Chabo's Journal: The early racist gets the bird

Note: This is a continuation of a series of stories written by a central Texas police officer named "Darth Tang", which are being archived by Chabo, with no editing. Read more about this project.

This story was originally posted on November 23, 2003.

Our PAC has various light-hearted contests around the major holidays; some of the favorites are the 10-9 stories (strange tales of the job), most humorous scar, uglist car markings, and the like.

I won a 28lb Butterball turkey this weekend for Best Deposition (Civil).

Below is the winning excerpt. This dep was taken as a result of a civil case for excessive use of force and police brutality based on race. The shyster was the City's. 'Guy' is the guy who filed the suit.

[shyster]: So, at this point Sergeant Darth was issueing verbal commands?

[Guy]: What?

[shyster]: Sergeant Darth was ordering you to take certain actions, in a commanding manner.

[Guy]: Yeah, he was yelling at me, real rude. He a racist M-F.

[shyster]: You understood what he was saying, is that correct?

[Guy]: Yeah, but he didn't need to yell and call me an asshole.

[shyster]: Was Sergeant Darth carrying a pistol that day?

[Guy]: Yeah, one of them big Glocks. He like to shoot black people, I could tell. I figure, he gonna kill me.

[shyster]: Where was Sergeant Darth's pistol?

[Guy]: In his holster, there.

[shyster]: Did Sergeant Darth ever draw his pistol or any other firearm?

[Guy]: Ah, no, no, the other pig had his out....the red hair guy.

[shyster]: So, what happened after Sergeant Darth shouted at you?

[Guy]: He yelled a lot...yelled bad. He all red-faced and shit.

[shyster]: And then?

[guy]: OK, so my bitch starts yellin', an I look at her. That when Darth jump in and hit me on the arm with his stick. Hit me for no reason a-tall. Hit me 'cause he a racist.

[shyster]: And this blow on your arm, did it hurt?

[Guy]: Well, yeah, later. Right then my whole arm go numb, like it dead. I figure he broke it, he hit me so hard. He had no reason.

[shyster]: Was your arm broken?

[Guy]: No, see, no, he didn't break my arm, but he tried, see, and that's wrong. Police brutal...brutality.

[shyster]: And did this blow cause any other injuries?

[Guy]; Yeah, yeah, see my arm went...sorta numb, like. Couldn't hardly feel my hand. Made me drop the axe, and it lands on my foot. Broke the big toe an' the nex', and some stiches.

[shyster]: The axe you were holding in an upraised manner?

[Guy]: Huh?

[shyster]: You were holding the axe up, the head of the axe was above your head?

[Guy]: No, the head...it was sorta here, 'bout by my ear, that high. Maybe a couple inches more.

[shyster]: Was this the same axe you had struck your brother-in-law with shortly before the police arrived?

[Guy]: Wasn't no brother nuthin, I never married that bitch, she just use my name and talk trash.

[shyster]: Was the axe you dropped the same axe you struck Name with before the police arrived?

[Guy]: Yeah...but that was self defense.

[shyster]: And you struck Name twice in the back with that axe?

[Guy]: In self defense, yeah.

[shyster]: While Name was running?

[Guy]: Well, he was movin'...see...but he was threatening me.

[shyster]: While he was running?

[Guy]: No, before...see, the bitch calls him, and he come over talking tough, bein' bad and all that. Fronting me in my house. Threatin' me. So, I got the axe...for self defense.

[shyster]: And your girlfriend then called the police?

[guy]: Yeah, she got the phone back together while her brother...while I was defendin' myself.

[shyster]: Which led to you confronting Sergeant Darth with a bloody axe in your front yard?

[Guy]: I was defendin' myself.

[shyster]: And were you holding Child, a seven year old girl in front of you?

[Guy]: No, see...she run to me 'cause she was scared, 'cause the police, they always whippen' up on black people 'round the flats.

[shyster]: Were you holding her by the hair?

[Guy]: Hell, no.

[shyster]: You didn't have a handful of her hair in your hand?

[Guy]: See...I was pattin' her on the head to make her feel better, an' when my toes got broke 'cause that racist hit me for no reason, well, I jerked, and pulled some a her hair out.

[shyster]: Did Sergeant Darth order you to drop the axe?

[Guy]: Yeah. 'cause he wanted to kick my ass.

[shyster]: Did he order you to release Child?

[Guy]: Yeah, cause he...cause he wanted to kick my ass, and she be in the way.

[shyster]: Did he tell you that you were under arrest?

[Guy]: Yeah...no, the red-hair pig do that.

[shyster]: And your opinion is that the only reason Sergeant Darth struck you is that he is biased against black people? Biased means prejudiced.

[Guy]: Yeah. And he rude, too. When we was waitin' for the ambulance he tole me, 'You got the right to remain silent. Exercise you right an shut the fuck up.'

And for that, they gave me the bird.