Beltway Prophet's Journal: The ThinkGeek Code Monkey Bible, Chapter I

Like all true believers, we ThinkGeek code monkeys have our own holy scripture: Perl Best Practices. But if we had a bible, its first chapter might go something like this...

1n 7eh 6391nn1n9, Jen-Willie-Scott (PBUT) were alone among the blinkenlights. And then the Jon came, the first of the codemonkeys, and configured the Server and coded the Perl and sent Apache daemons to enliven it, and it was good. And JWS brought forth t-shirts and bumper stickers and Linux stuff and called it "ThinkGeek," and it was good. And they all went out to see The Matrix, and it was pretty good, too.

And lo, for forty days the Server ran. It ran on a Pentium II 450 with 128 megs of RAM, and Jon saw that uptime was good. And JWS went among the people, and told them about the t-shirts and the Linux stuff, and the people came, the fat and the skinny and the pocket-protected and pimply-faced and the pocket-unprotected and the smooth of skin alike. And JWS told the sysadmins and the codemonkeys and the technicians and the designers and the fabricators. And the telling brought forth smart masses, and they came. Then came the Slashdot, and washed over ThinkGeek, and the RAM did fill up, and the pII trembled and grew hot.

And Jon saw that it suffered, and brought forth a companion for the pII to share its burdens, and laid RAM at their feet to comfort them. But Jon's daemons were yet weak; each Apache Jon sent forth was cut down by the forces of the Slashdot. And Jon cried out, "O JWS, why hast thou sent this Destroyer to destroy my daemons with its destructive ways?"

And JWS spake unto Jon, saying, "Codemonkey, thou art clever but not yet wise. See how thy 'Destroyer' works upon your daemons! It is not to weaken but to strengthen them!" And Jon was enlightened, and brought forth MySQL to accompany for the Perl and the Apache, and the daemons prospered, and ThinkGeek's uptime grew long as the KVM cables and long as the great pipe through the ceiling to the ISP on the third floor. And the Jon did attend them, from his Desk and from his Couch, in the day and the night.

And it was good.