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Michael Jackson Jokes

tomhudson (43916) writes | more than 5 years ago

It's funny.  Laugh. 34

... inspired by this journal entry by Captain Splendid ...

Woman on a beach to Michael Jackson: "Can you move? You're in my son."

After Michael Jackson paid $15 million in hush money to a dentists' son: "$15 million for filling ONE cavity?"

Movies that never got made: "Michael Jackson in "Home Alone 4 - Think of the Children!"

... inspired by this journal entry by Captain Splendid ...

Woman on a beach to Michael Jackson: "Can you move? You're in my son."

After Michael Jackson paid $15 million in hush money to a dentists' son: "$15 million for filling ONE cavity?"

Movies that never got made: "Michael Jackson in "Home Alone 4 - Think of the Children!"

The real cause of Michael Jackson's death: Food poisoning from eating a 9-year-old weiner.

Peter was recently suspended from his duties in heaven after Michael Jackson tried to get in. A spokesman for God said "It wasn't so much that Peter's first reaction was 'WTF???', but that he then told Mr. Jackson 'Sorry, white-faced monkeys have to go to the animal heaven'". God then proceeded to hold Mr. Jackson over the edge of a cloud for everyone to see ... and was quoted as saying "I want my children to have a normal life" before dropping him over the edge.

#1 in a list of documentaries we don't want to see: "Michael Jackson Unmasked!"

Diana Ross quote: "No, I will NOT channel Michael Jackson!"

California Governator Schwartzenegger wants Michael Jackson to be buried in Detroit: "Particularly the nose. We have enough toxic waste already."

After sneezing, Michael Jackson has to wipe his nose - then re-insert it.

Dogs were banned from Neverland after one of them buried Michael Jackson's nose.

Q. What's black and noisy and cute?
A. Michael Jackson with the Jackson 5
Q. What's white and noisy and scary-ugly?
A. Michael Jackson as a parent.
Q. What's blue and quiet?
A. Michael Jackson today.
Q. What's green and sings all of Michael Jackson's hits backwards?
A. Michael Jackson decomposing!

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Gotten from a F of a F on Facebook (5, Funny)

Captain Splendid (673276) | more than 5 years ago | (#28480787)

When Farrah Fawcett got to heaven, God granted her one wish, so she wished for all the children of the world to be safe.

So God killed Michael Jackson.

Re:Gotten from a F of a F on Facebook (1)

itsthebin (725864) | more than 5 years ago | (#28481841)

a few stacking up here

http://teakdoor.com/the-teakdoor-lounge/52746-jacko-jokes.html [teakdoor.com]

particularly like - Reports of Michael Jacksons death were incorrect. He was found in the childrens ward, having a stroke

Re:Gotten from a F of a F on Facebook (1)

ffnogoodnik (812414) | more than 5 years ago | (#28491043)

With the passing of Michael Jackson we see the end of a fantastic musical career..."Weird Al" Yankovic's I won a wierd pool at work. It was worth 5.8 million dollars. I said that Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett woudl dies on the same day. Unfortunately I will never see any of it. Ed McMahon was going to deliver my winnings.

Re:Gotten from a F of a F on Facebook (1)

tomhudson (43916) | more than 5 years ago | (#28491149)

With the passing of Michael Jackson we see the end of a fantastic musical career..."Weird Al" Yankovic's

I think the first cover videos I saw by Weird Al were "Fat" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqz1ojIQTBk [youtube.com] and "Eat It" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyfcOriVKBM&feature=channel [youtube.com] I actually prefer Weird Al's parodies to the originals in many cases.

Re:Gotten from a F of a F on Facebook (1)

Bill Dog (726542) | more than 5 years ago | (#28492385)

Re: your link, I stopped breathing on the last one there:

will janet jackson get her tits out at the funeral ?

Re:Gotten from a F of a F on Facebook (1)

Vexor (947598) | more than 5 years ago | (#28529799)

Q: Why did Michael Jackson go to K-Mart? A: He heard boys pants were half off.

Knock, Knock. (4, Funny)

BHS_Turf (8387) | more than 5 years ago | (#28487909)

Knock, Knock.
  - Who's there?
Little Boy Blue.
  - Little Boy Blue Who?
Michael Jackson.

What I want to know is (1)

plover (150551) | more than 5 years ago | (#28491275)

Who is going to be the rich weirdo of the future, the guy who buys Michael Jackson's skeleton to display at his freak-show house? Bill Gates? Paul Allen? Paul McCartney? Britney Spears?

Re:What I want to know is (1)

tomhudson (43916) | more than 5 years ago | (#28491921)

The Britster and Jocko? Thanks. Now excuse me while I go bleach my eyeballs ...

Prince, on the other hand No - what I'm looking forward to is all the scam artists claiming to be able to sell a piece of Michael Jackson's NOSE (sort of like all those "Piece of Wood from the Cross" scams).

... or Diana Ross claiming to be channeling the spirit of Michael Jackson ...

Lawyers (4, Funny)

jabithew (1340853) | more than 5 years ago | (#28492835)

You can take the kid out of Michael Jackson but you can't finish this joke because he has very good lawyers.

Transplant (1)

Ronald Dumsfeld (723277) | more than 5 years ago | (#28492903)

Doctors announced upon the confirmation of Michael Jackson's death that one of his last acts was to sign up as an organ donor.

On offer: three noses, four sets of lips, and a variety of different skin colours.

Jacko jokes (5, Funny)

VlartBlart (948166) | more than 5 years ago | (#28493531)

What's the difference between Jacko and an Adobe Acrobat document? One's a PDF file...

Elephant Man (1)

s1234d (542588) | more than 5 years ago | (#28497881)

Do you think the estate of John Merrick has any money? Because maybe the Elephant Man could buy Michael Jackson's remains.

This isn't funny (1)

Patchw0rk F0g (663145) | more than 5 years ago | (#28497987)

How dare you all! Michael is now up in heaven, buggering baby Jesus!

Here, let me fix that for you (0)

tomhudson (43916) | more than 5 years ago | (#28498691)

How dare you all! Michael is now up in heaven, nailing baby Jesus!

Heaven (1)

pbaer (833011) | more than 5 years ago | (#28503677)

Michael Jackson knocked on the gates of heaven, and St. Peter told him to "Beat It".

Now that... (1)

CWRUisTakingMyMoney (939585) | more than 5 years ago | (#28512641)

Now that Michael Jackson is dead, who will rear the children?

You know... (2, Funny)

Zeriel (670422) | more than 5 years ago | (#28512813)

Since Michael was 80% plastic anyway, he should be recycled.

Specifically, he should be recycled into plastic shopping bags so he can remain white, unsightly, and a menace to small children.

Stomach (1)

bleedingpegasus (679562) | more than 5 years ago | (#28525149)

There is a drug test gate before Michael can go into the heaven. Drug-sniffing dogs are barking loudly at Michael...

Officer: Do you bring any drugs Mike?
Michael: Nope
... Officer did body search and found nothing
Officer: Open your clothes
(Michael strips, but dogs keep on barking)
... Officer looking at Michael in disbelief why dogs keep barking on him
Michael: Ok ok, i'll let you open my stomach... but please leave some Xanax and Demerol in...

Older joke (1)

Abreu (173023) | more than 5 years ago | (#28529825)

On one of his last tours, Michael Jackson suddenly decided to switch hotels...

He had read an ad for the new hotel that promised "two children free per room"

Billy Mays (3, Funny)

RingDev (879105) | more than 5 years ago | (#28530021)

Got this one from a co-worker:

So Billy Mays goes to bed on Saturday night. Before climbing under the covers he says a little prayer, "Dear lord, in the last week you've taken Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson..." God interrupts and says, "But wait! There's MORE!"

-Rick

You guys are sick..... (1)

Asm-Coder (929671) | more than 5 years ago | (#28537771)

.... Making fun of some poor dead guy. In fact, the only thing that I can think of that is more disgusting is Jacko....

mod points (1)

tsalaroth (798327) | more than 5 years ago | (#28543437)

Wow.. folks spending mod points on a journal entry. I thought I was the only one who did that.

Re:mod points (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 5 years ago | (#28592641)

I wish I had mod points to mod you off-topic

Breaking news... (1)

isdr (1188625) | more than 5 years ago | (#28582449)

Michael Jackson dead. Future generations of young boys breath collective sigh of relief. More details as they become available... (I posted this on my Facebook page when I found out. I'm a bad man, speaking ill of the dead.)

Re:Breaking news... (1)

tomhudson (43916) | more than 5 years ago | (#28583291)

You want bad? Try this:

When asked to comment, Bubbles the chimp signed "Does this mean no more booty calls?"

Michael Jackson now has a new passtime - he's not doing music any more - just chillin'.

The morticians are having a hard time prepping the body - without the mask, he's the spitting image of the Joker.

Michael Jackson's will stated that his body was supposed to take one last roller coaster ride in Neverland before being cremated. Because he's broke, they're settling for "Shake & Bake".

Why does Michael Jackson smell rotten after 4 days? "I'm bad, I'm bad, you know it!"

Lyrics:

Your butt Is mine
At Neverland tonight
I can't show my face
In broad daylight
They're telling you
Little boys I feel
Don't pay no mind
It's my sex appeal
Come On,

Come On,
Lay it on me
All Right...

I'm giving you
On count of three
To show your stuff
Then you touch me...
I'm telling you
Just use your mouth
You know my game
What I'm about

Well They Say under 18's the Limit
And To Me That's so not True
'cuz My child You Have Seen Nothin'
Just Wait 'Till I Get Through...

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad - Come on
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad - You smell It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad - Come on, You Know
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And My body's rotting away right now
My expiry date's past due,
Who's Bad...

Re:Breaking news... (1)

isdr (1188625) | more than 5 years ago | (#28583347)

I only said I was bad, not *awful*. :) Funny stuff. Has anyone recorded the song yet? If not, I hope someone does...

Re:Breaking news... (1)

tomhudson (43916) | more than 5 years ago | (#28586223)

Has anyone recorded the song yet? If not, I hope someone does...

I doubt it, since I just made it up while I was writing the post - but I'd think there's some variation of it out there somewhere ... I'd like to see Weird Al do it.

They just read Michael Jackson's will... (1)

moxley (895517) | more than 5 years ago | (#28588167)

They just read Michael Jackson's Will - most of it was fairly standard, but the part regarding internment of his remains was interesting:

Since he is 90% plastic, he has requested to be melted down into legos.....So that he can play with little boys forever!!!

Michael Jackson's heart (1)

Saysys (976276) | more than 5 years ago | (#28591859)

just couldn't beat it... beat it...

Oblig MJ Death Joke (1)

Theoboley (1226542) | more than 5 years ago | (#28593859)

Michael Jackson was found dead of a heart attack. The heart attack was reportedly induced while he was blowing Bubbles in the back yard of his Neverland Ranch. /rimshot

Plastic! (1)

BurzumNazgul (1163509) | more than 5 years ago | (#28597079)

Since Michael Jackson is mostly plastic they're going to melt him down and make legos. Now little kids can play with HIM for a change.

Ignored medical advice (1)

Vainglorious Coward (267452) | more than 5 years ago | (#28605217)

His physician told him he was looking very pale, but he just said "Thank you very much"

Re:Ignored medical advice (1)

tomhudson (43916) | more than 5 years ago | (#28617383)

Some originals ...

Michael Jackson's heart attack wasn't caused by drugs - someone had told him that OctoMom needed help rearing her 14 kids ...

Michael Jackson's videos had to be played backwards to make the music come out right ... it's been obvious from the way his body parts keep falling off that he's been de-composing for years - which also explains the "moon walk".

Q: What's black and white and full of semen?
A: A Michael Jackson slumber party.

Q. Why couldn't they bury Michael Jackson at sea?
A. Shit floats.

Q. What's the difference between a Michael Jackson fan and anyone else?
A. When anyone else says "leave the boy alone", they're talking TO Michael Jackson.

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