Elbereth's Journal: Why I Hate Uplifting Movies

Let's say that you're at Blockbuster, and your girlfriend picks up a movie about some poor immigrant family that comes to New York. They have a rough time of making it, fight lots of bigotry, and need to solve their own interpersonal problems. Blah blah blah. So, what am I supposed to take away from this? That if you work hard, you can accomplish anything?

Fuck that. I don't watch uplifting movies. You know why? My own life has been hard enough that I don't need to see other people struggling through theirs. My life should be an uplifting movie! In fact, maybe I'll make a movie about my life. I guess I'd have to skip a few years, where nothing ever happens, but -- hey -- everyone has boring spots like that, right? No girls, no booze, and no job makes for a rather boring chapter. On the other hand, my FPS skills have improved.

Let's take last weekend as an example. I met this chick from the internet who seemed to be a little clingy, but she thought I'm hot. Never turn down the attentions of a willing female -- that's what I thought. Well, I was wrong. Very, very wrong.

Clingy is probably the best thing I can say about her. Turns out that she's inbred; her grandfather raped her mother. Her step-father raped her, resulting in her first child. Nice childhood, eh? After that, she dated someone who broke her jaw, which remains broken to this day.

That's all pretty fucked up. In my mind, it gives you some room to behave in an erratic or self-destructive manner. I'll even forgive a little bit of anti-social behavior, as long as you're actively trying to get psychological help (for instance, seeing a psychologist or a counselor). I'm hardly the type to discriminate against mood disorders, seeing as I myself am bipolar, but she displayed a wide variety (a veritable shopping list) of symptoms for bipolar disorder, depression, various anxiety disorders, a very stunted social development (rude only goes so far to describe someone like this), codependency, suicide, etc.

Not good.

Then she told about this one time that she was with a friend of hers who happened to bash in the head of his ex-girlfriend. She had cheated on him, you see. My friend then told me that the physical act of murder had turned her on.

Oh my.

I was pretty much ready for anything after that revelation, but then she told me how she had practiced vampirism (drinking human blood) and wanted to practice cannibalism.

Okay.

"So, what happened next?" you're wondering. It pretty much went downhill, except for the sex. The sex was nice. But after that, I started finding her behavior too disturbing. She found my behavior to be entirely too judgemental and uneven. I was willing to accept the psychological problems, but the impulses and fetishes were too much for me to handle. The evening began to degenerate. She announced that she was going home early, even going so far as to insult me (while using my own phone) when calling her friend for a ride home. That was just too much. I lost it at that point. I told her to get the fuck out of my apartment. When a 250 pound girl shows up for a blind date, tells you she gets turned on murder and cannibalism, and then insults your hospitality... well... one can consider this a bad date. And I was insane enough to have sex with her. WHY?? Oh yeah. That's right. I'm bipolar (dictionary defintion: one who has sex with scary people and gets easily addicted to narcotics... oh yeah... and lots of mood swings).

Well, I guess I kicked her out a little too harshly, cuz she called the cops on me. They told me not to contact her, unless she contacts me first. I readily agreed to that.

So, what happens next? You know that can't be the end of the tale. I mean, a true psychotic date would never let it end there. Well, let's just say that it's continuing to drag on, with her making all sorts of violent threats. The sad thing (for her, at least) is that she's too stupid to realize that she's incriminating herself left and right. Leaving hardcopy evidence of violent threats is pretty stupid. For example, I archive all my Yahoo! Instant Messenger conversations, which are stored on their remote database. This is not something that I can modify.

I've complained to Yahoo, asking that they revoke her Y! IM privileges. I'm not stupid. I know that's pretty useless. But it's still something that leaves me feeling a little bit better about the situation. At this time, I'm not interested in involving the local cops. Maybe if she keeps this nonsense up. Who knows. I just want to forget I ever fucked her.

Now, where can I find a movie with this plot?