twisty's Journal: Frying Up Windows XP

A few months ago, I filled out a survey for Microsoft on the condition that they'd repay me with a product of my choice. Sounds like a cushy deal... have them produce and deliver a potentially expensive item to me, at the minor cost of my time as an IT Professional. I completed the survey and requested Microsoft Windows XP Professional. Within four weeks, give or take, it arrived at my door.

I waited a few weeks before even deciding what to do with it. If I were to install it, I'd have about a month from then to activate it. But my other systems at home are running Linux... do I really want Microsoft's recent license terms applying to my equipment? Perhaps I should enjoy burning it instead, knowing that I've cost them the manufacturing cost* of Windows XP Pro. So the question becomes: Do I LEARN it, or BURN it?

Thinking a little outside the box, I decided to do both. I'm not a Luddite, so I should not waste an opportunity to expand my professional learning. On the other hand, which would you tell your grandkids you did; Learn or Burn? I can hardly imagine their excitement as I tell the young (hypothetical proverbial) tykes, "Yes, I remember the day I installed Windows XP, Whewwee!" Somehow, that lacks the sparkle you see in a kid's eye when they picture something burning.

So with a plan in mind, I partitioned a place for Windows XP Professional... and learned more than I expected. Twice the install asked me about networking. I don't want my Microsoft OS accessing the Internet without my authorization, so I told it not to get it IP automatically from DHCP, but instead to use a static IP with no available gateway. So twice I entered those settings, once in the main course of the install, and again under custom settings. So after two reboots, and an hour of wasted time, that sonofabitch Microsoft Windows XP Professional was grabbing pages from the web it was instructed not to access. It had grabbed a DHCP IP address and gateway against my repeated and explicit orders. There's your damned Trustworthy Computing in action.

Needless to say I didn't wait a month, or a week, before uninstalling it. I wasn't about to register and activate this product with a mind of its own. I reformatted the partition as FAT32 so I could use it as storage in other OSes.

So finally the eleventh annual Year Games came upon us and I brought along the full box and CD for Windows. On Saturday Night, I stood first in line to compete in an event called "The Great Lies of Battle," which requires the entrant to deliver an entertaining tale around the fire. I told of how I was terminated from the Salvation Army after testifying in the Microsoft Antitrust trial, and the improbable story of how my battle with two hackers on my server pointed me to the answers that connected it all. (Both hackers were, for one company or another, former coworkers who got curious about me.)

For the final polish on my camp fire tale, I cerimonially burned Windows XP Professional in the camp fire. To be honest, I was halfway expecting it not to burn, like the legends of the Ouiji boards. ;-) However, it proved to be very flamable, to the delight and warmth of my listening audience.

I wish I had pictures.

* There's a huge markup, of course, in the retail price of Windows over its manufacturing cost. Microsoft often uses this to fabricate huge "contributions" (entrenchments, more like it) to charity, claiming millions of dollars in donations where the actual cost to them was a tiny fraction thereof.