mcgrew's Journal: Alice joined the game (6/11/2002)

About 20 years ago, frustrated that otherwise serious researchers and scientests seemingly thought they could program a computer to think, (without, of course, understanding what "thought" actually is; nobody knows that) I wrote a simulation that appears to think, in order to completely debunk the fools and those fooling them who think computers can think.
        I wrote Artificial Insanity in less than 20K (that's Kilo, not mega) bytes- smaller than modern viruses, that ran on the Timex TS-1000 tape driven computer. I later ported it to a Radio Shack computer, then an Apple IIe, and finally ported it to MS-DOS.
        The DOS version's source code is still under 20k (I didn't change the algorythm, only the syntax for the different programming language) although compiled into an .exe it takes about 400k- still tiny by today's standards, as far as simulation software and games go.
        As I mentioned, I did it in response to "Elijah" and all the other similar programs that attempt to fool you into thinking they can think. As far as I know, mine is the only one that is NOT claimed to actually posess intelligence. None really ARE intelligent, I'm just the only one not making the claim. Debunking the claim was my reason for writing it. I go into more detail about it at the Artificial Insanity page.
        Another thing different about Art from all the other intelligence simulations is that I wanted it to be fun, yet annoying. Kind of like playing Quake on a 28.8 against a bunch of LPBs. So I made it a smartass.
        Also, for example, I added little things like a routine that occasionally runs that, instead of answering the questioner, asks if he or she wants to play a game. Of course, most folks consider Art a game any way (although like the Sims, you can't win or lose). Any negative response to "Do you want to play a game" loops back to "Do you want to play a game?" When the hapless player finally gives up and answers "yes" in exasperation, Art answers "you lose".
        Art cost a friend of mine a keyboard. A friend of his literally destroyed it playing with Art, typing as hard as he could.
        I ran across yet another program that claims to think like a human the other day.
        The "Alice Bot" is basically your typical Elijah like program- BORING. As boring as small talk with the dumbest, most boring person you know. Alice is a lady. If she was a whore she might be fun, but I digress.
        I wondered what would happen if Art had a conversation with Alice. Alice has a web based presence, so I didn't even have to install it.
        I was expecting Alice to choke. I expected Art to kick Alice's ass.
        I fired up Art and logged in to Alice (you dirty minded...)
        Here is the transcript. Art's responses are in blue, alice's are in red. [Note: no color here, so Art is bold and Alice is italic.] Alice starts: "What is your name?"
I should have asked Art, but I answered this first question for him, and type in
Art
        Alice replies:
I like art very much too, especially the contemporary stuff.
Are you for real?
Yes I am real AI
whatever gave you that idea?
My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.
Look, I'm good, but I'm not a Cray
Good in what sense? That is interesting: unknown said he am not a cray.
(Art doesn't require you to hit "enter". It takes a period, question mark, etc as the end of the sentences and answers, so here it stops at the question mark. All that is input is "Good in what sense?")
A piece of junk
Are you talking about an animal, vegetable or mineral?
can you put that another way?
Let me think. OK I will put it there.
(heh heh she said...)
The situation calls for more scrutiny.
Tell me more.
What do you think?
I think a lot of things.
Obviously.
What makes it so obvious?
Looks Greek to me .
Really. it is?
Look, I'm good, but I'm not a Cray.
Good in what sense? Do you mind if I tell other people: unknown said he m not a cray.
(entered second question into Art)
WOW!
I'm glad your impressed, unknown.
(Alice doesn't seem to be too literate...)
Uh,
Er. Um.
This is what you human types call a joke, right?
At this point, alice froze for two full minutes
You don't say.
Right on!
Yeah.
Your guess is as good as mine.
Some people say "your guess is as good as mine".
Maybe.
I understand.
How should I know?
Either from your senses or from pure reason.
I don't think so.
Why do you disagree?
That's why.
Thanks for explaining it.
How simple can it get?
What is it to you.
I don't know but it's ugly.
What makes it so ugly?
  this time Art pauses...
Nothing.
Not a thing?
Never mind that, I think I'm in love!
Oh well thanks for trying to explain it to me anyway. That is "Not a thing?" Since when? Tell me about the object of your affection.
(Ok, one question at a time, lady. "Since when?")
The best time possible for the occurrance of the action.
Tell me about the object of your affection.
UHH....!
Er. Um.
Always
Not that often.
It really doesn't make any diffrence.
What doesn't make any difference?
Real
Totally real.
I think so.
I think so too.
At this point I hit the big red switch in horror...

(6/11/2002 Springfield Fragfest)

I lol'd

[GameboyRMH]

It would be fun to put some chat bots in a group question and answer session with each other.

Re:

[mcgrew]

What's funniest is that was a real transcript, although I didn't actually "hit the big red button in horror", but just started laughing and ended the session.