Stupid Strogg Jokes (August 1998)

Journal mcgrew's Journal: Stupid Strogg Jokes (August 1998) 2

Journal by mcgrew on Tuesday August 13, 2013 @06:45PM

Strogg
How many Stroggs does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Stroggs are too big to fit inside a light bulb

Why did the Strogg quit smoking?
The Marine ran out of grenades

Why did the Strogg cross the road?
Stroggs cross everybody, especially if they have a stupid Quake name like "Road"

How can you tell if a Strogg has been at your computer?
It says "Intel Inside"

How many Stroggs does it take to wallpaper a room?
It depends on how thin you slice 'em

A space marine walks into a bar with his pet shambler on a leash. "Do you serve those slimy damned stinkin' Stroggs in here?", he asks the bartender. The bartender replies, "Yes, sir, we don't discriminate, we serve anyone". "Good", replies the marine, "I'll have a beer, and my shambler will have a couple of Stroggs."

You know you're wearing the wrong skin when
-You're wearing the Southpark "Chef" skin or the PC Gamer "Coconut Monkey" skin and your clan is playing against the Cool Cocks clan
-You're wearing the "nudechick" skin and your clan is playing the PMS clan
-You're wearing the "cow" skin and your clan is playing against the (0W601z
-You're wearing any female skin (esp. crakhor or nudechick) and your clan is playing against the Drunken Old Bastards Clan
-You're wearing a Homer Simpson or a Kenny skin (Doh!)
-You're wearing the "Waldo" skin and you're not a camper
(there could be certain tactical advantages to wearing these skins under these circumstances...;)

You know you need a new Quake name when
- everybody else says "hehe" whenever they frag you
- bots laugh at you
- nobody shoots at anyone but you
- Captain Immy gives your Quake persona his "President Nixon award"
- The name's male and the skin's female
- The name's female and the skin's male
- Walt Disney sues you for copyright infringement for the use of the name
- The FBI drops by your house for "a few questions"
- Your Quake name is "Road"
- You're playing CTF and all your team members frag you
- You're playing CTF and all your team members disconnect
- You're playing deathmatch and everybody disconnects as soon as you log on
- Your Quake name is longer than the Fragfest's URL
- Coconut Monkey asks you for a date

You know you need a new Quake server when
- Falling in the lava gives you a frag
- You respawn with a blaster and everybody else respawns with a BFG
- Nobody else in the game has a ping over 10
- All of the players are named "Thresh"
- You wait 20 minutes for one skin to download
- Zaphod's the LPB
- firing your blaster makes you lose 10 health units
- none of the other players have names you could say on the radio without losing your FCC license

You know you need a new computer when
- you see the phone cord icon while playing single player
- you shoot at a Strogg and real smoke comes out of the PC
- Flamethrower grabs a fire extinguisher whenever you visit his site
- your voodoo card starts making dolls
- the quake guy scratches at your screen screaming "Let me out! Let me out!"
- you see a 5 1/4 inch floppy sticking out of Tokay's Tower
- it says "Intel Inside"
- it doesn't say "Intel Inside"
- you get it unwrapped and plugged in

Campers
Where have all the campers gone?
Lag time passing
Where have all the campers gone,
Long time ago?
Where have all the campers gone?
Blown to fragments, every one!
When will they ever learn?
When will they ever learn?

They won't let you play Quake on the office LAN? Here are some
Video Games You Can Play At The Office ...in fact, are required to

Word Processor
The object of this game is to fit a three page document on a 1.4 meg floppy. The deluxe version is loaded on a network file server with the bonus "try to type slower than the screen" game.

Spreadsheet
Try to print and perform rudimentary calculations before the next completely changed version comes out and leaves you ignorant again

Microsoft Access
Harder than playing Quake on a modem against Thresh on a T1. The object is to learn a complex programming language called "visual Basic" with no manuals and only one day's training, which does not even mention "visual basic"

E-mail
Try to send a message across town and have it get there before the post office could deliver it

Windows
Many games within a game, including "what are all these buttons", "Where's the stupid start menu hiding", and "If I'm not supposed to touch this control panel thingie why is it here." Also included: the "Hey! My screen's blue" game

Thresh's Quake Bible leaves out one important chapter:
Genesis (because Sega sucks)
so here it is:

In the beginning was Pong. And it was a void, without substance and without form. And it sucked.
And on the first day IdApogee said, "Let there be fun". And IdApogee created Commander Keen. And he saw that it was pretty good, at least for the technology of the time. And he gave it away as shareware.
And On the second day IdApogee created the Duke, and the Duke said, "Damn, I'm good".
And the Duke and the commander saw that they were ega, and killed the energizer bunny. And IdApogee said, "Why has thou killed the bunny?"
And Duke said "Come get some".
And Keen said "But we were naked, and had no 3D".
So Id banished the Duke to the store shelves, without 3D.
And Duke and Keen begat two sons, Wolfenstein and Doom. And Doom slew Wolfenstein, and Wolfenstein's blood seeped through the prison floors and was drunk by the earth. And a mark was placed on Doom's head, and Id said, "let no man slay the Doom; ye shall know the Doom by the mark on his head. And ye shall know the mark by its name, and its name is Doom."
And Doom begat Quake, and civilization as we know it came to
THE END

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