I saw. Saw a dead guy, some homeless person, frozen stiff, dead on the sidewalk, hundreds/thousands of people walking over and around him..no one stops. I did, joe country hick who hitchiked in and was wandering around, literally big knife on my belt like croc dundee (my dad's old navy knife from ww2 actually), whole deal there. Went and told a cop about it, he shrugs his shoulders said "someone would be by and pick the stiff up" along those lines. Oh, and sirens, non stop, 24/7 sirens. Just wonderful...awe inspiring..really made me want to live there...uh huh. Giant huge electric signs burning all night long trying to apparently sell stuff to the space aliens, that's who could see the signs anyway. Very ecological I am sure... Every tenth or twentieth dude on the sidewalk selling stolen crap or drugs.... oh ya, it *stinks*, it's really foul, as in reeks. Big cities just have a stench to them. I guess if you are soaking in concentrated pollution and human effluvium all the time it permeates everything along with your brain so you don't notice it, but man, big cities are just foul. The air is chunky styled and has a marvelous rainbow hue to it that changes all the time. And you don't really want to look down and see what you are stepping on, most of it is crawling with human disease no doubt...

That's just some of the real life blue area "values" for you. And those are the highpoints, I can run down a real list of some really bad stuff I have seen in big cities that tend to "vote blue" and fit the "blue" description, but I think you might get the picture. And..this is why I live in the country in a "red" area now. All places are tradeoffs, but frankly, just because some doofus up the street is a strict creationist or whatever has never impacted my life in the slightest, never. And if the blue area "economists" and "titans of wallstreet" and DC jerks hadn't blown the economy out so much, I guarantee you you wouldn't have any red area kids "joining up", it's the only freeking job the colonial puppet masters are allowing anymore, what with bring in all your illegals and giving them amnesty and having "sanctuary cities" then outsourcing all the other decent entry level blue collar jobs over to your darling nation china. It "enhances shareholder values" for your "stock portfolios". Thanks a lot blue area folks who wear suits to work and work in offices, ya'all are real neighborly!

Not so much fun when someone holds up a mirror, is it?

  Nothing personal, but this artificial left/right, blue/red shit is like junior high level political analysis at best, even in alleged humor. It got old 40 years ago for me. Obama is a complete bought off compromised *goon*, a thug, look at his main foreign policy jerk, zbignew brezinski? are you (*(&ubg kidding me? And mclame? zbigs SON is his foreign policy go-to-er. Catch the clue yet? The fix is in. Both are "blue urban area" politicians, globalists, sellouts to the billionaires, traitors, liars, cheats and skunks, and neither are even close to being "red area" people. Anyone who thinks there is a huge difference failed to note the opening credits of this show when the laugh track was running, it's a *joke*, a scam, a con. It's a rigged game run by folks way over most everyone's head who laugh their ass off at how easy it is to control their serfs by feeding them the bullshit they want to hear. they just pick their audience, throw the appropriate stupid talk radio asshole at them, and feed them the swill that passes for "informed content".

Now I am tempted to just trash this post but spent too long on it so I'll post it. Again, don't take it personal, just...I got not a lot of high level tech expertise to offer on slashdot or technocrat, I am not a coder nor a "day trader" nor a computer engineer nor in "advertising" or "marketing" or "data entry" or "academia" nor..any of that, just an older blue collar guy who loves to see how things work and loves to build stuff and grow stuff, and I can offer some on alt energy and gardening and aspects of practical preparedness and basic real economy, but what I do got that is really important-that I think is important and why i am writing this- is a lot of hours looking, analyzing and really trying to cut through the smoke and mirrors and crap everyone gets brainwashed with starting in the blue area designed public indoctrination areas they call schools, and gets worse from that point. And having an almost equal life of half rural and half urban, half blue/half red area, I think I can assess this somewhat, plus having worked politics for so long I know they need to issue you a clothespin for your nose and rubber surgical gloves for your hands when you get next to 99.999% of those pro politics folks. And that's it, I got some truths to offer, even if they sound harsh. All that I posted up above is 100% true stuff, even if it sounds like a normal flame, it ain't. Hope you get where I am coming from, and pass it on to whomever wrote that thing. If not, oh well, I tried.

    This country right now doesn't need any more schism, these are quite dangerous times and I don't think most people fully understand what the full ramifications can become, and how fast we can get to that point where everyone can see the veneer of civilization is really ..quite thin as the phrase goes. Put it this way, I am more concerned now than during the cuban missile crisis or the summer of 69 when things got real hot following the fun and games of 67 and 68. We got real damn close to some "interesting times" then. Dangerous times now is an understatement,so... going out of the way to make things worse is counter productive right now, and falling for those globalist goons propaganda tricks of "divide and conquer" that have used *forever* is never a smart move, even in jest, because words have power. It varies, but it is there.

A Red-Blue County map, 2004 (1)

peacefinder (469349) | more than 5 years ago | (#25595847)

Can be found here [cimedia.com] .

And yeah, zogger is totally right about that; even the "blue" coastal states are, for the most part, deeply divided internally.

But but but (1)

tqft (619476) | more than 5 years ago | (#25597789)

will you still have enough losers, loners & nutcases to make another Jerry Springer style show - or is that the plan?

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