longtailedhermit's Journal: tales of misogyny part 1 - losing my hand to heroin

i will describe an accident while slamming heroin. i have not yet lost my hand. it's a few days since the accident and my fingers have turned black.

i'm still addicted to opiates.

i need to vent here. i'm going to rant and rave. i just need to have a pity party, and i hope i don't offent anyone. and sorry for not capitalizing. i don't know if i will ever be able use caps correctly again.

i usally use a 1 ml rig with a 5/8 inch point. i asked for a 5/8 inch needle at the pharmacy, but they gave me 1 1/2 inch. i had used these before, and i knew they were tricky and notorious for bruising. the shorter point is better because it allow for more control and you're less likely to go all the way through the vein or hit the arteries which lie deeper than veins.

i fixed 500mg of mexican brown tar heroin and figured i'd hit the vein in the crook of my arm where i usually do. i was careful and went in at a shallow angle. i hit the main line on the first try. i had bought only 1 point because i had planned on JUST ONE hit. well bugger me dead after about 10 minutes i started leveling off and i wanted another. i carefully cleaned my rig and drew up the second fix. 500mg of tar heroin will fuck you up nodding hard. the light was dim, and i thought i was sticking the same place. nope. my hand caught on fire from the inside like a motherfscker. I HIT AN ARTERY. it hurt BAD!

I thought it would ok. i dismissed it thinking the dope would harmlessly diffuse though the walls of the capillaries and dissipate into the surrounding tissue. but i didn't know the dope would clog the microvasculature in the tips of my fingers. the end of the line.

later i started to worry and got on my motorcyle. i was going to drive up to the er and have a doctor look at it. i soon found that i coudn't squeeze the clutch. i couldn't feel my hand much less move it. so i tried using my right hand to operate the clutch to get myself started. soon, i was getting dizzy. i decided i needed to get the fsck home. i figured what the fsck i will speed shift it home. i crashed. i kind stranger helped me pick up the bike. i called tom to take me home. i don't remember much when i got home...i just collapsed with the thought that i'd wait and see what would happen when i awoke. when i woke up, my hand was blue, and i couldn't move my fingers or my hand at the wrist. to my relief, the pain was gone for the most part. i figured this was like the night i spent cramming for an organic chemistry final sitting in a kneeling position on a wood floor. i couldn't feel my feet for a few days, but i was fine later. i didn't know then that i had already developed necrosis in some of my fingertips.

so where does misogyny factor in on this? well, it's all about inga, and i will write about it later. now, the pain in my hand and forearm is off the charts, and i can not focus on typing.