ptomblin's Journal: Grounded again, sigh

It's the beginning of September, and once again I find myself grounded. I'm a pilot, or at least I was until the end of August. Hopefully I will be one again soon. It all started back in 2001.

I was driving somewhere and letting my mind wander, and I guess I let it wander back to things I hadn't let it wander back to in 25 years. I suddenly found myself pulling onto the shoulder because I was crying about something that had happened to me when I was 15. I went to see a therapist. I worked hard with her to explore how repressing these memories had affected my whole life and personality. Ok, I said "repressing" and I'm sure people are rolling their eyes and thinking "false memory syndrome", but it wasn't technically repression - I always knew those things had happened, I'd just never let myself feel the emotions that came from them.

Anyway, I was in therapy, and while I was feeling too depressed to fly, I never gave up my FAA medical. Until September 11th. On that day, two of my co-workers died, including one whom I'd been working with on a project. It was depressing for everybody, but when you're struggling to make progress in therapy, it felt more like the last straw.

I asked my doctor for anti-depressants and was given Welbutrin. It gave me the mental strength to continue to make progress, but it also instantly invalidated my FAA medical. I had researched the issue before asking, and knew that it would take some work to get my FAA medical back, so it wasn't a decision I took lightly.

Oh, I should also mention that during this period I was diagnosed as borderline diabetic. I tried taking Glucophage to control the blood sugar, but was only having middling success with that.

After 2 or 3 months of the Welbutrin, I decided that I'd gotten over the hurdle, and went off it. I still continued to make good progress on the therapy.

Around about this time, I also started on a low carb diet - not strictly Atkins, but close. It was having amazing results on my blood sugar - I no longer got the shakes every day at lunch time, and I no longer saw my blood glucose readings swinging wildly between 45 and 300 - it was more like 75 before lunch and 95 after.

That spring, I went to the "Sun n Fun" fly-in in Lakeland Florida. It was there that I firmly committed myself to getting my medical back. I talked to a medical examiner there, and he said that after I've been off the Welbutrin for 6 months, I should go to my local Aviation Medical Examiner, take a physical, and send in the results.

So I did, 6 months to the day. I also started training for my instrument rating, since you don't need a medical to take dual instruction, just to solo. It took nearly two months for the FAA to respond that they needed more information, both from my doctor and my therapist. They seemed concerned about both the diabetes and the depression. I got the information and send it in, and *another* two months went by before they sent back a letter requesting more information and a couple of blood tests. I did that, and finally about 8 months after starting the process, I got a medical. A special issuance medical, good for only 6 months instead of the usual 2 years. And with a whole list of further hoops I'd have to jump through before it expired at the end of August to get a normal two year medical.

Ok, I admit it, I screwed up. I waited too long to start the hoop jumping, and so the damn thing expired, and I'm still waiting for the FAA to decide whether my hemoglobin a1c shows that I have the diabetes under control and my doctor and (now former) therapist think I'm not a danger to society.

Part of the reason I waited too long was that I went to Oskhosh, the biggest fly-in in the world. While I was there, they announced that 10% of all the aircraft in the United States were parked at the airfield that day. It was like a visit to Mecca. I borrowed a really good digital camera and took some pictures. But mostly I walked around with a huge grin on my face, because I was *home*.

It's the waiting that's the hardest part. I know how slow the FAA can be. And I won't be able to fly until they get their collective asses in gear and read the letter from my doctor and the lab results, hem and haw over it for several weeks or months, and then finally write a response. I just hope like hell they don't want any more hoop jumping like they did last time.