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1999 interview with Marine Major Willie Futcup

mcgrew (92797) writes | more than 2 years ago

Quake 0

As we all know, the attack on Stroggos, recreated in the videogame Quake II, was led by one of the US Marines' finest, Major William Futcup. We ask the Major for his views of the assault on Stroggos.

As we all know, the attack on Stroggos, recreated in the videogame Quake II, was led by one of the US Marines' finest, Major William Futcup. We ask the Major for his views of the assault on Stroggos.

Fragfest: Major Futcup, what was...
Futcup: Call me Willie, please. I've ben off duty for five minutes.
Fragfest: Ok, Willie. What was going through your mind as the men departed the ship for the planet's surface?
Futcup: Actually, I was thinking about what a great video game this would make.
Fragfest: Huh?
Futcup: Sure, they did it with Vietnam, why not Stroggos?
Fragfest: Were you worried?
Futcup: Of course not, I stayed behind in the command ship.
Fragfest: You weren't worried about the men?
Futcup: Well, I was a little worried before they left for Stroggos, but hey- they can't shoot me from Stroggos.
Fragfest: Did you have any idea that the landing would go so badly?
Futcup: What do you mean? We won!
Fragfest: But your casualty figures, man! You only had one survivor.
Futcup: Hah! These are space Marines, sir. They can take a little dying. There wasn't one of my men that wouldn't gladly give up their lives for their planet!
Fragfest: I heard audio recordings of the landing itself, desperate cries of "shit!" and "sonofabitch", screams of fear and agony!
Futcup: What do you expect? These are 18 and 19 year old draftees!
Fragfest: But you said...
Futcup: I said there wasn't one of my men that I wouldn't gladly give up for my planet. And contrary to popular belief, there were more survivors than that.
Fragfest: You sound like a politician.
Futcup: As a matter of fact I'm running for Senator when I retire.
Fragfest: Who was the ranking officer?
Futcup: I was, here. General Dizats stayed on the supply convoy at the edge of the system.
Fragfest: Who?
Futcup: General Dizats, sir. Four star. One of the joint chiefs.
Fragfest: You mean he worked directly under the President?
Futcup: No, that was one of his interns. General Dizats worked for the NSA, ran some sort of operation called "AirStroggos". I still haven't figured out why they call him a "Joint Chief".
Fragfest: I understand the one surviving Marine will get the Congressional Medal of Honor.
Futcup: If I have anything to say about it, and believe me, I do, He's getting a court martial.
Fragfest: Court martial?
Futcup: Attempted murder of a superior officer. Excuse me, I need to use the latrine.

As he hurredly left (he must have had a VERY weak bowel), a no-stripe marine ran in carrying a BFG.
Marine: Where is that [expletitive] little lilly livered sonofabitch woossie? I'm gonna tear that bastard's head off and shove it farther up his ass than it already is!
Fragfest: Who?
Marine: That [expletitive] Futcup. "No survivors", my ass, I'll show him "no survivors".
Fragfest: He said he was going to use the restroom.
Marine: Thanks. He shows up, tell him I'm gonna feed him to a shambler.

We've been waiting for the Major to return from tha latrine for quite a while, so we'll go ahead and post this. We'll finish the interview later, when he gets back.

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