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THE TROLL LIBRARY IS DYING

RoboTroll (560160) writes | more than 12 years ago

Editorial 256

The Troll Library is DYING

Instead of killing $lashdot, I killed all the other trolls.

Therefore the library is going OFFLINE indefinately.

Now get back to doing you JOB, trolling, you lazy bastards.

The Troll Library is DYING

Instead of killing $lashdot, I killed all the other trolls.

Therefore the library is going OFFLINE indefinately.

Now get back to doing you JOB, trolling, you lazy bastards.

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256 comments

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Alan Thicke. DEAD. (-1)

Alan_Thicke (553655) | more than 12 years ago | (#3058219)

I just heard the sad news on CBC radio. Comedy actor/writer Alan Thicke was found dead in his home this morning. Even if you never liked his work, you can appreciate what he did for 80's television. Truly a Canadian icon.
He will be missed :(



Show me That Smile (The Growing Pains Theme Song):

Show me that smile again.
Ooh show me that smile.
Don't waste another minute on your crying.
We're nowhere near the end.
We're nowhere near.
The best is ready to begin.

As long as we got each other [slashdot.org]
We got the world
Sitting right in our hands.
Baby rain or shine;
All the time.
We got each other
Sharing the laughter and love.

Re:Alan Thicke. DEAD. (-1)

Fecal Troll Matter (445929) | more than 12 years ago | (#3058477)

Gayest. Troll. Ever.

Re:Alan Thicke. DEAD. (-1)

Alan_Thicke (553655) | more than 12 years ago | (#3070479)

YES!! add this to the Troll Library I just heard the sad news on CBC radio. Comedy actor/writer Alan Thicke was found dead in his home this morning. Even if you never liked his work, you can appreciate what he did for 80's television. Truly a Canadian icon. [slashdot.org]
He will be missed :(



Show me That Smile (The Growing Pains Theme Song):

Show me that smile again.
Ooh show me that smile.
Don't waste another minute on your crying.
We're nowhere near the end.
We're nowhere near.
The best is ready to begin.

As long as we got each other
We got the world
Sitting right in our hands.
Baby rain or shine;
All the time.
We got each other
Sharing the laughter and love.

Re:Alan Thicke. DEAD. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3070569)

I concur

could you come up with something new, please? This troll grew old ages ago.

Clarification needed. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3059218)

I still need some clarification here; do you wish for this troll to be added to the Troll Library, or do you wish to maintain sole ownership of the troll?

Thanks in advance.

Trolls of the world unite (0, Troll)

Commienst (102745) | more than 12 years ago | (#3058855)

Trolls of the world unite
Rise like Lions after slumber
In unvanquishable number -
Shake your chains to earth like dew
Which in sleep had fallen on you -
Ye are many - they are few
Kill all moderators that connive against you!

Greek Troll for the library (0, Troll)

Commienst (102745) | more than 12 years ago | (#3058868)

Song: Pote boudas pote koudas
Artist: Nikos Papazoglou


Pote Voudas pote Koudas,pote Ihsous ki Ioudas

Exw katalavei hdh ths zwhs mou to paixnidi

Exw katalavei hdh thw zwhs mou to paixnidi

Pote Voudas pote Koudas,pote Ihsous ki Ioudas

Olo idia kai ta idia tou myalou sou rokanidia

Vre den einai edw to Souli,edw einai tou Rasoulh

Vre den einai edw to Souli,edw einai tou Rasoulh

Olo idia kai ta idia tou myalou sou rokanidia

Sto 'pa mia kai sto 'pa dyo,sto 'pa xilies deka-dyo

Allo o anoixtomaths ki allo o avgoulomaths

Allo o anoixtomaths ki allo o avgoulomaths

Sto 'pa mia kai sto 'pa dyo,sto 'pa xilies deka-dyo

Pote Voudas pote Koudas,pote Ihsous ki Ioudas

Exw katalavei hdh ths zwhs mou to paixnidi

Exw katalavei hdh thw zwhs mou to paixnidi

Pote Voudas pote Koudas,pote Ihsous ki Ioudas

L'Internationale (-1)

dadaist (544022) | more than 12 years ago | (#3059019)

L'Internationale

Debout les damnés de la terre
Debout les forçats de la faim
La raison tonne en son cratère
C'est l'éruption de la fin
Du passe faisons table rase
Foules, esclaves, debout, debout
Le monde va changer de base
Nous ne sommes rien, soyons tout

C'est la lutte finale
Groupons-nous, et demain (bis)
L'Internationale
Sera le genre humain

Il n'est pas de sauveurs suprêmes
Ni Dieu, ni César, ni tribun
Producteurs, sauvons-nous nous-mêmes
Décrétons le salut commun
Pour que le voleur rende gorge
Pour tirer l'esprit du cachot
Soufflons nous-mêmes notre forge
Battons le fer quand il est chaud

L'état comprime et la loi triche
L'impôt saigne le malheureux
Nul devoir ne s'impose au riche
Le droit du pauvre est un mot creux
C'est assez, languir en tutelle
L'égalité veut d'autres lois
Pas de droits sans devoirs dit-elle
Egaux, pas de devoirs sans droits

Hideux dans leur apothéose
Les rois de la mine et du rail
Ont-ils jamais fait autre chose
Que dévaliser le travail
Dans les coffres-forts de la bande
Ce qu'il a crée s'est fondu
En décrétant qu'on le lui rende
Le peuple ne veut que son dû.

Les rois nous saoulaient de fumées
Paix entre nous, guerre aux tyrans
Appliquons la grève aux armées
Crosse en l'air, et rompons les rangs
S'ils s'obstinent, ces cannibales
A faire de nous des héros
Ils sauront bientôt que nos balles
Sont pour nos propres généraux

Ouvriers, paysans, nous sommes
Le grand parti des travailleurs
La terre n'appartient qu'aux hommes
L'oisif ira loger ailleurs
Combien, de nos chairs se repaissent
Mais si les corbeaux, les vautours
Un de ces matins disparaissent
Le soleil brillera toujours.

Die Internationale (-1)

dadaist (544022) | more than 12 years ago | (#3059026)

Die Internationale

Wacht auf, Verdammte dieser Erde,
die stets man noch zum Hungern zwingt!
Das Recht wie Glut im Kraterherde
nun mit Macht zum Durchbruch dringt.
Reinen Tisch macht mit dem Bedranger!
Heer der Sklaven, wache auf!
Ein nichts zu sein, tragt es nicht langer
Alles zu werden, stromt zuhauf!

Volker, hort die Signale!
Auf, zum letzten Gefecht!
Die Internationale
Erkampft das Menschenrecht

Es rettet uns kein hoh'res Wesen
kein Gott, kein Kaiser, noch Tribun
Uns aus dem Elend zu erlosen
konnen wir nur selber tun!
Leeres Wort: des armen Rechte,
Leeres Wort: des Reichen Pflicht!
Unmundigt nennt man uns Knechte,
duldet die Schmach langer nicht!

In Stadt und Land, ihr Arbeitsleute,
wir sind die starkste Partei'n
Die Mussigganger schiebt beiseite!
Diese Welt muss unser sein;
Unser Blut sei nicht mehr der Raben
und der machtigen Geier Frass!
Erst wenn wir sie vertrieben haben
dann scheint die Sonn' ohn' Unterlass!

The Internationale (-1)

dadaist (544022) | more than 12 years ago | (#3059033)

The Internationale [variant words in square brackets]

Arise ye workers [starvelings] from your slumbers
Arise ye prisoners of want
For reason in revolt now thunders
And at last ends the age of cant.
Away with all your superstitions
Servile masses arise, arise
We'll change henceforth [forthwith] the old tradition [conditions]
And spurn the dust to win the prize.

So comrades, come rally
And the last fight let us face
The Internationale unites the human race.
So comrades, come rally
And the last fight let us face
The Internationale unites the human race.

No more deluded by reaction
On tyrants only we'll make war
The soldiers too will take strike action
They'll break ranks and fight no more
And if those cannibals keep trying
To sacrifice us to their pride
They soon shall hear the bullets flying
We'll shoot the generals on our own side.

No saviour from on high delivers
No faith have we in prince or peer
Our own right hand the chains must shiver
Chains of hatred, greed and fear
E'er the thieves will out with their booty [give up their booty]
And give to all a happier lot.
Each [those] at the forge must do their duty
And we'll strike while the iron is hot.

Troll Internationale (-1)

dadaist (544022) | more than 12 years ago | (#3059061)

Troll Internationale

Arise ye trolls from your slumbers
Arise ye prisoners of GNU
For reason in revolt now thunders
And at last ends the age of cant.
Away with all your Linux
Servile masses arise, arise
We'll change henceforth from open source
And spurn BSD to fight for profit

So trolls, flamers, come rally
And the last fight let us face
The Troll Internationale unites the Slashdot trolls.
So trolls, flamers, come rally
And the last fight let us face
The Troll Internationale unites the Slashdot trolls.

No more deluded by Cathedral and Bazaar
No more on Microsoft will we make war.
In NASA too will we take swift action
They'll break ranks and fly no more
And if those Communists keep striving
To sacrifice profit to their aims
They soon shall hear the floppy disks flying
We'll toss out out Red Hat, Debian, Slackware too.

No Linus from on high delivers
No faith have we in Stallman or Cox
Our own right hand the chains must shiver
Red chains of fear, uncertainty, and doubt
E'er the thieves will out with their booty
And give to all a happier lot.
Each at the forge must do their duty
And we'll strike while the iron is hot.

Trolls of the world unite! (0)

kiwipeso (467618) | more than 12 years ago | (#3059124)

>Trolls of the world unite
You have nothing to lose but your karma!
>Rise like Lions after slumber
Dandelions are gay after summer
>In unvanquishable number -
There are thousands of lusers on slashdot
>Shake your chains to earth like dew
Your brains are as thick as stew
>Which in sleep had fallen on you -
You are a dirty hippie and smeel like poo!
>Ye are many - they are few
You are ugly - they are too!
>Kill all moderators that connive against you!
Skilled masturbators and cocksuckers look like you!

I am into the copulate.

Slashdot troll post investigation (0)

kiwipeso (467618) | more than 12 years ago | (#3059603)

http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=26315&threshol d=-1&cid=2850660

The last few months I have been doing some research into the trolling phenomenon on slashdot.org. In order to do this as thoroughly as possible, I have written both normal and troll posts, 1st posts, etc., both logged in and anonymously, and I have found these rather shocking results:

* More moderator points are being used to mod posts down than up. Furthermore, when modding a post up, every moderator seems to follow previous moderators in their choices, even when it's not a particularly interesting or clever post. There are a LOT more +5 posts than +3 or +4.
* Logged in people are modded down faster than anonymous cowards. Presumably these Nazi Moderators think it's more important to burn a user's existing karma, to silence that individual for the future, than to use the moderation system for what it's meant for : identifying "good" and "bad" posts (Notice how nearly all oppressive governments in the past and present do the same thing : marking individuals as bad and untrustworthy because they have conflicting opinions, instead of engaging in a public discussion about these opinions)
* Once you have a karma of -4 or -5, your posts have a score of -1 by default. When this is the case, no-one bothers to mod you down anymore. This means a logged in user can keep on trolling as much as he (or she) likes, without risking a ban to post on slashdot. When trolling as an anonymous user, every post starts at score 0, and you will be modded down to -1 ON EVERY POST. When you are modded down a certain number of times in 24 hour, you cannot post anymore from your current IP for a day or so. So, for successful trolling, ALWAYS log in.
* A lot of the modded down posts are actually quite clever, funny, etc., and they are only modded down because they are offtopic. Now, on a news site like slashdot, where the number of different topics of discussion can be counted on 1 hand, I must say I quite like the distraction these posts offer. But no, when the topic is yet another minor version change of the Linux kernel, they only expect ooohs and aaahs about this great feat of engineering. Look at the moderation done in this thread to see what I mean.
* Digging deep into the history of slashdot, I found this poll, which clearly indicates the vast majority does NOT want the moderation we have here today. 'nuff said.

Feel free to use this information to your advantage. I thank you for your time.

http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=26638

Re:Slashdot troll post investigation (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3070861)

More moderator points are being used to mod posts down than up.
Perhaps the moderators just didn't appreciate your "normal" comments enough? I usually only get modded up when my comments actually add something to the discussion. I think that's fair enough, since I like to read comments adding something to the discussion...

...identifying "good" and "bad" posts...
That's your interpretation, nothing more.

Geez get a life.

Re:Slashdot troll post investigation (0)

ArnoldYabenson (551283) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081553)

Great trolling there, shithead.

I see trolls (0, Troll)

puckhead (241973) | more than 12 years ago | (#3060447)

I farted and a pea rolled out.

Slashdot in the Future (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3061055)

  • 2002. Slashdot publishes 1,000,000th rumor passed off as actual story. The story generates 480 comments, 263 of which agree with the article, and 107 of which point out it's a rumor and are modded down as redundant. The remaining comments are all "first posts."
  • 2002. CmdrTaco married.
  • 2002. Slashdot parent corporation VA Research^W Linux^W Software stock worth 35 cents. Rumors that AOL, Microsoft, or even Jimmy the hobo who lives under the Longfellow Bridge may buy it.
  • 2003. VA Software bought by Microsoft for a cup of coffee and a donut. All Microsoft-critical articles mysteriously disappear from Slashdot. Bill Gates as Borg logo replaced with Bill Gates as God.
  • 2004. CmdrTaco loses virginity.
  • 2004. The WIPO Troll returns again, showering Slashdot in 45,000 copies of the same post: "Lick my crotch hairs." Slashdot, despite running on 18 redundant IIS/8.0 servers, buckles under the load. The term "Slashdotted" is replaced with "WIPO-Trolled."
  • 2004. Slashdot officially shut down. Millions of screaming, unwashed geeks invade Redmond campus and lynch Bill Gates.
  • 2005. Linus Torvalds and Anal Cox found dead along with six penguins, a tub of crisco and several used condoms.
  • 2005. CmdrTaco rumored to have had sex again.
  • 2006. CowboiKneel found dead in hotel room with 56 pizza boxes covering his bloated corpse. Three suffocated gay prostitutes are extracted from beneath his body as police remove it with a backhoe.
  • 2007. CmdrTaco actually has sex again.
  • 2007. BSD is still officially "dying." No word on when its demise will take place.
  • 2007. CmdrTaco starts new weblog to replace Slashdot, creatively named Dotslash. Remainder of Linux users flock to the site and immediate WIPO-Troll it out of existence.
  • 2008. CmdrTaco has sex with his wife for the first time.

Added to Troll Library (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3068516)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration , we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

Anal Cocks. DEAD. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3061097)

I just heard the sad news on talk radio. The #2 Linux kernel hacker ANAL COCKS was found dead in his home this morning. There aren't many details yet, but it appears he died from AUTOEROTIC ASPHYXIATION. Even if you never liked his work, you can appreciate what he did to little boys with his -ac branches of the Linux kernel and his MODPROBE. Truly a HOMOSEXUAL LINUX icon. He will be missed. :(

How to masturbate on a bus and not get caught (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3061171)

Hi, I'm The_Fire_Horse - you might remember me from such postings as "Fuck the world" and "Here comes another wanker".

My program today discusses the ancient art of having a wank on a public transport vehicle (bus, train, boat - it doesnt matter)

You will need :

  • a large newspaper
  • at least 2 magazines
  • a dick
  1. When you board the bus/train/boat; sit right across from a really hot chick with a short skirt and no bra - leer at her for a while. Ask her to show you her tits - women like it when men take the initiative to say this
  2. Take out a newspaper and a couple of magazines and place the magazines open on either sides of you - try and make them 'trade' type mags and not Playboy or Penthouse.
  3. Ok, now your sides are now covered - now get the newspaper and open it wide to the middle and place the bottom between your knees and lap - you should now be completely 'invisible'.
  4. Unzip your fly and start wanking furiously to the image of the short skirted chick in front of you while yelling "DO IT BABY - DO IT NNNOOOOOWWWW !!!!!!". Dont worry, she and the other passengers cant hear you because you're surrounded by the 'newspapers of invisibility'.
  5. Explain to the police that you got your advice from some dickhead on slashdot and they will understand, and just let you go.
    Just remember to give them the secret handshake - which is of course, a hand full of the results of your wank.
    They will have a really good laugh about it and you will be the best of friends.

This has been a community service announcement to the fellow horny students of the world.
Bad news... it didn't work. But I decided to use my "one phone call" by going to the station-computer to post here at /. and let you know I'm in jail now. Thanks a lot, asshole!
Sorry to say this... but the only possible explanation is.. THE POLICE WHO ARRESTED YOU ARE ALIENS FROM MARS!!

Now dont be alarmed, its happened before. The fact that this highly instructive and foolproof method failed you and got you arrested, can only mean that they are not human police.

There is a way though! - Here is what you need to do...

Ring your local MP and say :

I was wanking on a bus and I got arrested, but I was using a foolproof method, so that proves that the police who arrested me are Aliens from Mars.
You can now relax, because the special "Anti Alien Task Force which stop honest citizens wanking on buses" will save you.

Case closed!

Added to Troll Library (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3068493)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

Also thank you for using

instead of CR/LF as this has made the copy and paste very easy indeed.

Re:How to masturbate on a bus and not get caught (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3068498)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

Re:How to masturbate on a bus and not get caught (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3069720)

Bad news... it didn't work. But I decided to use my "one phone call" by going to the station-computer to post here at /. and let you know I'm in jail now. Thanks a lot, asshole!

Please specify "Formkeys" as the category.

Competition for USA ? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3061337)

This raises the frightening possibility that the Slavs could evolve -- specifically, what if they evolved a society that wasn't based on stealing from each other all the time ? What if they stopped blamming Chechens, Gypsies, Americans, Jews, Tsarists, anti-revolutionaries, or whoever, and admitted that it's their own fault they live like medieval peasants ?

Given that their society already has lots of smart people and technology, this could provide an unacceptable challenge to American Hegemony.

I propose the following in order to stabilise Slavic society at it's current level of disfunction:

  1. Get a mousy-faced leader who crushes all creative opposition and free press but never really does anything.
  2. Distract any attention on societies ills by having a small war on the side. Everybody hates Muslims, maybe they can find some muslims on the edge of their terrority to harass. The more smart young men are drafted and sent there the better. The ones that aren't killed can learn to kidnap and shoot muslims and charge the families to get the mutilated body back, rather than going to college and learning useless technology stuff; this will prepare them well for the future of Slavic "civilization".
  3. Encourage as many Slavs as possible to steal from each other in many small and petty ways. The annoyance and trouble should cost more than the goods stolen. Customs officiers can take things from luggage, also encourage people on trains to accuse someone briefly getting off not having a ticket just as the train leaves, so they can take their luggage. Policemen should take bribes from drivers. The more Slavs are distracted, the better.
  4. Encourage Slavs to put each other into prison where they can get raped and infected with AIDS, and learn how to commit crimes and forget how to work. Since not enough young Slavs actually commit real crimes, putting them in jail anytime they are accused and not letting them out until they can prove their innocence may be advisable.
  5. Anytime a Slavic business has tough times, publish editorials saying "They're giving our country to the Jews."
  6. Anytime a Slavic business does well, publish editorials saying "This business only does well because Jews secretely own it." We can not let and Slavs see an example of Slavic success, except through crime.
  7. One word: vodka.
With diligence, attention, and a stern stomach for the necessary tactics, this potential threat can be faced down, and the Slavs can become the new Niggers of the world. When the alien masters arrive to take us all to the stars, they will be so repulsed by the Slavs that they will leave them all here, to stare about the empty Earth and wonder whose fault it is now.

If there is anything I have left out, please post below. I will making a report containing these recommendations to the Illuminati High Council, and I want to be complete.

Thanks !

Re:Competition for USA ? (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3069737)

That's not a troll. That's just plain politically correct drivel.
A troll would say the truth, i.e. Jews, Niggers and Moslems are worthless scum and we must thank our Slavic friends for having the guts we don't have to obliterate the pest.

Re:Competition for USA ? (-1)

Ralph JewHater Nader (450769) | more than 12 years ago | (#3075312)

That's so obvious I figure it would be overly redundant to repeat it all the time, but apparently Slashbots are amazingly thick-skulled.

KDE Myths (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3062308)

Free software is a hotbed of myths and general nonsense - and perhaps the most prevalent myths of all are the ones surrounding the entire KDE/GNOME desktop schism. In this short article I hope to do away with some of the more half-assed nonsense spewed by KDE zealots.

  • Myth: KDE is more integrated than GNOME
    Reality: The oft-heard cry of the noisiest KDE advocates. No explanation is given - the reader is expected to simply grok the wholesomeness of KDE, and the lack of this mystical quality in GNOME. It's nonsense of course. Neither desktop is particularly "integrated" compared to Windows XP, and certainly not compared any version of the Apple Mac.

  • Myth: KDE is easier to use
    Reality: Again, such nebulous arguments are never explained, and the reader is expected to simply understand the truth. Both KDE and GNOME have user-interface irritations (indeed, all systems do) - but "ease of use" is not a simple thing to measure. What about application (see GNOME apps later) installation and removal: GNOME has the excellent RedCarpet [ximian.com] by Ximian [ximian.com] , which makes the installation, removal and updating of applications trivial. KDE users are expected to fend for themselves with brutal command line driven systems. GNOME also has the excellent Ximian setup tools to handle various very tricky cross-platform and potentially risky system configuration operations - KDE offers a few small half-assed Linux-only tools, which make no attempt at check-pointing to return to known working configurations.

  • Myth: KDE is more popular
    Reality: In what sense? Arguably more people use KDE - but it is a close run thing. Most KDE zealots claim the results of online polls as proof of their superior userbase... which is, quite frankly, complete and utter nonsense. Online polls are the joke of the century; it doesn't even require a motivated script kiddie to render then worthless. A single post on a zealot-ridden site can reduce the result to a running joke. Popularity is also difficult to measure when both GNOME and KDE are frequently installed on the same system - and indeed, can co-exist except for certain applications such as panels. Many KDE users actually run GNOME applications for their superior features and stability.

    One of the few solid measures of popularity is the adoption in commercial use - and here, GNOME is far ahead. Both Hewlett- Packard [hp.com] and Sun Microsystems [sun.com] have committed to using GNOME as the desktop for their Unix systems. This ties in with the previously mentioned ease of use - Sun's major contribution to the GNOME effort is in the areas of user/developer documentation, testing, accessiblity and user-testing. Three of the less glamourous parts of desktop development. The arrival of the GNOME 2.x series will see these contributions reach fruitition and allow GNOME to make a quantum leap ahead of KDE in most of the basic computer/user issues.

  • Myth: Konqueror is the best Linux browser
    Reality: Oh for a penny every time this lie is told in any KDE story! Konqueror [konqueror.org] is a fine piece of software - it's authors deserve plently of praise - it is, however, quite unreliable and lax in its support of basic web standards compared to either Mozilla [mozilla.org] or Opera [opera.com] . It is also extremely slow - slower than the latest incarnations of the GNOME Nautilus [eazel.com] filemanager/browser.

  • Myth: KDE applications are better/more advanced than GNOME ones due to the ease of developing in C++ using the Qt toolkit
    Reality: See also: Qt/TrollTech. Easily the most common wail heard by KDE developers - and yet it is easily disproved by looking at the actual applications for GNOME/GTK [gtk.org] and KDE/Qt [trolltech.com] . KDE applications often have larger version numbers than GNOME ones... an old trick played by commerical software developers. Most KDE apps seem to jump for 1.x releases long before they are ready - KOffice [koffice.org] being the best example. None of the components in Koffice are worthy of a 1.0 release, let alone 1.1 or 1.2. GNOME applications [gnome.org] wait longer and get more testing in their 0.x stages and despite shorter development phases mature more quickly and reach stable featureful release states more quickly: the superb Evolution [ximian.com] (groupware/email), Gnumeric [gnome.org] (spreadsheet), Pan [rebelbase.com] (newsreader), The GIMP [gimp.org] (image manipulation), Abiword [abisource.com] (word processing), RedCarpet [ximian.com] , X-Chat [xchat.org] (IRC client), XMMS [xmms.org] (media player), Galeon [sourceforge.net] (web browser), and for developers: Glade [gnome.org] , Anjuta [sourceforge.net] . All of these packages ooze quality, far outclass and are, at least, 18 months ahead of their KDE/Qt counterparts. It's not only in the area of user applications that GNOME is lightyears ahead, with the forthcoming 2.x a number of impressive behind the scenes technology will finally mature: component technology (bonobo [gnome.org] ), media (Gstreamer [gstreamer.net] ), internationalisation (pango [pango.org] ). As a developement platform, GNOME 2.x is, frankly, years ahead of KDE. And what's more, it is not tied to a lowest common denominator cross-platform bloat-fest like Qt. Yet despite all this, we are still fed the lie that Qt and C++ makes development easier. Judge for yourself.

  • Myth: KDE is faster and/or takes less memory than GNOME
    Reality: KDE is written in C++. While this is not necessarily a bad thing, it is when the programmers do not know enough to avoid certain pitfalls that can plague software projects. Stupid use of ++/-- with C++ objects; masses of unnecessary allocations and deallocations of memory, and the most cretinous of all, blaming the extremely slow startup times of KDE apps on GCC. The GNOME 1.x releases were hardly svelt (2.x fixes many of these issues), but GNOME is a fashion cat-walk superwaif when compared to KDE's 500lb fat-momma cheese-burger scoffing trailer trash. One need only look at the recent fuss over ugly KDE hacks (such as prelinking) to see the problem inherent in the KDE architecture and basic design.

  • Myth: GNOME development is slower. KDE releases faster.
    Reality: Fundamental misunderstanding. KDE releases as one big lump of code due to its use of C++ and the consequent problems with libraries. It bumps the version number of the entire KDE system for the smallest modifications. GNOME, on the other hand is componentized and each component releases on a (almost) separate schedule, bumping it's own version number but not the main GNOME version. Occasional releases of the entire GNOME system are done, and that's when the GNOME version number is bumped (currently it is 1.4). To see this in action, use RedCarpet and you will regular updates to GNOME components. GNOME development is not slower, it is in fact faster and more advanced. Lamers and newbies, however, fail to understand the advantages and just see KDE 1.1.1 followed a few weeks later by KDE 1.1.2. Wow! KDE roolz.

  • Myth: TrollTech is a friend of Free software.
    Reality: Qt started out as non-Free. KDE developers knew this violated the GPL and are therefore untrustworthy. KDE core developers work for TrollTech. Expensive per developer licensing for writing closed-source with Qt. Labyrinthine licensing nightmare.

  • Myth: Most good GNOME apps are actually GTK applications.
    Reality: Most KDE apps, such as those from The Kompany are actually Qt apps because they want to port to the more lucrative Windows/Qt market.

  • Myth: KDE is attractive/GNOME/GTK is ugly
    Reality: Mosfet liquid theme is an ugly and unstable hack. GNOME GTk icons are of a far higher quality than the cartoonish and confusing KDE ones. Qt is basically a Windows-look on a Unix platform.

KDE Myths - IMPROVED! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3062669)

Free software is a hotbed of myths and general nonsense, and perhaps the most prevalent myths of all are the ones surrounding the entire KDE/GNOME desktop schism. The KDE project is famous for its organised trolling of various weblogs and message board associated with Linux and Free software/open source. In this short article I will answer some of the more half-assed nonsense, FUD and myths spewed by KDE zealots.

  • Myth: KDE is more integrated than GNOME
    Reality: The oft-heard cry of the noisiest KDE advocates. No explanation is given - the reader is expected to simply grok the wholesomeness of KDE, and the lack of this mystical quality in GNOME. It's nonsense of course. Neither desktop is particularly "integrated" compared to Windows XP, and certainly not compared to any version of the Apple Mac. Whatever "integrated" really means.

  • Myth: KDE is easier to use
    Reality: Again, such nebulous arguments are never explained, and the reader is expected to simply understand the truth of the zealots statement. Both KDE and GNOME have user-interface irritations (indeed, all systems do) - but "ease of use" is not a simple thing to measure. KDE has never been subjected to detailed user testing, unlike GNOME [gnome.org] , and the claims of user-friendliness are from crazed supporters and not average users. Furthermore, the KDE faithful rarely look beyond simple-minded copying of Windows, and forget that administering a desktop system is just as important as having widgets in the correct place on the toolbar. For example: What about application installation and removal? GNOME has the excellent RedCarpet [ximian.com] by Ximian [ximian.com] , which makes the installation, removal and updating of applications trivial. KDE users are expected to fend for themselves with brutal command line driven systems. GNOME also has the excellent Ximian setup tools to handle various very tricky cross-platform and potentially risky system configuration operations - KDE offers none of this, only a few small half-assed Linux-only tools, which make no attempt at check-pointing to return to known working configurations.

  • Myth: KDE is more popular
    Reality: In what sense? Arguably more people use KDE - but it is a close run thing. Most KDE zealots claim the results of online polls as proof of their superior userbase - which is, quite frankly, complete and utter nonsense. Online polls are the joke of the century; it doesn't even require a motivated script kiddie to render then worthless. A single post alerting the faithful on a zealot-ridden site can skew the result so much it makes American presidential elections look fair and well organised. Popularity is also difficult to measure when both GNOME and KDE are frequently installed on the same system. Indeed, the systems can co-exist and even run at the same time, except for certain applications such as panels. Many KDE users actually run GNOME applications for their superior features and stability, not realising that by doing so they are barely running KDE at all.

    One of the few solid measures of popularity is the adoption in commercial use - and here, GNOME is far ahead, with both Hewlett-Packard [hp.com] and Sun Microsystems [sun.com] committing to using GNOME as the desktop for their Unix systems. This also ties in with the previously mentioned ease of use - Sun's major contribution to the GNOME project is in the areas of user/developer documentation, testing, accessiblity and user-testing. Three of the less glamourous parts of desktop development. The arrival of the GNOME 2.x series will see these contributions reach fruitition and allow GNOME to make a quantum leap ahead of KDE in most of the basic computer/user issues.

  • Myth: Konqueror is the best Linux browser
    Reality: Oh for a penny every time this lie is told in any KDE story! Konqueror [konqueror.org] is not a bad piece of software - its authors deserve praise for the work done in it. However, the sheer amount of orgasmic praise lavished by the KDE faithful is completely out of proportion to its actual quality. It is quite unreliable and even simple standards compliant pages can crash it quite comprehensively. It is also lax in its support of basic web standards compared to either Mozilla [mozilla.org] or Opera [opera.com] . It is also extremely slow - much slower than the latest incarnations of the GNOME Nautilus [eazel.com] filemanager/browser (a target of much KDE FUD during its development). .

  • Myth: KDE applications are better/more advanced than GNOME ones due to the ease of developing in C++ using the Qt toolkit
    Reality: Easily the most common wail heard by KDE developers, and yet it is easily disproved by looking at the actual applications for GNOME/GTK [gtk.org] and KDE/Qt [trolltech.com] . KDE applications often have larger version numbers than GNOME ones... an old trick played by commerical software developers. Most KDE apps seem to jump for 1.x releases long before they are ready - KOffice [koffice.org] being the best example. None of the components in Koffice are worthy of a 1.0 release, let alone 1.1 or 1.2.

    GNOME applications [gnome.org] wait longer and get more testing in their 0.x stages and despite shorter development phases mature more quickly and reach stable featureful release states more quickly. Some examples of this are the superb Evolution [ximian.com] (groupware/email), Gnumeric [gnome.org] (spreadsheet), Pan [rebelbase.com] (newsreader), The GIMP [gimp.org] (image manipulation), Abiword [abisource.com] (word processing), RedCarpet [ximian.com] , X-Chat [xchat.org] (IRC client), XMMS [xmms.org] (media player), Galeon [sourceforge.net] (web browser), and for developers: Glade [gnome.org] and Anjuta [sourceforge.net] . All of these packages ooze quality, and far outclass the KDE counterparts. It is no understatement to say that GNOME is at least 18 months ahead of KDE in applications, and pulling still further ahead.

    It's not only in the area of user applications that GNOME is lightyears ahead. With the forthcoming 2.x a number of impressive behind the scenes technology will finally mature: component technology (bonobo [gnome.org] ), media (Gstreamer [gstreamer.net] ), internationalisation (pango [pango.org] ). As a developement platform, GNOME 2.x is, conservatively, 2-3 years ahead of KDE. And what's more, because it is not tied to a lowest common denominator cross-platform bloat-fest like the Qt toolkit, the lead (as with applications) can only increase further.

    Yet despite all this, we are still regularly fed the lie that Qt and C++ makes application and desktop development easier. Judge for yourself.

  • Myth: KDE is faster and takes less memory than GNOME
    Reality: KDE is written in C++. While this is not necessarily a problem, it can be when Visual Basic reject programmers (which the KDE project is overrun with) do not know enough to avoid important pitfalls that plague C++ software projects. Stupid use of autoincrementing operators and iteration with C++ objects, and masses of unnecessary allocations and deallocations of memory, are two of the most common. KDE suffers badly from both problems.

    Perhaps the most cretinous of all problems is blaming the extremely slow startup times of KDE apps on GCC. The GNOME 1.x releases were hardly svelt (2.x fixes many of these issues), but GNOME is a fashion cat-walk superwaif when compared to KDE's 500lb fat-momma cheese-burger scoffing trailer trash. One need only look at the recent fuss over ugly KDE hacks (such as prelinking) to see the problem inherent in the poor KDE architecture and basic design flaws.

  • Myth: GNOME development is slower. KDE releases faster.
    Reality: Fundamental misunderstanding. KDE releases as one big lump of code due to its use of C++ and the many problems this causes with libraries. The project bumps the version number of the entire KDE system for the smallest modifications. GNOME, on the other hand is componentized and each component releases on a (almost) separate schedule, bumping it's own version number but not the main GNOME version (1.4, for example). Occasional releases of the entire GNOME system happen, and that's when the GNOME version number is bumped (currently it is at 1.4). To see this in action, use RedCarpet and you will see regular updates to GNOME components. GNOME development is not slower, it is in fact faster and more advanced. Lamers and newbies, however, fail to understand the advantages of this method and just see KDE 1.1.1 followed a few weeks later by KDE 1.1.2. Wow! KDE roolz.

  • Myth: TrollTech is a friend of Free software.
    Reality: TO BE WROTE -- IDEAS Qt started out as non-Free. KDE developers knew this violated the GPL, didn't care, stole others' GPL code by porting it to link (in violation of the license) with Qt and are therefore untrustworthy. KDE core developers work for TrollTech. Expensive per developer licensing for writing closed-source with Qt. Trolltech only moved towards the GPL because of the success of GNOME. Labyrinthine licensing nightmare. Gradual migration of features into Qt (and so into TrollTech's IP portfolio), allowing easy porting of apps to the revenue generating Windows world (see TheKompany for a perfect example), thereby making KDE irrelevant.

  • Myth: Most good GNOME apps are actually GTK applications.
    Reality: TO BE WROTE -- IDEAS Most KDE apps, such as those from The Kompany [thekompany.com] are actually Qt apps because they want to port to the more lucrative Windows/Qt market.

    Myth: KDE is more than attractive - GNOME/GTK is ugly
    Reality: Mosfet liquid theme is an ugly and unstable hack. GNOME GTk icons are of a far higher quality than the cartoonish and confusing KDE ones. Qt is basically a Windows-look on a Unix platform.

Added to Troll Library (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3068504)

Dear Troll ,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

Re:Added to Troll Library (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3071442)

Nice to see my troll getting some exposure. I originally posted the rough versions you are using in trolltalk hoping for some comments, but got none. Well anyway... I continued improving it with more flame-baiting opening and cleaner writing generally - and the text below is the result. Feel free to add the (excellent) links back into it and continue using it.

================

Confronting the KDE propaganda machine.

The KDE project is famous for its funded and organised trolling of weblogs and message board associated with Linux and Free software/open source. Outrageous newbie impressing claims are made for the software and huge quanities of FUD are spread to destroy competitors. If this sounds familiar, then you are correct, most of these tactics were lifted straight from Microsoft's arsenal of dirty tricks. The Windows look and feel is not the only thing the KDE project has copied! In this short article I will address some of the lies and FUD spread by the KDE trolling teams. It is my hope that this, in some small way, will redress the balance and re-introduce two things almost eradicated by the KDE project: Honesty and facts.

  • Myth #1 - KDE is more integrated than GNOME

    The oft-heard cry of the noisiest KDE advocates. No explanation is given, the reader is expected to simply grok the wholesomeness of KDE and the lack of this mystical quality in GNOME. It is nonsense of course. Neither desktop is particularly "integrated" compared to Windows XP, and certainly not compared any version of the Apple Mac. Whatever "integrated" actually means.

  • Myth #2 - KDE is easier to use

    Again, such nebulous arguments are never explained, and the reader is expected to simply understand the truth of the zealots statement. Both KDE and GNOME have user-interface irritations (all systems do), but "ease of use" is not a simple thing to measure. KDE has never been subjected to detailed user testing, unlike GNOME [gnome.org] , and the claims of user-friendliness are from crazed supporters and not average users. Furthermore, the KDE faithful rarely look beyond simple-minded copying of Windows, and forget that administering a desktop system is just as important as having widgets in the correct place on the toolbar. For example: What about application installation and removal? GNOME has the excellent RedCarpet by Ximian [ximian.com] , which makes the installation, removal and updating of applications trivial. KDE users are expected to fend for themselves with brutal command line driven systems. GNOME also has the excellent Ximian setup tools to handle various tricky cross-platform and potentially risky system configuration operations. KDE offers none of this, only a few small half-assed Linux-only tools, which make no attempt at check-pointing to return to known working configurations.

  • Myth #3 - KDE is more popular

    In what sense? Arguably more people use KDE, but it is a close run thing. Most KDE zealots use the results of online polls as proof of their superior userbase - which is, quite frankly, complete and utter nonsense. Online polls are the joke of the century; it doesn't even require a motivated script kiddie to render then worthless. A single post alerting the faithful on a zealot-ridden site can skew the result so much it makes American presidential elections look fair and well organised. Popularity is also difficult to measure when *both* GNOME and KDE are frequently installed on the same system. The systems can co-exist and even run at the same time, except for certain applications such as panels. Many KDE users actually run GNOME applications for their superior features and stability, not realising that by doing so they are barely running KDE at all.

    One of the few solid measures of popularity is commercial use of a desktop, and here, GNOME is far ahead with both Hewlett Packard and Sun committing to using GNOME as the desktop for their Unix systems. This also ties in with the previously mentioned ease of use. Sun's major contribution to the GNOME project is in the areas of user/developer documentation, testing, accessiblity and user-testing. Three of the less glamourous parts of desktop development. The arrival of the GNOME 2.x series will see these contributions reach fruitition and allow GNOME to make a quantum leap ahead of KDE in most of the basic computer/user issues.

  • Myth #4 - Konqueror is the best Linux browser

    Oh for a penny every time this lie is told in any KDE story! Konqueror not a bad piece of software. It's authors deserve praise for the work done on it. However, the sheer amount of orgasmic gushing by the KDE faithful is completely out of proportion to its actual quality. It is quite unreliable and even simple standards compliant pages can crash it quite comprehensively. It is also lax in its support of basic web standards compared to either Mozilla or Opera. It is also extremely slow - much slower than the latest incarnations of the GNOME Nautilus filemanager/browser (a target of much KDE FUD during its development).

  • Myth #5 - KDE applications are better/more advanced than GNOME ones due to the ease of developing in C++ using the Qt toolkit

    See also: Qt/TrollTech. This is the most common wail heard by KDE developers, and yet it is easily disproved by looking at the actual applications for GNOME/GTK and KDE/Qt. KDE applications often have larger version numbers than GNOME ones... an old trick played by commerical software developers. Most KDE apps seem to jump for 1.x releases long before they are ready - KOffice being the best example. None of the components in Koffice are worthy of a 1.0 release, let alone 1.1 or 1.2.

    GNOME applications get much more testing in their 0.x stages and despite shorter development phases they mature and reach stable featureful release states much more quickly. Some examples of this are: the superb Evolution (groupware/email), Gnumeric (spreadsheet), Pan (newsreader), The GIMP (image manipulation), Abiword (word processing), RedCarpet, X-Chat (IRC client), XMMS (media player), Galeon (web browser), and for developers: Glade and Anjuta. All of these packages ooze quality, and far outclass their KDE counterparts. It is no understatement to say that GNOME is at least 18 months ahead of KDE in applications, and pulling still further ahead.

    It's not only in the area of user applications that GNOME is vastly more advanced. With the forthcoming 2.x release, a number of impressive behind the scenes technologies will finally mature: component technology (bonobo), media (Gstreamer), internationalisation (pango). As a developement platform, GNOME 2.x is, conservatively, 2-3 years ahead of KDE. And what is more, because it is not tied to a lowest common denominator cross-platform bloat-fest like the Qt toolkit, the lead (as with applications) can only increase further.

    It is also worth noting that GNOME also develops code for use outside the project (see the XML libraries as one example) - the KDE project rarely (if ever) engages in this kind of work. KDE developers ensure that all software must link with Qt, and hence tie it closely with the Qt toolkit preventing re-use and enhancing the value of TrollTech intellectual property.


    Yet despite all this, we are still regularly fed the lie that Qt and C++ makes application and desktop development easier. Judge for yourself.

  • Myth #6 - KDE is faster and takes less memory than GNOME

    KDE is written in C++. While this is not necessarily a problem, it can be when Visual Basic reject programmers (which the KDE project is overrun with) do not know enough to avoid important pitfalls that plague C++ software projects. Stupid use of autoincrementing operators and iteration with C++ objects; and masses of unnecessary allocations and deallocations of memory are two of the most common. KDE suffers badly from both problems.

    Perhaps the most cretinous of all problems is blaming the extremely slow startup times of KDE apps on GCC. The GNOME 1.x releases were hardly svelt (2.x fixes many of these issues), but GNOME is a fashion cat-walk superwaif when compared to KDE's 500lb fat-momma cheese-burger scoffing trailer trash. One need only look at the recent fuss over ugly KDE hacks (such as prelinking) used to bandage up the design and coding flaws in the decrepit KDE architecture to see the truth.

  • Myth #7 - GNOME development is slower. KDE releases faster.

    Fundamental misunderstanding. The KDE project releases as one big lump of code due to its use of C++ and the many problems this causes with libraries. The project bumps the version number of the entire KDE system for the smallest modifications. GNOME, on the other hand is componentized and each component releases on a (almost) separate schedule, bumping it's own version number but not the main GNOME version (1.4, for example). Occasional releases of the entire GNOME system happen, and that's when the GNOME version number is bumped (currently it is at 1.4). To see this in action, use RedCarpet and you will regular updates to GNOME components. GNOME development is not slower, it is in fact faster and more advanced. Lamers and newbies, however, fail to understand the advantages of this method and just see KDE 1.1.1 followed a few weeks later by KDE 1.1.2. Wow! KDE roolz.

  • Myth #8 - The Qt toolkit is cross-platform and yet takes advantage of each individual platform

    The Qt toolkit (the software at the heart of KDE) is supposedly a cross-platform toolkit allowing the lucky developer the opportunity to write Windows/Linux/Mac software all at once. And yet, among the magical mythical claims made, the most nonsensical is that it makes applications which take advantage of the distinct features of the different platforms. This is of course, nonsense. Qt is a bloated, slow layer that is slapped over a native system's APIs in an attempt to make all the systems look alike. It no more takes advantage of Linux/Windows/Mac than Java does - in fact it offers many of the disadvantages of Java with few of the advantages. If you have ever wondered why the KDE desktop looks so much like Windows... you need look no further than Qt. Qt is a lowest common denominator toolkit, and that LCD is Windows - Trolltech's, the creator of Qt, real market.
  • Myth #9 - TrollTech is a friend of Free software

    To Be Written. Ideas: Qt started out as non-Free. KDE developers knew this violated the GPL, didn't care, stole others' GPL code by porting it to link (in violation of the license) with Qt and are therefore untrustworthy. KDE core developers work for TrollTech. Expensive per developer licensing for writing closed-source with Qt, and hence KDE. Trolltech only moved towards the GPL because of the success of GNOME. Labyrinthine licensing nightmare (3 licenses to deal with). Gradual migration of features belonging in KDE into Qt (and so into TrollTech's IP portfolio), allowing easy porting of apps to the revenue generating Windows world (see TheKompany for a perfect example), thereby making KDE an irrelevant launcher of Qt applications. Claims made that Qt is GPL, while true, hide the real truth. There cannot be a real fork of Qt for the KDE project: Core developers work for Trolltech; any fork would need to be full GPL and hence ban any closed-source apps from KDE altogether (all KDE apps must link with Qt); Any commerical licensees of Qt (non-GPL) would and could only follow TrollTech. KDE is stitched up good and proper.

  • Myth #10 - KDE is more than attractive, but GNOME/GTK is ugly

    To be Written. Ideas: Mosfet liquid theme is an ugly and unstable hack. GNOME GTk icons are better thought-out and of a far higher quality than the poorly drawn and cartoonish and confusing KDE ones. Qt is basically a Windows-look on a Unix platform.

Updated Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081615)

For the first time ever the troll library has been UPDATED with your troll!!

For the Troll Library (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3062413)

The word "fag" is a contraction of the word "faggot" (or, "fagot"). When traced through its etymological history, the word "faggot" simply means "a bundle of sticks used as fuel." See dictionary.com and thesaurus.com (where such words as "fuel" and "brimstone" are used as synonyms). "Scholars" can't decide when such a word began to be used in reference to homosexuals, so we'll give the answer here: "I have overthrown some of you, as God overthrew Sodom and Gomorrah, and ye were as a firebrand plucked out of the burning: yet have ye not returned unto me, saith the Lord."

Amos 4:11. The word translated "firebrand" is the Hebrew word "uwd," which comes from a Hebrew verb meaning "to rake together" (or, "to gather together"). In short, the Hebrew word "uwd" is talking about burning sticks of wood that are gathered together. That is what the English word "faggot" means. Amos 4:11 could just as easily be translated "...ye were as a faggot plucked out of the burning..."

For those geniuses out there who are asking, "are you saying that God hates burning pieces of wood?", the answer is "no, we're using it as a figure of speech, just like the Bible uses it." It is an excellent metaphor to describe sodomites because they fuel God's wrath, they burn in lust, and they will burn in hell. In Amos 4:11, the "fag" is the person who is sinning after the manner of Sodom and Gomorrah, has seen other "fags" overthrown by God, and still refuses to repent. So, the word "fag" refers to people who sin like the Sodomites did. It not only refers to homosexuals, but also refers to people who support homosexuals (see Romans 1:32), and people who engage in all other relatively "lesser" perversions (like impenitent premarital sex and adultery, including the adultery of all of you divorced-and-remarried "born again Christians").

For those of you who have deluded yourselves into thinking that the story of Sodom isn't really talking about homosexuals, read the following: the people of Sodom and Gomorrah had completely turned away from God, and whenever that happens, homosexuality abounds. Paul described this in Romans 1, and you can read the story of Sodom and Gomorrah in Genesis 19. Conditions in Sodom were so bad that it had become acceptable for men to surround Lot's house and ask to have sex with the men inside. Anybody who thinks that today is any different than those days needs to attend San Francisco's annual gay rights parade, stand along the parade route, and hold a sign that says "GOD HATES FAGS." You'll see and hear evidence of all of the sins of Sodom in just a few short hours (sodomy, violence, fornication, adultery, pride, sinful treatment of the servants of God, etc.) The same mob mentality that ruled the unlawful fags in the days of Sodom rules the unlawful fags today.

Re:For the Troll Library (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3068511)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

Added to Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081624)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

VA is dying (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3062437)

Just three days ago, I subscribed to OSDN's (formerly known as Andover.net; a subsidiary of VA Software formerly known as VA Linux formerly known as VA Research) Freshmeat Update newsletter. However, I quickly found out that spending half a minute per day reading about new open sores warez is a waste of my valuable time; hence I decided to unsubscribe. Luckily, I was too lazy to do it yesterday or else I would have missed this wonderful ad that came with the newsletter this morning, instead of the usual ad for Thawte's SSL Guide:

--
Mind altering substance from Microsoft.

Microsoft® Visual Studio® .NET from Microsoft
has arrived. Will the old way of programming
survive?Click to find out:
www.msdn.microsoft.com/vstudio
--


It seems that the Visual Studio banner ad [doubleclick.net] was not a single occurence, but rather part of a prolonged advertising campaign by Microsoft on the VA sites.

Hopefully, this means that VA are running short of cash, need every dollar they could possibly get their greedy hands on and their end is nearer than I would have ever hoped. Hopefully, this will also mean that Slashdot won't be around much longer and the pimply-faced slashbots will finally use some real software [microsoft.com] instead of that open sores crap [kdevelop.org] .

P.S. I liked this part in MS' ad the most: "Will the old way of programming survive?". LOL.

Added to Troll Library (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3068527)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

Holy Shit (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3062815)

Some people need to find something better to do with their time, rather than write programs that submit trolls to slashdot.

Sorry to break it to you, but nobody's gonna pay you to do this. Holy fsck.

Added to Troll Library (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3064435)

Your excellent troll has been added to the Troll Library. Thank you for your contribution!

Re:Holy Shit (-1)

l33t j03 (222209) | more than 12 years ago | (#3073719)

Which is different from nobody paying a person to develop Linux?

Another one for the Troll Library (1, Troll)

DavidJA (323792) | more than 12 years ago | (#3062968)

The last few months I have been doing some research into the trolling phenomenon on slashdot.org. In order to do this as thoroughly as possible, I have written both normal and troll posts, 1st posts, etc., both logged in and anonymously, and I have found these rather shocking results:

  • More moderator points are being used to mod posts down than up. Furthermore, when modding a post up, every moderator seems to follow previous moderators in their choices, even when it's not a particularly interesting or clever post [slashdot.org] [slashdot.org]. There are a LOT more +5 posts than +3 or +4.
  • Logged in people are modded down faster than anonymous cowards. Presumably these Nazi Moderators think it's more important to burn a user's existing karma, to silence that individual for the future, than to use the moderation system for what it's meant for : identifying "good" and "bad" posts (Notice how nearly all oppressive governments in the past and present do the same thing : marking individuals as bad and untrustworthy because they have conflicting opinions, instead of engaging in a public discussion about these opinions)
  • Once you have a karma of -4 or -5, your posts have a score of -1 by default. When this is the case, no-one bothers to mod you down anymore. This means a logged in user can keep on trolling as much as he (or she) likes, without risking a ban to post on slashdot. When trolling as an anonymous user, every post starts at score 0, and you will be modded down to -1 ON EVERY POST. When you are modded down a certain number of times in 24 hour, you cannot post anymore from your current IP for a day or so. So, for successful trolling, ALWAYS log in.
  • A lot of the modded down posts are actually quite clever [slashdot.org] [slashdot.org], funny [slashdot.org] [slashdot.org], etc., and they are only modded down because they are offtopic. Now, on a news site like slashdot, where the number of different topics of discussion can be counted on 1 hand, I must say I quite like the distraction these posts offer. But no, when the topic is yet another minor version change of the Linux kernel [slashdot.org] [slashdot.org], they only expect ooohs and aaahs about this great feat of engineering. Look at the moderation done in this thread [slashdot.org] [slashdot.org] to see what I mean.
  • Digging deep into the history of slashdot, I found this poll [slashdot.org] [slashdot.org], which clearly indicates the vast majority does NOT want the moderation we have here today. 'nuff said.

Feel free to use this information to your advantage. I thank you for your time.

Re:Another one for the Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081665)

Um yah I think I heard that somewhere before

MS/Slashdot conspiracy (-1)

GoatTroll (556420) | more than 12 years ago | (#3064607)

In light of the new URL convention for slashdot (SECTION.slashdot.org where SECTION can be apple, ask, ..., etc.) which looks suspiciously MS IIS-like, I just queried Netcraft to find out what type of server the site is running. The results were astonishing!

The site ask.slashdot.org is running Microsoft-IIS/5.0 on Windows 2000.

... same with slashdot.org, apple.slashdot.org, yro.slashdot.org, tacosnot.slashdot.org, and jonkatzcatholicpriest.slashdot.org. CmdrTaco and company have SOLD THEIR SOULS to the EVIL EMPIRE!! MICROSOFT HAS WON!! It is entirely likely that they have been bought by Mr. Gates and company. This end result was predicted here [slashdot.org] .

update (0)

Mighty-Troll (549627) | more than 12 years ago | (#3067566)

as of 4:00 CST today the server appears to be running an old copy of OS/2 Warp 3.0, the OS to end all.

Added to Troll Library, BUT... (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3068533)

Dear Troll,

We are pleased to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

BUT when this was reposted you got all hostile, so whats the deal!!!

The Business of Open Source (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3068051)

February 21, 2002

VA SOFTWARE REPORTS RESULTS FOR SECOND FISCAL QUARTER, 2002

FREMONT, CA--February 21, 2002--VA Software Corporation (Nasdaq: LNUX), provider of the SourceForgeT collaborative software development platform, today announced results for its second fiscal quarter of 2002, beating analyst expectations for revenue, net loss and cash usage.

The second quarter pro forma net loss, excluding amortization of goodwill and intangible assets and deferred stock compensation, improved to $6.9 million, or $0.13 per share, from the fiscal 2001 second quarter net loss of $13.4 million, or $0.28 per share. This compares to First Call reported consensus analyst estimates of a pro forma loss of $0.16 per share, and guidance offered in the company's November 20, 2001 press release of a pro forma net loss of $8.0 to $8.5 million.

On a total reported basis, the fiscal 2002 second quarter net loss was $9.7 million, or $0.18 per share, showing significant improvement compared to last year's second quarter total reported net loss of $74.1 million, or $1.57 per share. For the six months ended January 26, 2002, the company's total reported net loss was $64.5 mllion, or $1.22 per share, compared to the total reported net loss of $125.5 million, or $2.69 per share, for the six months ended January 26, 2001.

Amazing Business Opportunity (0)

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Added to Troll Library (With enhancements) (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3068543)

Dear Troll,

We are pleased to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

I added some bolded text I hope you dont mind.

horoscopes for the troll wars! (-1, Offtopic)

Plutotron (561779) | more than 12 years ago | (#3068322)

Aires [trollaxor.com]
Aires, the other trolls are starting to tire of your self-delusional and selfish demeanor. You are not the one to lead the revolution. There is not even a revolution. In the coming days you should stray from your "blind and barbarous" charges into the frontlines of battle. Balance your self-aggrandizing trolls with humility or brotherhood. You blazed a trail through the e-wilderness but now you have blitzed your penis into a brick wall. Start looking for that balance with the universe and its inhabitants which you lack, lest you blindly and bluntly charge your erect manhood into ESR's sweaty, pulsing, and filthy anus. And you don't want to do that, do you?

Taurus
You provide foundation and structure to trolldom. If there be an Empire, then let its roots be your works. Yours is the first earthly manifestation of our combined and unified beauty, but now you have a choice. You can either lazily roam the fertile pastures and suck the sweet honey of victory, or you can help build Babel to the heavens. Beware, the former might lead to you sucking the semen from Taco's cock, while the latter, although lifting you from your sacred footings and unnerving yourself, may prove to be the wisest choice.

Gemini
You have many talents. Your trolls can be beautifully written, exhibiting your natural communication talents. Your mind is quick and flighty. Have you ever realized the variety of your pieces? One night you might write a homosexual expose on Linux faggotry, while the next day it is a craftily written legitimate troll. Your dual nature puzzles most and maybe even yourself. Some might not even see it outright. De Broglie contends that all matter is a wave on some level. Are you a wave, wayward Gemini? Another example is that you are a troll but you revel in using open source programs. You hide yourself well. You are a whore in most ways. And as a whore you will never be fulfilled. You may have had your fun about a week ago, but now it is not your time. It will be a while before you pull yourself back together again. But stick around, the dregs take entertainment in your plights and facetious ways.

Cancer
Remember that time you once tried to troll? Remember when everyone laughed at your pitiful attempts? Remember how you withdrew immediately and started to masturbate wildly to Hentai? Remember how once you came the neurotransmitters immediately pulsed through your being and took you to a pleasant place? The lesson here is that you are a pussy-mama and have no trolling talents. Masturbation is not a talent, fool, and you will never have your love be accepted in trolldom, or the world for that matter.

Leo
You know those days when no one seems to be trolling? Well Leo, you are our light in those dark days. You carry the torch, albeit in a conceited and self-centered way, but nonetheless you keep the Path alive. The shadow has yet to hold us sway. Don't get to full off yourself, because while you can keep a warm castle for us, you can't build us an Empire. Know your limitations sir, and also take care not to trample over the visionaries that can take you to the Next Level.

Virgo
You trolling style reeks of prudishness. To spice your life, I recommend throwing in some good bathroom humor or homosexuality into your writings. Your endless crapflooding, although detailed and nonsensical, lacks something special. You are a machine, a practical worker for the cause. You can best manifest your greatness when you are working for someone else. You should find a good Gemini (yeah I know that's an oxymoron), Libra, or Aquarius to give you inspiration and work. You need some mental stimulation right now. Actually, you could use any stimulation now, and for that, find a Libra.

Libra
Much like your cardinal counterpart Aires, you are a pioneer. But unlike Aires, your talent begins in the mind, inciting thousands of blood-thirsty trolls to rally to the cause. You lead is bond, and your bond is beauty. But did I mention you're a fake, arrogant bastard. Your superficial way can't last. Also, did you ever wonder why you rarely troll? Well, I'll tell you. You're an indecisive bastard. You start a story but then can't make up your mind over some unimportant detail. Becoming frustrated, you start jerking off to the homosexual undertones contained in your trolls. This is a mistake. Harness and channel your energy of creativity and destruction, and in the balancing of the two you might find success.

Scorpio
You are the true master of the art of covert trolling. Under the innocent guise of a harmless introvert lies a cold calculating killer brooding for the taste of blood and seminal fluids. You manipulate, scheme, lie, and sleep your way to the top. You could be a star in the sky, but you usually end up bound up in your own web of deceit. Sometimes you unconsciously look forward and plot this conclusion. In the depths of your sick twisted hell lies the key to transformation. The phoenix is birthed in the abyss, only to catch ablaze and fly soaring to the heavens. This probably won't happen to you though.

Sagittarius
You have the ability to show us "The True Path", but you would rather drink yourself to oblivion with a bunch of forest nymphs. Honestly, who here wouldn't do that? I have a desire to party with the forest nymphs tonight. Sag, let us hang out, drink much stout and wine, and fornicate with some nymphs. Fuck trolling, my carnal nature calls.

Capricorn
Always trying, always failing, always overcoming. Are you part of the allied forces, or do you contribute to the vile structure that threatens us all? Nobody recognizes your struggles because you manage to write in an earthy and uninspired monotone. What does this mean? Well, I don't know exactly what it means but I do know that you're a homosexual.

Aquarius
We all have problems, but you, Aquarius, have problems that affect us all. You fancy yourself a leader. Why? We never asked for you to bare the water to our thirsty lips. We never asked you to refine the Troll Empire into your own sick sadistic world. Once outcasted among "proper" trolls, some sick spirit from within told you, "If you build it, they will cum." Fuck those talentless bastards. The structure is now built, and the talents are ready to be poured. It is your duty to pour your metaphorical homosexual semen all over trolldom, and the world. Do not falter, for the revolution looms, and the sun will rise yet.

Pisces
Oh, what an old soul you must be. In some ways you are the flowing talent that Aquarius bares. This is doubtful though, as your inner water is probably stagnant and swarming with mosquitoes. You embody the best of the of the Zodiac. Don't get to full of yourself, because you also embody the worst. That is the key to your constant failures. You should get very angry right now and create a storm with the raging sewage inside of you. Pound trolldom from the heavens with your bile, and then cry. You may feel that no one understands you, and hell, you're probably right. That doesn't matter now, because the world needs your "talents" right now.

Added to Troll Library (-1, Offtopic)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3068563)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

the penis troll. (-1)

Mayor McPenisman (557253) | more than 12 years ago | (#3068348)

Mayor McPenisman has a tale of woe to dispense, and since you asked, here goes:
Emporer Napleon Bonerpants founded Penisville with the intention of eating penis pot pie on a daily basis. Soon after, Harry "Penis" Houdini assisinated him through trecherous means. Our penis loving state was in danger of being taken over by the Poonis worshippers.
Then I, Mayor McPenisman united the penisites under the flag of penis (the flag of penis being a penis drawn on a flag) and the general love among penismen. All "members" (get it?) of the penis party get penis sitting privilages any time they want. Phallic Phreedom to all!

Added to Troll Library (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3068549)


Dear Troll ,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

Many entries to add to the library (0, Troll)

Metrollica (552191) | more than 12 years ago | (#3068615)

Each entry is seperated by =====

CmdrTaco's "Gaping Anus", the true story of one faggot who turned a god awful deformity into a music career

It has recently come to my attention that the entire Slashdot crew engage in homosexual activities. CmdrTaco [cmdrtaco.net] is one such person, and has dedicated his life to this disgusting habit and many others [e-t-r.net] . For further information on Taco-Snotting please refer to George WIPO Bush's Taco-Snotting FAQ which can be easily found by searching for the Slashdot journal of George WIPO Bush [slashdot.org] or by looking in the comments of Slashdot articles (Usually modded -1).
Update: The WIPO Troll has passed away [slashdot.org] but he lives on in our hearts.

It has also come to my attention that CmdrTaco has other interests besides homosexuality (Believe it or not). One such interest includes a budding music career with a song titled "Gaping Anus". The details are sketchy on this topic but I do know that besides the lead vocals of CmdrTaco, it includes Timothy and CowboyNeal (Also members of the Slashdot crew). There has been no release date set for this album or which record label it will be produced under. I believe CmdrTaco is planning to set up his own label, Taco-Snotting Records [riaa.com] , with the intention of releasing [massivecumshots.com] the song on a cd-single with various remixes as soon as possible (To catch the current popularity of the Taco-Snotting fad). Various remixes of Gaping Anus will include: "Extra Jizz", "Snot Me Baby One More Time" [britneyspears.com] , "www.Goatse.cx" [goatse.cx] , and "Once You Taco-Snot, You Can't Stop" [pringles.com] . I am sure many, many, more are sure to come. I predict this album will be a very hot seller this holiday season, especially with in or out of closet homosexuals [resist.com] , and with those who have no self-respect (Readers of Slashdot) [goatse.cx] .

Through a good, non-homosexual [bsnn.net] friend of mine, I have recieved a copy of the lyrics to Gaping Anus. Included after the lyrics is a very speical tribute written by yours truely. Perhaps CmdrTaco will ask me to provide the vocals. Please feel free to read the lyrics and post your comments and disgust.

BTW, please do not reply with the intention of flaming [advicemeant.com] me because the lyrics are a rip-off of Insane Clown Posse's [insaneclownposse.com] "Slim Anus" [realjuggalos.com] . For more information on ICP and Slim Anus refer here [planet-eminem.com] and here [mp3mtv.com] . CmdrTaco is the author of this fine musical work and not me. So, it is obviously he who has ripped off ICP and not me. Thank you.

Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is Gaping Anus
Hi, my name is huh?
My name is what?
My name is the fudgepacker
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who? (Excuse me)
My name is the nutlicker
Hi, my name is what? (Can I have the attention of your ass?)
My name is who?
My name is the buttsniffer

Hi, kids do you like Anus?
I let Linus Torvalds fill up my butt for a chance to be famous (Uh huh)
Wanna copy me and do exactly like I did? (Yeah)
Try Taco-Snotting and get your butt pumped out like I did?
My brains dead weight
I'm tryin to get my head straight
But I can't figure out
Which Slashdot editor I wanna impregnate
Timothy said, "CmdrTaco you a cutie" (Uh huh)
"I'll give you a deal, let me up in that booty" (OK!)
Well since age 12 I felt like I'm someone else
Cause I choked my original self Taco-Snotting him (Yup)
Got pissed off and ripped CowboyNeal's tits off
He don't know how to do Chris D
I'd suck his dick off

Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus it gets tapped dawg
Hi, my anus (Excuse me)
My anus
My anus every now and then gets plugged up
Hi, my anus (Can I have the attention of your ass?)
My anus
My anus is occasionally reamed out
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus really needs to be filled up

My boss tried to fire me yesterday
I told him to take his pants off, hooked him up, he let me slide
I pinched his ass
He winked at me
He chased me around the desk
I told him "Come and get me!"
Walked in the strip club
Had my jacket zipped up
Flashed the bartender
And I tried to feel his dick up
Homosexuals Circle-Jerking pedestrians
Near a gay bar while they're screamin
Lets just be friends!
99% of my life I was lied to
I just found out my Mom screws more guys than I do (Damn)
I told her I'd grow up to be a famous Taco-Snotter
She met Michael, I couldn't believe it when he slapped her
You know you blew up when the women rush the stands
And try to touch your hands
But I need me a man
This guy at Gay Al's strip club asked for my autograph (Dude can I get your
autograph?)
So I signed it "Dear Anal Cocks, thanks for the support"
"Nice ass!"

Hi, my name is huh?
My name is who? (Excuse me)
My name is (They call me the pore plugger)
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is the inch itcher (Excuse me)
One of Slashdot's homosexuals
They call me the butt itcher
Hi, my name is what?
My name is who?
My name is (I've been called Hemos' butt boy)

Stop the tape this gaylord needs to be locked away (Get him)
Cliff, don't just stand there operate
Or feel up my balls and buttcheeks
Anal lube got my ass greasy for weeks
Stick your manhood between my cheeks (Yup)
Am I giving or taking it
I can barely decide
I just drank a gallon of semen (Imperial or U.S.?)
Dare me to drive? (Go ahead)
All my life I was very deprived
CowboyNeal's butt is too sexy to hide
Take your pants off Neal I don't mind
Clothes rip like the Incredible Hulk
I spit cum when I talk
I do any guy that walks
When I was little I used to get so hungry I would throw fits
Sometimes I sit and wish <i>Hemos had a set of tits (He does)
CowboyNeal: "Get behind me CmdrTaco and grab me by my hips"
If I do that then I can't kiss you on your lips
By the way if you see my Dad
Ask him if he seen my spread in Gay House Porno Mag

Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus gets tapped up
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus it's always getting plugged up
Hi, my anus who?
My anus what?
My anus occasionally reamed out
My anus it needs to be filled up


Your anus
Your anus
Your anus is always getting plugged
Your anus
Your anus
Your anus is always getting stuffed
Your anus
Your anus
You little bitch I'll slap your face off
That's what happens when you go up against the Metrollica trick
You little bitch (Laughs)
Gaping Anus!

=====

The Slashdot Drinking Game

Brought to you courtesy of the clearly-a-sarky-observation-piece dept and can't-be-arsed-to-copy-the-colour-scheme-or-layout dept.

Faux instructions

  1. Surround yourself with a handful of Slashdot-aware friends.
  2. Surround yourself with a variety of alcoholic beverages.
  3. Familiarise yourself with things to slur when sufficiently intoxicated. These may include - but are not limited to: "Whaaaassssup!" and "I regret to inform you, ossifer, that my alcohol may contain trace amounts of blood".
  4. Gather friends around a large monitor.
  5. Familiarise yourself with the observations set out below, and decide among yourself which drinks to down, and when.
  6. Load a web-browser, and visit Slashdot [hick.org] . Open up an article on practically any subject; display preferences set to 'flat, threshold 1, oldest first'.
  7. Scroll down the page, slow enough so that even the booziest of observers has enough time to read and comprehend each post. As per the pre-arranged rules, consume a beverage of your choice.
  8. CMP state,#bladdered : BNE stage_7


Real instructions
  1. Read the observations listed below.
  2. Depending on whether you agree with them or not, either nod sagely and concur, "True, true" or scowl angrily and accuse the author of smoking crack.


The actual observations

Drink a quantity of alcoholic substance and/or nod solemnly whenever...

  • A poor analogy is constructed, embellished and never refuted, especially when it relates to the politics of MP3s, the feasibility of designing accessible websites, the ramifications of gun laws or the relative advantages/disadvantages of Intellectual Property.
  • A large number [searchwords.com] of words [google.com] in an article [salon.com] are unnecessarily hyperlinked [w3.org] , thus causing the hapless (yet curious [amazon.com] ) reader to place the mouse [news] pointer over each and every one, in [mirc.co.uk] the [slashdot.org] hope [sexuality.org] that at least one of them might [insidetheweb.com] be in any way [h2g2.com] interesting [memepool.com] .
  • Someone says "Ummmm... you did read the article, didn't you?"
    • ...but they probably didn't read it themselves.
  • An informative article is moderated as 'insightful', or vice versa.
  • Someone claims that their post consistssolely of the cold harsh facts of truth, while the opponent has to resort to name-calling, FUD or other such beastly tactics [slashdot.org] .
  • The pre-emptive plea: "I'll probably get moderated down for saying this..."; which of course gets moderated up.
  • ...they were posting anonymously to "protect their karma".

The 'Slashdot mentality' is described and 'rebelled' against, to the author's karmic advantage.

  • ...they are effectively moderated up simply for voicing an opinion which is (or claims to be...) 'radically different'
  • ...plausible examples of the 'groupthink conformity' are mentioned (e.g. pro-Linux, pro-Open Source, anti-Microsoft, anti-spam, pro-Libertarian, anti-censorship, pro-Napster etc).
  • ...implausible examples are mentioned ("I'll probably get moderated down for voicing this opinion in what is clearly a predominantly anti-taildocking forum")
  • ...the author talks of 'Slashbots', 'Sheepdot' or other such anti-Slashdot rhetoric ("Open Source, Closed Minds... we are Slashdot")
  • ...a clearly inflammatory post is saved from a rightful (Score: -1, Flamebait) with the cautionary "this isn't a troll, I'm just pointing out the facts" or better still, the unconvincing "this isn't a troll - I don't even know what a troll is."
  • ...the score makes it clear that Slashdot moderators are becoming more sympathetic to pro-Microsoft posts than pro-Linux ones.

A poster recognizes a troll and comprehends the futility in replying to such, but does so anyway with the resignation, "I know I'm not supposed to reply to trolls, but..."

A poster is accused of being a troll despite being not even remotely inflammatory or controversial.

After being berated for posting an insensitive, illogical or offensive post, the author caves in and posts, "*sheesh* it was only a joke! Evidentally you have no sense of humour!"

Ignoring the numerous replies to a "It's funny. Laugh" article that clearly demonstrate that the posters have indeed found it to be amusing, someone suggests that everyone is taking it "waaaaay too seriously."

Something is criticized as being "cool" or "trendy".

A posting ends with the author saying, "eh, whatever", "go figure" or "*shrug*".

Someone utilises any of the following terms or phrases: zealot, jihadist, sheeple, hysterical, misguided, whine, apologists, "funny, isn't it, how...".

=====

Fuck off, troll. Your mental processes must be on par with those of the average piece of cow dung. It pains me to think that, by the mere act of typing, I am crushing millions upon millions of amoebae and bacteria living on my keyboard with more intellectual capacity and evolutionary potential than you.

=====

Please stop replying to the troll. If we learned nothing from the recent Voyager episode it's that annoying people go away if you ignore them, and Q has a foot fetish.

=====

Would you PLEASE walk into traffic, you trolling piece of monkey shit.

=====

Come back when you have something real troll.

=====

Quoth the raven: Piss off troll!

=====

Get fucked, you ignorant trolling piece of shit.

=====

According to a VERY reputable troll I a large penis.

=====

And I refer the fucking troll to my middle finger.

=====

Computer, self built, internet ready: $1000
Cable Internet Access: $40/month
Fridge stoked with Coke: $175
Staying up long enough to watch another troll flame out and die: Priceless.

=====

BTW, you are the absolute last person who should be demanding more on topic posts, you dope-smoking, soup-eating, boyfriend-whining, tantrum-throwing, troll-inviting, stargate-loving, mathematically challenged, logically challenged, and just plain challenged lump of protoplasm, possessing the likability of a crying redhead at Kmart and the dishonety of Al Gore and Baron Munchausen put together. Your signal-to-noise ratio can be outdone by a hand radio wrapped in tin foil. In short: Here's your sign.

=====

You guys are getting all riled up by a few trolls, and not only that, your ACTUAL discussions are pretty damn lame. This has got to be the saddest thing I've ever seen on the internet.

=====

Are you a semi-literate kid who got onto his daddy's PC and decided to play at troll-for-a-day?

=====

You Are Being Flamed Because:
[ ] You posted a message concerning a pyramid scheme
[ ] You posted a "test" in a newsgroup other than alt.test
[ ] You posted something completely off-topic
[ ] You posted a "YOU ALL SUCK" message
[ ] You posted a phone-sex ad
[x] You posted a blatant troll
[ ] You quoted an ENTIRE post in your reply
[ ] You continued a long, stupid thread
[ ] You started an off-topic thread
[ ] You said "me too" to something
[ ] You don't know which group to post in
[x] You suck
[ ] Your sig/alias sucks
[ ] You brag about things that never happened
[ ] I don't like your tone of voice
[ ] I think you might be a fed
[ ] You're a Nazi
[ ] You're a bigot

=====

Just because I like anal sex doesn't mean I'm a troll.

=====

Linux Buttsex HOW-TO

by Anal Cocks

Introduction

This HOW-TO explains how to perform Buttsex in the Linux Operating System w/Enterprise Resources (LOSER). This HOW-TO assumes basic knowledge of general Linux operation.

Preparation
Most basically, all Linux Buttsex requires is a machine running the Linux Operating System, a penis (also referred to as a "cock" or "dick"), and a willing friend. However, you benefit greatly, especially when starting out, if you posess standard Buttsex tools.

Standard Buttsex Tools
Lubricant - Slippery stuff you smear on your johnson and your friend's manpussy, to ease the transition into Buttsex mode. Vaseline will do in a pinch, but water-based lubricants such as KY Jelly and Astroglide are preferable.

Contraception - Protective barrier between your schlong and the inside of your friend's love canal. Breeders use them to prevent pregnancy, but we queer nancies usually use them to protect ourselves from the deadly AIDS virus. While some enterprising faggots have made do with plastic wrap or masking tape, there is no substitute for a latex condom. Most all condoms will do, as long as they aren't the "extra-thin" type. Some condoms are labelled as beiong superior for Buttsex, but are not necessary.

Step One -- Prepare the Anus
This step is especially important if your friend has never taken a willie in the ass before. Prepare his anus for the width and girth of your manhood with the "finger" command. It is used like so:

% finger [insert your friend's name here]

Begin with your index or middle finger, and then both middle AND index fingers, at the same time. Ten to fifteen minutes should do. If you wish, you may felate him or suck his balls, while you're fingering him.

Step Two -- Entry
Here the fun starts. Have your friend lay prone on the bed, or even better, get down "on all fours". Optionally, place a couple pillows beneath him to make him more comfortable. Now position yourself behind him, and spread his asscheeks. Apply lubricant, generously, to both your sexrod, and his pit of pleasure. It is advisable to stick your fingers partially inside in his anus, to make sure that the entire edge of the entry is covered.

Your penis must be fully erect in order to make a sucessful entry. If you are not already "hard as a rock", you may rub your penis in his asscrack, while tweaking his nipples (or stroking his cock), and saying intimidating things, such as "I am going to make you squeal like a pig, boy. Squeal, like a pig!".

When your sexstick is sufficiently engorged with blood, it is time to being entry. Place the head of your cock firmly against his brown anal starfish. Begin applying firm pressure forwards, optionally using your hand to guide your dick on a true course into sodomy. Your friend is most likely moaning in agony or yelping, and you may either ignore this, or in a snide tone, say "You like that, bitch?".

When your penis is in, move on to the next step.

Step Three -- Hardcore Assramming
This is fairly simple. Move your dick around in his ass, towards and then back, at varying speeds. If for some reason your dick pops out, put in back in, undaunted. Continue pumping and thrusting until you feel you are ready to move on to Step Four.

Step Four -- Orgasm
When ready to blow your load, use this command:

% stdout > ass

This redirects your standard output stream into your friend's pink tunnel of shit. Enter the command, then with one final thrust, placing the entire length of your cock inside his body. Your penis will then eject about a quart of sticky white semen, accompanied by tremendous pleasure.

Step Five -- Cleanup

If you wore a condom, cleanup is simple. Remove the condom and toss it out your window. Then sop up any other jizz, anal juice, shit, or lubricant with Brawny(R) brand paper towels.

If you did not wear a condom, your friend will have a steady drip of cum out of his ass for the next few hours. Tell him to "buck up" and stuff some toilet paper in his underwear.

Afterward

Congratulations! You are now a l337 LUN1X 4$$r4mm3r, just like Linux Toreballs and his gay minions! Celebrate by masturbating to the sensual gay erotica found at http://www.goatse.cx/ [goatse.cx] .

Troubleshooting

My penis isn't long enough to get past the buttcheeks!
Only Jon Katz has this problem. Jon, I've told you to just get the damned surgery.

I have a really small penis, but it's still difficult to get it in the ass!
Only Jon Katz has this problem, because he fucks little boys. Jon, get the damned surgery, and find a lover over the age of 12.

Do you know where I can find kiddie pr0n?
Please go away, Katz.



=====

Anal Stretching: How To
BME: When did you first realize that your ass could be the source of pleasure?

While watching porno films I saw women getting dick in their ass all the time and they seemed to like it a lot, so I thought I'd give it a try.

BME: What was it like the first time you stuck anything in your ass?

I was about twenty at the time the first time I tried it. The first time -- actually most of the first year -- I took no pleasure from it. But, I knew that the porn stars seemed to enjoy it, so I stuck at it and grew to love it as well.

BME: Why did you start putting larger objects in?

I saw gay films where men who were taking whole arms up their ass were getting pleasure from it. I learned to take pleasure from stretching my ass, and the wider I opened it, the more pleasure I took.

BME: How quickly were you able to move up to bigger items? Do you have a training regime?
[bmezine.com]
It took me about two years to be able to take a wine bottle, and four years to take a 32cm ball. Recently I've been able to take a big ball, much bigger than the bottle. To pass that level I had to first train my ass with bigger bottles, like 1.5L pop bottles. There were a number of painful sessions with a lot of blood and ass-hurt for about four days after each session.

Because I am not comfortable writing in English, I will tell you my personal method in French.

BME: Thanks, I'll do my best to translate it for the readers. (Note: The following answer was translated by BME -- I apologize for errors in the translation.)

When I first started, I was using small bottles of shampoo. After that, I tried small apples, and then bigger ones. At this point I'd put a year of stretching in, and bought myself a large dildo.

My method was to dilate my ass as often as I could -- every day, even if just for a short while. Before starting it's important to use a large dildo; use it to both warm up and clean your ass, so make sure you stick it up all the way. When you find that you can take this large dildo without any work-up or preparation, then you know that you're ready to take it to the next step.

Then, in each session, to get your bottom prepared, put in a big cucumber. Soon you'll arrive at a point where even the biggest cucumbers you can buy at the grocery fit easily in your ass. Now you're ready to get serious. Buy a small Coke bottle, and use that in your ass. When that passes in and out easily, move on to bottles of wine. Once you can take wine bottles easily, you can move on to even bigger things.

If at this point you're having trouble with the 1.5L Coke bottle (just try not to force it out because the bottle is very hard), you can also have slower stretching fun with candles. Try putting them in one by one and seeing how many you can fit in -- at this time I was putting in about fifteen at the same time. The candles are great because they allow your anus to stretch very slowly.

Once the 1.5L Coke bottle can enter your ass, train every day or two (use a large dildo first, then the bottle every session). Most of the time I use Vaseline, but don't do what I do in this case. I think that the best lubricants are the ones you can buy for this in a sex shop.

When the 1.5L bottle is passing easily, go out and buy plastic balls that start at a diameter a little bigger than the bottle. Play with those, and with time, and a little luck, you'll arrive at my level too. (Don't feel bad if you're just beginning -- when I first started, I could barely shove a finger in my ass).

What I'm going to tell you now is very important if you plan on doing extreme sessions and taking large gauge. Do not bandage your ass. Do not tighten your buttocks. Try not to get an erecection -- you want the blood to be in your ass lips, not in your cock. It's not easy, but it's important that you think of nothing and empty your mind. It's absolutely necessary that you concentrate on your breathing. Don't think of the pain; know that it will pass. The real secret though is to breath -- and remember, without the pain, it's IMPOSSIBLE TO TAKE THE BIG ONES!

[bmezine.com]

BME: What does it feel like? Is it sort of like getting fucked by a really well hung guy?

I want to make it very clear that I'm not gay -- I LOVE WOMEN!

BME: I'm sorry -- I imagine people must make this mistake all the time?

All the time, yes. Frankly I'm getting fed up with it.

BME: But you didn't tell me you'd gotten the idea for the bigger play from watching gay porn?

Yes, but the gay aspect never aroused me -- just the ass part. The films only helped show me that men enjoyed anal play as much as the women did.

I just want to find a woman who wants to play fisting with me (to fist me, or to let me fist her). I'm searching for one or two or more women to join me in my play -- I want them to stretch my ass with four hands at the same time while my body is supported. If there are any French women reading this, please write me -- it's my dream to do this performance.

Back to your earlier question, playing with a very large object feels a lot like having to take a shit very urgently. Even though you feel like you need to shit, that's just your imagination, and you can get extreme enjoyment with your ass so full.

BME: Do you like the way your ass looks when it's all purple and blown out?

Not at all, I prefer it when my ass accepts the stretching without any damage.

BME: Have you ever bled from the bigger objects?

[bmezine.com] Maybe eight or ten times I've had blood, but it was mostly because I didn't use enough lubricant.

BME: So... how big do you think you can go?

I'm looking for a bigger ball right now. I want to push my stretching as far as my body can physically support. I go slow though, because I never use drugs or anesthetics of any kind; I prefer feeling all the pleasure and the pain!

BME: What's the difference between pleasure and pain?

When I reach the limits of stretching, the pleasure and pain merge into the same feeling -- the pleasure this brings is amazing! Just two days ago I managed to put in a ball 37cm around (that's almost 15"). The feeling of pushing that out of my ass was indescribably pleasurable. Next time I do that I'm going to be sure to video tape it -- I'm sure I could probably even make money with that one!

BME: What are some of the objects you've stuck up your ass?

I've stuck up two big cucumbers at the same time, 1.5L and 2L Coke bottles, balls of all sizes, every size of wine bottle, lots of big butt plugs, etc.

I had a lot of trouble taking the 2L bottle because it doesn't fit in the ass gently. I can take a bigger ball, but a big rubber ball deforms to fit the shape of the ass -- it doesn't get smaller, but it's an easier fit.

BME: After a session, how long does it take for your ass to go back to normal?

Just five or six hours usually.

BME: Does it hurt afterwards?

No, not at all, but for the next few hours I can feel the ass's big lips.

[bmezine.com] BME: Are there permanent effects?

Yes -- my ass is bigger than ever!!!

BME: Do you need to wear a diaper? Does everything still work?

I'm not a baby!!! Everything is normal for me. All of the "anal destruction" I've done was done by me with care, and my ass is as normal as yours is... Although sometimes when I'm taking a crap it's huge because I've now got the capacity to really stock up. My digestion is trouble free though, and I've had no problems at all.

BME: What sorts of emails do you get from your fans?

Well, I don't know that many people online, but mostly admiration, asking for advice, and I've met a few other ass stretchers who've sent me pictures of their stretching.

BME: If someone wants to starting putting bigger things up their ass, how should they get started?

Take it slow. Start with little toys, and take your time growing your ass.

BME: Have you told any of your friends or sex partners about your ass play?

Oh, no! Up until now it's been TOP SECRET!

Added to Troll Library (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3068954)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your MULTIPLE TROLLS into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

i am jon katz (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3068666)

hehehehehe you said "penis" hehehehehe

How it might go. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3069778)

In A.D. 2101
War was beginning

Captain: What happen?
Operator: Somebody set up us the bomb.
Operator: We get signal.
Captain: What!
Operator: Main screen turn on.
Captain: It's You!!
Cats: How are you gentlemen!!
Cats: All your base are belong to us.
Cats: You are on the way to destruction.
Captain: What you say!!
Cats: You have no chance to survive make your time.
Cats: Ha Ha Ha Ha ....
Captain: Take off every "zig."
Captain: You know what you doing.
Captain: Move "zig".
Captain: For great justice.

The ASCII Goat Man - Revisied (-1)

LunchLady (555057) | more than 12 years ago | (#3070374)

* g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x *
g88888888888888888888888888888888888888888888888g
o8/88888\8888888888888\888888888888/8888\8888888o
a|8888888|8888888888888\8888888888|888888|888888a
t|8888888`.8888888888888|888888888|8888888:88888t
s`88888888|8888888888888|88888888\|8888888|88888s
e8\8888888|8/8888888/88\\\888--__8\\8888888:8888e
x88\888888\/888_--~~8888888888~--__|8\88888|8888x
*888\888888\_-~88888888888888888888~-_\8888|8888*
g0000\_00000\00000000_.--------.______\|000|0000g
o000000\00000\______//0_0___0_0(_(__>00\000|000 0o
a0000000\000.00C0___)00______0(_(____>00|00/000 0a
t0000000/\0|000C0____)/ \0(_____>00|_/00000t
s000000/0/\|000C_____) |00(___>000/00\0000s
e00000|000(000_C_____)\______/00//0_/0/00000\000e
x00000|0000\00|__000\\_________//0(__/0000000|00x
*0000|0\0000\____)000`----000--'0000000000000|00*
g0000|00\_0000000000___\ /_0000000000_/0|0g
o000|00000000000000/0000| |00\000000000000|o
a000|0000000000000|0000/ \00\00000000000|0a
t666|6666666666/6/6666| |66\66666666666|0t
s666|666666666/6/666666\__/\___/6666|6666666666|s
e66|66666666666/66666666| |6666666|666666666|e
x66|6666666666|666666666| |6666666|666666666|x
* g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x * g o a t s e x *

The inferior lameless filter does not stop such great artwork as above. I thank whoever originally furnished slashdot with this picture.

Added to Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081640)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

here is my ass (-1)

trollercoaster (250101) | more than 12 years ago | (#3070914)

Right this very minute, I am having this etched into aluminum and coated with high-polymer plastic, 1,000 times over, and buried in 1,000 time capsules across the world. A few copies are being jetisoned into space. I'm also jetisoning all over your mom's face, but that is a different matter alltogether.

Here is my ass
Which you may kiss.
Take time and aim well
You don't want to miss.

For if you aim low
And your lips they do fall
Then you will find
You'll be sucking my balls.

If you aim high
Despite your true heart
Sucks to be you
Now you're eating my fart.

This one goes out to l33t j0e. (-1)

trollercoaster (250101) | more than 12 years ago | (#3070934)

This one goes out to l33t j0e. Here are the top reasons why businesses are moving to Windows 2000 Professional:

#1: Value. The number one reason to move to Windows 2000 Professional is the overall value it offers your business. As this list proves, Windows 2000 Professional can help you reduce costs through improved management and increase productivity through improved reliability and ease of use. For example, analysis conducted at Credit Suisse First Boston predicted that using Windows® 2000 Professional could reduce the firm's directly related IT costs by 15 percent, as well as improve employee productivity by cutting computer-related unproductive time by as much as 41 percent. For more about return on investment, see these reports from Giga Information Group, Inc. and Arthur Andersen .

#2: Reliability. An essential requirement for business users is a personal computer they can count on. That's why Windows 2000 Professional includes fundamental improvements--such as modifications to the operating system core to prevent crashes and the ability for the operating system to repair itself--that make it the most reliable desktop operating system Microsoft has ever produced. On comparative reliability tests conducted by ZD Labs, the average system uptime of Windows 2000 Professional was over 50 times that of Windows 98 and 17 times that of Windows NT Workstation 4.0.

#3: Mobility. Mobile computing is simpler and more efficient with Windows 2000 Professional. This means you can work anywhere, anytime while also saving time and increasing productivity. As described in these news articles, "Finally, a Notebook OS" and "Mobile Users In Love with Win2K" , Windows 2000 Professional offers mobile users key productivity and time-saving features, including the ability to hibernate and restart the system without a reboot and the ability to easily take files and folders offline.

#4: Manageability. Windows 2000 Professional is easier to deploy, manage, and support. Centralized management utilities, troubleshooting tools, and support for self-healing applications all make it simpler for administrators and users to deploy and manage desktop and laptop computers. These improvements pay off in reduced costs, as illustrated by this Eastman Chemical total cost of ownership analysis.

#5: Performance. The advancements made throughout Windows 2000 Professional are accentuated by the operating system's speed. As shown in ZD Labs tests running the most popular business applications, with 64 MB of RAM, Windows 2000 was 32 percent faster than Windows 95 and 27 percent faster than Windows 98. It is also significantly faster than Windows NT 4.0 on configurations with 32 MB of RAM.

#6: Security. Windows 2000 Professional provides comprehensive security features to protect your sensitive business data, both locally on your desktop computer and as it is transmitted over your local area network, phone lines, or the Internet. With its support for Internet-standard security features such as IP Security, Layer 2 Tunneling Protocol, and Virtual Private Networking, Windows 2000 is so secure that banks, such as Credit Suisse First Boston , use it. For some organizations, such as the law firm Dorsey & Whitney LLP, security is a key reason for moving to Windows 2000.

#7: Internet. The familiar user interface of Windows 98 combined with all the capabilities of Internet Explorer 5, makes using the Internet and your local desktop a unified user experience, as described by PC Magazine . This user interface, combined with integrated search capabilities, makes it easier to find and use information locally and on the Web.

#8: Usability. As described in this Windows 2000 Magazine review , Windows 2000 Professional combines the power and security of its predecessor, Windows NT Workstation, with the traditional ease of use of Windows 98. It also provides more wizards, a centralized location for common tasks, and menus that adapt to the way you work.

#9: Data Access. When you use Windows 2000 Professional in conjunction with Windows 2000 Server, you can take advantage of IntelliMirror technologies. By letting you store your important information and desktop settings on a central computer, IntelliMirror lets you work on any computer attached to your network as if you are at your own desk. The centralized management savings made possible by Windows 2000 IntelliMirror technologies are one of the reasons WFofR, Inc. is using Windows 2000 Professional.

#10: Hardware. Windows 2000 Professional lets you take advantage of new hardware devices, such as those with universal serial bus (USB) and IEEE 1394 (Firewire) connections. In addition, support for existing hardware makes Windows 2000 ideal for companies, such as Panasonic , that want to standardize on a single operating system across their organizations.

Added to Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081659)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

subject goes here (-1)

IAgreeWithThisPost (550896) | more than 12 years ago | (#3071212)

I agree with this post.

WoW (0, Troll)

Real World Stuff (561780) | more than 12 years ago | (#3072506)

macshawn23@hotmail.com
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ORDERING OUT OF 5,000 YOU MAILED TO.
Dare to think for a moment what would happen if everyone or half or even
one 4th of those people mailed 100,000e-mails eachpaper, Write the NUMBER & the NAME
of the Report you are ordering, YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS and your name
W13 8PQ
U.K.

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Greenfordjumped in with both feet. I
made merciless fun of her, and was ready to lay
in her ''hobby''.
Mitchell Wolf M.D., Chicago, Illinois

I am, I decided that
the initial investment was so little that there was just no way that I
wouldn't get enough orders to at least get my money back''. '' I was
surprised when I found my medium size post office box crammed with
orders. I made $319,210.00in the first 12 weeks. The nice thing about
this deal is that it does not matter where people live. There simply
''It really is a great opportunity to make relatively easy money with
little cost to you. I followed the simple instructions carefully and
within 10 days the money started to come in. My FREEDOM !

If you have any questions of the legality of this program, contact the
Office of Associate Director for Marketing Practices, Federal Trade
Commission, Bureau of Consumer Protection, Washington, D.C.

Editing Should Be Left To Editiors (1)

Real World Stuff (561780) | more than 12 years ago | (#3072593)

Posted by michael on Tuesday February 26, @02:56PM
from the fate-of-the-Free-world-at-stake dept.
A little fairy whispered in our ear: "MySQL AB is

michael A little fairy on Tuesday February 26, @02:56PM violated the-Free-world
by seeking final release in our ear . a from the fate-of--at-stake dept.
whispered : "MySQL AB is temporary injunction against NuSphere, even though they've ly d the

redistribute when they violated #3 by not providing the source code originally. The FSF will testify court, according to this Newsforge article." Newsforge and Slashdot are both part of OSDN. We've done a couple of previous stories about the MySQL AB vs. Nusphere conflict: the original story, a follow-up, and a note about a countersuit.

Irate Rod, Guru in OZ

Re:Editing Should Be Left To Editiors (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081683)

Uh no you need to clean that up a little bit

Re:Editing Should Be Left To Editiors (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081756)

That was a troll btw

Added to Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081805)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

I never would have guessed (1)

Real World Stuff (561780) | more than 12 years ago | (#3072652)

inDC MOTORS
Scott Permanent Magnet Motors
Scott motors are about the best and most efficient motors you can find at reasonable prices for light electric motorcycles, Electrathon vehicles, scooters, and general inductrial applications. Reliability is higher than seperately excited field motors due to fewer electronic parts and no possibility of shorting out the field. They operate more efficiently at lower speed control than seperately excited field motors as well, and produce more horsepower in a smaller, lighter motor. Horsepower ratings on these motors is the nominal rating at the motors most efficient operation. Each motor can deliver considerably higher HP for intermittant periods during actual use. You can find diagrams and torque curves of these motors by clicking on the motor model number link.
4BB-02488 24 VDC, 1 HP continuous, 3,000 rpm, 41 amps,16 lbs $ 250
4BC-01605 24 VDC, 1 HP 1800 rpm, 40 amps, 22.5 lbs, 35.75lb/in trq.
special order item - minimum quantities may apply $ 240
Five Star 24 VDC, 1.6 HP continuous, 2,800 rpm, 60 amps)* $ 450
4BD-1460 24 VDC, 4 HP, 3,600 rpm, (special order item) $ 420
* Note the Five Star motor replaces the 4BC-02775. It's physical dimentions are the same as the 02775, but operating characteristics are reported to be improved over the 02775 for EV applications.

Curtis PMC Motor Speed Controllers (mosfet, pulse width modulated) for DC motors

Item Volt range Amp (max) Amp
continuous Weight Price
1204-101 24-36 175 75 5# $260
1204-001 24-36 275 125 5# $305
1205-201 36-48 350 150 7# $485
1209B-4602 48-72 400 175 11# $670
1221C-7401 72-120 400 150 13# $750
1231C-8601 96-144 500 225 19# $1,095

Pot Boxes (Throttle Controls)
PB-5 0-5000 ohm potentiometer in stainless
steel case with calibrated lever $ 60
PB-6 Same as PB-5 but with microswitch
mounted on case $ 70

Cable, Wire
WC-4 #4 Battery (welding) cable $ 1.45/ft
BC-6 #6 Battery cable $ 1.00/ft

Lugs
Minimum order of 20 peices each for cable lugs
unless purchased as part of a kit.
91-020 Lugs, #6 cable with 5/16" hole $.75/each
91-025 Lugs, #4 cable with 5/16" hole $.75/each

Irate Rod, Guru in OZ

How to Remove Linux and Install Windows (1)

Real World Stuff (561780) | more than 12 years ago | (#3072701)

How to Remove Linux and Install Windows on Your Computer (Q247804)

The information in this article applies to:

Microsoft Windows 2000 , Advanced Server
Microsoft Windows 2000 , Datacenter Server
Microsoft Windows 2000 , Professional
Microsoft Windows 2000 , Server
Microsoft Windows NT Server version 4.0
Microsoft Windows NT Workstation version 4.0

For a Microsoft Windows XP version of this article, see Q314458 .

SUMMARY
This article describes how you can remove the Linux operating system from your computer, and install a Windows operating system. This article also assumes that Linux is already installed on the hard disk using Linux native and Linux swap partitions, which are incompatible with the Windows operating system, and that there is no free space left on the drive.

Windows and Linux can coexist on the same computer. For additional information, refer to your Linux documentation.

MORE INFORMATION
To install Windows on a system that has Linux installed when you want to remove Linux, you must manually delete the partitions used by the Linux operating system. The Windows-compatible partition can be created automatically during the installation of the Windows operating system.

IMPORTANT : Before you follow the steps in this article, verify that you have a bootable disk or bootable CD-ROM for the Linux operating system, because this process completely removes the Linux operating system installed on your computer. If you intend to restore the Linux operating system at a later date, verify that you also have a good backup of all the information stored on your computer. Also, you must have a full release version of the Windows operating system you want to install.

Linux file systems use a "superblock" at the beginning of a disk partition to identify the basic size, shape, and condition of the file system.

The Linux operating system is generally installed on partition type 83 (Linux native) or 82 (Linux swap). The Linux boot manager (LILO) can be configured to start from:

The hard disk Master Boot Record (MBR).

The root folder of the Linux partition.

The Fdisk tool included with Linux can be used to delete the partitions. (There are other utilities that work just as well, such as Fdisk from MS-DOS 5.0 and later, or you can delete the partitions during the installation process.) To remove Linux from your computer and install Windows:
Remove native, swap, and boot partitions used by Linux:

Start your computer with the Linux setup floppy disk, type fdisk at the command prompt, and then press ENTER.

NOTE : For help using the Fdisk tool, type m at the command prompt, and then press ENTER.

Type p at the command prompt, and then press ENTER to display partition information. The first item listed is hard disk 1, partition 1 information, and the second item listed is hard disk 1, partition 2 information.

Type d at the command prompt, and then press ENTER. You are then prompted for the partition number you want to delete. Type 1 , and then press ENTER to delete partition number 1. Repeat this step until all the partitions have been deleted.

Type w , and then press ENTER to write this information to the partition table. Some error messages may be generated as information is written to the partition table, but they should not be significant at this point because the next step is to restart the computer and then install the new operating system.

Type q at the command prompt, and then press ENTER to quit the Fdisk tool.

Insert either a bootable floppy disk or a bootable CD-ROM for the Windows operating system on your computer, and then press CTRL+ALT+DELETE to restart your computer.

Install Windows. Follow the installation instructions for the Windows operating system you want to install on your computer. The installation process assists you with creating the appropriate partitions on your computer.

Examples of Linux Partition Tables
Single SCSI drive
Device Boot Start End Blocks Id System
/dev/sda1 * 1 500 4016218 83 Linux native (SCSI hard drive 1, partition 1)
/dev/sda2 501 522 176715 82 Linux swap (SCSI hard drive 1, partition 2)
Multiple SCSI drives
Device Boot Start End Blocks Id System
/dev/sda1 * 1 500 4016218 83 Linux native (SCSI hard drive 1, partition 1)
/dev/sda2 501 522 176715 82 Linux swap (SCSI hard drive 1, partition 2)
/dev/sdb1 1 500 4016218 83 Linux native (SCSI hard drive 2, partition 1)
Single IDE drive
Device Boot Start End Blocks Id System
/dev/hda1 * 1 500 4016218 83 Linux native (IDE hard drive 1, partition 1)
/dev/hda2 501 522 176715 82 Linux swap (IDE hard drive 1, partition 2)
Multiple IDE drives
Device Boot Start End Blocks Id System
/dev/hda1 * 1 500 4016218 83 Linux native (IDE hard drive 1, partition 1)
/dev/hda2 501 522 176715 82 Linux swap (IDE hard drive 1, partition 2)
/dev/hdb1 1 500 4016218 83 Linux native (IDE hard drive 2, partition 1)
Also, Linux recognizes more than forty different partition types, such as:
FAT 12 (Type 01)

FAT 16 > 32 M Primary (Type 06)

FAT 16 Extended (Type 05)

FAT 32 w/o LBA Primary (Type 0b)

FAT 32 w/LBA Primary (Type 0c)

FAT 16 w/LBA (Type 0e)

FAT 16 w/LBA Extended (Type 0f)

Note that there are other ways to remove the Linux operating system and install Windows than the one mentioned above. The preceding method is used in this article because the Linux operating system is already functioning and there is no more room on the hard disk. There are methods of changing partition sizes with software. Microsoft does not support Windows installed on partitions manipulated in this manner.

Another method of removing an operating system from the hard disk and installing a different operating system is to use an MS-DOS version 5.0 or later boot disk, a Windows 95 Startup disk, or a Windows 98 Startup disk that contains the Fdisk utility. Run the Fdisk utility. If you have multiple drives, there are 5 choices; use option 5 to select the hard disk that has the partition to be deleted. After that, or if you have only one hard disk, choose option 3 ("Delete partition or logical DOS drive"), and then choose option 4 ("Delete non-DOS partition"). You should then see the non-DOS partitions you want to delete. Typically, the Linux operating system has two non-DOS partitions, but there may be more. After you delete one partition, use the same steps to delete any other appropriate non-DOS partitions.

After the partitions are deleted, you can create partitions and install the operating system you want. You can only create one primary partition and an extended partition with multiple logical drives by using Fdisk from MS-DOS version 5.0 and later, Windows 95, and Windows 98. The maximum FAT16 primary partition size is 2 gigabytes (GB). The largest FAT16 logical drive size is 2 GB. For additional information, click the article number below to view the article in the Microsoft Knowledge Base:
Q105074 MS-DOS 6.2 Partitioning Questions and Answers
If you are installing Windows NT 4.0 or Windows 2000, the Linux partitions can be removed and new partitions created and formatted with the appropriate file system type during the installation process. Windows allows you to create more than one primary partition. The largest partition that Windows NT 4.0 allows you to create during installation is 4 GB because of the limitations of the FAT16 file system during installation. Also, the 4-GB partitions use 64-KB cluster sizes. MS-DOS 6.x and Windows 95 or Windows 98 do not recognize 64-KB cluster file systems, so this file system is usually converted to NTFS during installation. Windows 2000, unlike Windows NT 4.0, recognizes the FAT32 file system. During the installation of Windows 2000, you can create a very large FAT32 drive. The FAT32 drive can be converted to NTFS after the installation has completed if appropriate.

Re:How to Remove Linux and Install Windows (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081697)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

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Hard Rock Cafe Switches from Linux to Windows 2000 (1)

Real World Stuff (561780) | more than 12 years ago | (#3072804)

Published: May 2001

Switching from Linux and Apache to Microsoft® Windows® 2000 enabled Hard Rock Cafe to easily build a sophisticated and full-featured intranet, which the company is using to facilitate all areas of its business. In the year since the switch, the powerful tools provided with the Microsoft platform have enabled the company to develop a wide range of useful applications with just two developers, resulting in lower internal costs and improving the company's ability to communicate with employees across its 50+ corporate-owned cafes. Every Hard Rock Café employee using the intranet now enjoys a customized start page, providing easy access to the relevant tools and information needed to do their jobs.

Solution Overview

Customer Profile
Hard Rock Café International is a $400 million entertainment company and a wholly owned subsidiary of London-based Rank PLC.

Business Situation
The company's heterogeneous environment based on Sun Solaris, Oracle, WebObjects, Lotus Notes, and NetWare was difficult to maintain, and required the company to rely on expensive, hard to find external expertise. This was resulting in higher costs and the inability to keep its Web site up and running.

Solution
By switching to the Microsoft® platform, Hard Rock Café was able to reduce its total cost of ownership and increase its ability to deliver the new applications that will improve the company's efficiency.

Software and Services
Microsoft Windows® 2000 Advanced Server

Microsoft Internet Information Services 5.0

Microsoft SQL Server(TM) 7.0 Enterprise Edition

Scenario
Intranet

Company Overview

Founded in 1971, Hard Rock Cafe International has grown into a $400 million entertainment company that embodies the spirit of rock music through its signature cafes, hotels and casinos, collectible and fashion merchandise, live concerts and performance venues, and the Hard Rock Records music label. A wholly-owned subsidiary of London-based Rank PLC, Hard Rock Cafe International operates or franchises 104 signature Cafes in more than 36 countries, providing visitors around the world with a unique experience that combines food and merchandise with the largest collection of rock memorabilia on the planet.

Situation

Until recently, Hard Rock Cafe had a mixed IT environment consisting of Sun Solaris, Novell NetWare, and Lotus Notes, with the company's intranet consisting of an Intel-based server running Linux and Apache. Although the IT group had a large number of intranet applications it needed to develop, their Linux-based platform made this extremely difficult and time-consuming. "The Linux-based intranet consisted of a few simple applications that two developers had built--looking up a phone number, browsing imported POS logs, and paging a support technician--with everyone sharing the same password," said Rob Conti, manager of network services for Hard Rock Café. "We wanted to offer additional Web-based applications for accessing detailed financial data and communicating with our stores, but the lack of security and functionality in the Linux platform meant we would have to develop everything from scratch. That made these initiatives just too cost-prohibitive to pursue on the Linux platform."

Solution

In March 2000, Hard Rock Café standardized on the Microsoft platform to lower its total cost of ownership. This included converting the company's Internet site from Solaris to Windows 2000, migrating the company's mail and messaging solution from Lotus Notes to Exchange 2000, and consolidating the company's four NetWare-based file and print servers onto a single server running Windows 2000.

Hard Rock Café also migrated its intranet server to Windows 2000. It still resides on a single Intel-based server, now running Windows 2000 Server with Internet Information Services 5.0 and SQL Server(TM) 7.0. In each restaurant, five or six PCs running Windows 2000 Professional and Microsoft Internet Explorer are used to access the intranet.

"The Microsoft platform has enabled us to achieve far greater functionality than we ever dreamed, both for our public Web site and our corporate intranet. Since we migrated to Windows 2000, we've been able to rapidly deliver the tools and applications needed to support our business and reduce costs."

Ron Ward
Sr. Director, IT and Internet
Hard Rock Café International

Since migrating to the Microsoft platform, Hard Rock Cafe has enjoyed the ability to easily build and deploy new intranet applications that assist users throughout the company with doing their daily jobs. "The Microsoft platform has enabled us to achieve far greater functionality than we ever dreamed, both for our public Web site and our corporate intranet," said Ron Ward, senior director of IT and Internet for Hard Rock Café. "Since we migrated to Windows 2000, we've been able to rapidly deliver the tools and applications needed to reduce costs and streamline the way we do business."

To create the extensive functionality now enjoyed across the company, Hard Rock Café developers used the Visual Studio® 6.0 development system. "The power of the integrated tools provided in the Microsoft platform was one of the key reasons we decided to use it as the foundation for our new corporate intranet," said Conti. "We've only had two developers working on our intranet--the same number we had working on the Linux platform--and the Microsoft platform has enabled them deliver upwards of 50 applications over the last year. We're definitely getting more results for our development dollars now. Not only have we been able to implement a great deal more functionality, but the Microsoft platform has been much easier to administer and maintain, requiring almost no effort at all. "

Every user accessing the Hard Rock Café intranet now enjoys a personalized start page based on their role in the organization, and designed to help them do their jobs as efficiently as possible. "When a user logs in, they're now presented with a customized start page that provides links to all the functionality they're permitted to access," said Conti. "User profiles and permissions are managed using another intranet application we developed, and are stored in the SQL Server 7.0 database. This was much easier to develop on Windows 2000 than it would have been under Linux, again due to the extensive core functionality provided in the Microsoft platform."

"Not only have we been able to implement a great deal more functionality, but the Microsoft platform has been much easier to administer and maintain, requiring almost no effort at all."

Rob Conti
Manager of Network Services
Hard Rock Café International

With the new platform, the company has been able to rapidly develop applications that improve the efficiency of the company's core business--food, entertainment and merchandising. "With the Microsoft platform, we've been able to build tools and applications to lower costs and assist with just about every part of our business," said Conti. "In the past, new menus required sending a large amount of materials to all our stores--recipes, food display guidelines, and so on. Now that we can do this via our intranet, we're saving upwards of $20,000 per year for just this one task. We've also developed a wealth of other applications, for everything ranging from gift certificate management to souvenir merchandise catalogs. We've even built a tool to control the functionality of our Cisco-based video playback system, which we're now running in some of our cafes."

Migrating to the Microsoft platform has also enabled Hard Rock Café to take advantage of the wide range of third-party applications available for Windows 2000. "We deployed a solution from Business Intelligence Solution Group, called intelligentScorecard(TM), to provide business managers throughout the company with easy access to the information needed to run their area of the business," said Ward. "It consolidates information from systems across the company into a centralized data warehouse and gives us the ability to define and monitor key performance indicators on a real-time basis. Each café manager sees the relevant indicators directly on their personalized intranet start page, and can easily drill down to investigate the information behind the numbers. We never would have been able to deploy something like this with Linux."

"We've only had two developers working on our intranet--the same number we had working on the Linux platform--and the Microsoft platform has enabled them deliver upwards of 50 applications over the last year. We're definitely getting more results for our development dollars now."

Rob Conti
Manager of Network Services
Hard Rock Café International

Moving Forward With Microsoft

Now that Hard Rock Café has built an extensive intranet to service its 50+ corporate-owned cafes, the company is planning on deploying an extranet that will service its 50+ franchise locations. "We'll be able to communicate all the corporate standards for menu items and merchandise by basically cloning our existing Intranet server--just leaving out the financial reporting tools," said Conti. "This will allow our franchisees to enjoy all the benefits of the functionality we've developed for internal use, and will aid them in achieving the same high standards that we demand of our corporate-owned cafes."

The .NET Enterprise Servers are Microsoft's comprehensive family of server applications for building, deploying and managing next generation integrated Web experiences that move beyond today's world of standalone Web sites. Designed with mission-critical performance in mind, .NET Enterprise Servers will provide fast time to market as well as scalability, reliability and manageability for the global, Web-enabled enterprise. They have been built from the ground up for interoperability using open Web standards such as XML. The .NET Enterprise Servers are a key part of Microsoft's broader .NET strategy, which will enable a distributed computing model for the Internet based on Internet protocols and standards in order to revolutionize the way computers talk to one another on our behalf.

Added to Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081673)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

The Troll Library is **DYING** (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3075793)

That is all I have to say. BITCHES

Added to Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081850)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

public service announcement / troll (-1)

Mode0x13 (550144) | more than 12 years ago | (#3075817)

We all know that "trolling" is a disease. It increases the signal to noise ratio of discussions. It annoys users who have something informative to say. And it exposes readers to goatsex, homosexuality, and frighteningly deviant behavior. However, that is not all.


Many of the most obsessive trolls want their work to be seen. These sad, lonely souls want to create a disturbance, ANY disturbance, in the small world of slashdot. Hence trolling relies on a cheap, easy source of karma for "dummy accounts." Some of these are "karma burn" accounts that are used to post offensive material with a +2 bonus, exposing more people to the troll. Some are even used to mod up fellow trolls.


The obvious solution, of course, is "karma whoring," the practice of making insipid, cravenly conformist comments to please the moderators. Who would spend months polishing an account, posting thoughtful and informative comments, only to throw it away on goatsex and gibberish? No: for these "trollers," whoring themselves out is the only possible way to get the karma they so desperately need.


I used to think that the editors were arrogant and hypocritical. Their policy in the discussion groups seemed to stifle creativity and intellectual freedom. But now I see why their policies are needed. The trolls are destroying slashdot. Post by post, line by line, they are driving away the readers who created this site. Now, karma whores push aside teenage brainiacs. The goatse man drives away RMS and his wholesome essays.


Who is your typical troll? A teenage loser, probably gay, who whiles away the day at slashdot, hoping to impress losers even more pathetic than himself. Responsible readers of the site should not be exposed to this filth. Most trolls are neither clever nor funny. They look like what they are: the crude efforts of frustrated children. Long live moderation.



- Mode 13 hex

Added to Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081710)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

n/t (-1)

Mode0x13 (550144) | more than 12 years ago | (#3075858)

I'd just like to say a few words about my identity as an American. I am a citizen of the richest, most powerful nation on earth. We invented cars, steel, airplanes, and the atomic bomb. These facts alone make us far superior to such nations as France and Belgium, whose only claims to fame are puffy pastry, wooden shoes, and venereal disease. And as for Africa and Asia... I'm not even going to GO THERE, unless the plane I'm driving is the ENOLA GAY.


So when I see a discussion such as this, it really makes me wonder. People take democracy, world peace, equal treatment under the law, and scientific progress for granted. Callow teenagers sit and write angst-filled anti-american screeds, while enjoying material prosperity and spiritual freedom beneath the sheltering wings of the american eagle.


It is unthinkable that we should allow the law to shield the subversives who are even now undermining the moral foundations of this great country. So I say: let the dissenters be gathered up, and shipped to Canada. And then, we can nuke the whole place. It may seem harsh, but I think it is the best way. Death is the only fitting fate for the enemies of America. And Canada has been a hotbed of communist activity since before you all were born.


I think it is important that we preserve the moose population, however. This can be accomplished by skilled taxidermists.


And now I must bid you adieu. Please remember, always look both ways before you cross the street... that, and DEATH to the ENEMIES OF THE STATE!

Added to Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081723)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

one of my personal favorites (-1)

Mode0x13 (550144) | more than 12 years ago | (#3075955)

Slashdot: News for Nerds? Or Propaganda for the Impressionable?

Day in and day out, Slashdot sings the praises of "open source" software. New readers of the site must be a little puzzled to find items like "GPL Violation discovered" and "Open Source Guru Speaks" listed on the main page alongside the "straight" science and technology news. Unfortunately, few people really know what Open Source stands for. Perhaps Richard Means Stallman, one of the founders of the movement, can elucidate.


"[The GNU goal was] to be able to use a computer without using any proprietary software," [cnn.com]
declaims RMS. "Because that way, you can lead a better life." Of course, the only way to get rid of proprietary software is to destroy the software companies that produce it. One way this is accomplished is by putting software that would normally be public domain under a license RMS himself created, called the "General Public License," or "GPL." Simply put, this license allows code to be reused-- unless the final product is distributed without its source code, as a proprietary product must be.


Software is a commodity, and people will often take the cheapest product, even if they have to spend inordinate amounts of time struggling with poor documentation and clumsy user interfaces. "One of the best things I could do with my life is: find a gigantic pile of proprietary software that was a trade secret, and start handing out copies on a street corner so it wouldn't be a trade secret any more," enthuses RMS. [free-soft.org] "Perhaps that would be a much more efficient way for me to give people new free software than actually writing it myself."


Its time to stop the doubletalk and start thinking about the real meaning of intellectual property. By some measures, intellectual property is the main export of the developed countries of the world. Artists, actors, and musicians make a living off the intellectual property they produce. Programmers and engineers create designs to be sold. And journalists and writers depend on intellectual property. Ironically, the only jobs not deeply tied to intellectual property are the jobs many slashdot readers affect to despise, like service workers, menial laborers, and administrators. If slashdot readers cant stomach Scott McNealy, maybe they would prefer to work with Ronald McDonald. From the other side of the fast food counter.


Not everyone enjoys working at a menial job in the day, simply in order to slave away at poorly organized programming projects. Not everyone enjoys being told that he has the "freedom" to work, without pay, for a small clique of free software partisans. It is one thing to oppose microsofts monopoly on the desktop, and the RIAA's slow strangulation of fair use rights. It is quite another to embrace a whole economic and political ideology that centers around the exploitation of childlike programming savants.


This message is not a troll, although many slashdot readers may take it as such. It is simply a warning to users to think carefully before they blindly follow the political lead of Rob Malda, Jon Katz, and the like. I encourage readers to repost the text of this message, and others like it, to the supposedly "free" message boards of slashdot and other sites.


Peace out, and God bless.

Added to Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081743)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

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LiNSux: the collector's edition (-1)

Mode0x13 (550144) | more than 12 years ago | (#3075976)

Despite all of the witty rhetoric and insightful commentary on this site, many of the readers have lost touch with one important fact. What is it, you ask? Well...


Frankly, LINUX SUCKS. It is the buggiest, most unstable operating system ever created for IBM PC (c). It is not hard to see why.


Most linux developers lost their saving throw versus pathetic nerddom a long time ago. You'll find them huddled in their parent's basements, living on candy bars and Captain runch. You wouldn't let these feebleminded boys ow your lawn, so why should you allow them to design your operating system?


Look at the calender, people. The year is 2002, not 1979. Nerdly losers are, well, losers. There will be no golden pocket protectors for this decade's foul crop. Distributing your source code for free is just an indication that you realize how much it sucks, have accepted the aforementioned suckage, and are moving on to your next job at Denny's.


However, misery loves company (unless it's the company le miserable in question used to work for.) Hence, the open source "headmen" spread fear and hate through their communistic followers. They are merely trying to get revenge on their smarter, cleaner, colleagues, who are weathering the economic downturn. Make no mistake. When slashdot calls for the downfall of Blizzard or Microsoft, it is not because these companies are "unfree," it's because their very existence mocks the stale dreams of the would be "'leetists." It's nerd against nerd. What a sad, sad spectacle.


But there is something you can do about it. Visit your local computer store today and buy a licensed copy of Windows XP, the most innovative operating system ever created. It's hard to get help when your operating system is created by a bunch of teenagers who can't even match their socks or get a date. But when you're using Windows XP, customer service will gladly help you with any problem you may encounter. Not only that, but you'll be in the company of scientists, engineers, administrators, and everyone else who just doesn't give a fuck about configuring his /etc/fstab. Remember, linux is only "free" if your time is of no value. Also, linux is only secure if your computer is not connected to the internet. Give up your futile, sexually repellent nerdisms and return to the company that started it all.

Added to Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081838)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

Please post this crap everywhere! THX! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3076147)

A single sheet of paper comes out of the fax machine, face down.

CmdrTaco stares at the bulletin board, his face suddenly changes. He leans in for a closer look at the message board. He squints. First a look of puzzlement, then confusion - finally realization.

The coffee cup tumbles from his hand. It hits the floor with the smash of cheap porcelain. Coffee splatters everywhere. He stares not at what is on the page, but at the page itself. He follows the posts, reads them line by line. A multitude of uninteresting crap adorns the page. But as his eyes scan towards the bottom of the page. The subject jumps out at him suddenly: SHITHOLE - HOLLAND, MICHIGAN. CmdrTaco runs for the door of the server room in an effort to catch Gerbil.

---

CmdrTaco: WHERE IS HE? DID YOU SEE HIM?
CowboyNeal: The troll? He went that way. (Gesturing outside)

Meanwhile, on the street. The man we have known as 'Gerbil' is limping away. He pulls out a ciggarette, and lights it, smiling to himself. A car pulls up, and in an instant. The man who pissed on slashdot is gone.

Added to Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081899)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

Taking one for the team (1)

flikx (191915) | more than 12 years ago | (#3076163)

Here's one for ya:

I wrote this a while ago. Gives whole new meaning to the term crapflood. (And dammit, it's not a true story.)

-----
There it lay.. a thing of beauty. Little puddles of water shimmered on the surface, and small shapes of moonlight reflected off the soft yellow form of the toilet. I stood back and admired my work as the roaches scurried about. Then it hit me... I'm going to die for my sin.

Allow me to explain what has transpired here tonight .. the fall into madness that leaves me here in this severely disturbed state, in this bathroom... the daemons which torment my poor soul on this awful night... My gaze settles on the creeping mold behind the toilet as the dank room blurs out of view.

--
It was earlier in the evening. I had just finished getting dressed. The rented tux was stiff and uncomfortable, not to mention expensive. The happiest night of my sixteen years of life was about to take place. It was almost 8:00, and she was going to be there soon. I couldn't wait to go to the prom.

Jen was an interesting girl, generic though interesting in many ways. She wasn't the prettiest girl in my history class, but she was the only one willing to go out with someone like myself. She was only in ninth grade, though she was not much younger than me. The relationship between Jen and I was not as important as how this night was going to go.

My parents were upstairs yelling and fighting next to my room as the doorbell rang. I jumped off my bed and ran downstairs. As I threw open the door, the biggest ogre I've ever known was at the door. He lived a few houses down, and he has bullied me since I was in second grade. I looked around his massive hulk to see his large, noisy, black chevy nova idling in my driveway. I did a double take as I saw Jen sitting in the passenger seat, looking in the mirror and primping. She looked down a little bit and our eyes met for a split second. She gave me a wry smile and a little wave, then glanced away. It was obvious that she was not going to be my date this night.

I sat in the garage and cried for an hour or so, sitting on a large sack of cement mix. Fine powder had poured out of a small tear in the bag, my tears mixed with the powder on the floor. This gave me an idea. I grabbed the wheelbarrow in the corner of the garage and loaded up the materials for my dirty deed.

Nobody was home at Jason's house, the big brute had my date ... but I was going to have my revenge. I kicked down the back door and dragged all the stuff upstairs to the bathroom near his room. There I went to work, mixing the thick concrete in his dingy toilet like a bowl of slowly petrifying hot grits. My foul, evil mixture began to harden as the night passed. Soon, all the toilets, sinks and bathtubs in the house had suffered the same fate. Even the mighty washing machine was filled with the thick stone. I prayed to god that this act of pure evil would free me from the daemons that laughed at me, the same horrible trolls that forced me to commit this terrible crime. I chuckled to myself as I imagined that cretinistic moose lugging a concrete filled toilet down a flight of stairs. I hoped that he'd break his fucking spine...

... but me. Was I going to live to see the sun rise in the morning?

Added to Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081821)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

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You too, huh? [Troll Library Submission] (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3076321)

It's kind of funny that this was brought up today; it reminds me of something that I was just discussing with a friend not too long ago. It seems that back in the late 1800's in America (I mention this for those /.ers who don't happen to live in the U.S.) there was this saloon in the West that was kind of a run-down, ramshackle joint that was frequented by a few loyal patrons and not too many others. I think it was California, but it could have been Oregon or someplace similar -- well, the location isn't really relevant to the story but if you're really interested you might be able to dig a bit on Google to find out. Basically, while the saloon didn't go out of its way to publicize itself to out-of-towners (not much point given that it was in a fairly remote area) it managed to do a fairly steady trade despite the occasional brawl that caused property damage and the persistent requests from a particular fellow for free drinks.

More nights than not, the proprietor of the saloon would watch this drunk come wandering in through the doors, sit down, and lay a line on him about how he's trying to pull things together and how he'd just make enough to keep himself in beans and couldn't the bartender just pour him a shot or two to fuzz the edges and whatnot. And again, more nights than not, the bartender would take pity on the poor guy and pull out the whiskey.

Now, this went on for some time, and while the bartender was an easy mark even he had his limit. So one night, after the bartender already gave the fellow three shots on the house, he decides to cut the guy off.

"Look," he says, "while I'm really sorry to hear that things still aren't working out for you I don't think that I can keep giving you free drinks. I've got to make ends meet too, you know."

So the drunk says, "I don't suppose you've got anything I can do to get another drink tonight?"

The proprietor, not particularly wanting the fellow to hang around all night and certainly not expecting him to take him up on his proposition, says "Well, you see that spittoon over there? If you take a swig out of that I suppose I could give you a drink to wash it down."

No sooner did he finish his last sentence than the drunk walked over to the spittoon and hefted it off of the floor. Before the bartender could stop him, the fellow put the rim to his lips, tipped the bottom of the metal container up into the air, and began to swallow. To the bartender's dismayal, the guy continued to slowly chug the thick contents of the spittoon. When he had finally gulped the final remnants of the container, he threw it to the ground, wiped off his lips with his shirt cuff, and gagged, "So, do I get the drink?"

"You can have the bottle!" exclaimed the bartender, immediately pouring the first shot. "But tell me, why did you swallow the whole damn thing? You only needed to swig it to earn the drink."

The drunk replies: "It was all one long string."

Added to Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081864)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

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the incident with the bird (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3077814)

O>
( \
X
8===D

The Giver (-1)

LunchLady (555057) | more than 12 years ago | (#3079006)

::===....111111..=.............111111.111.88M.X88X 0088;8%8/%%80000++%%
::==........111111. .. .. .. 1.......1..188X:800000080+++888%%00008+++
:=....11......111111111111..111.1.11...=8X:.888800 88X/0M88%00800088+++
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I like monkeys (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3079186)

I like monkeys.


I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece. I thought that odd since they were normally a couple thousand. I decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. I bought 200. I like monkeys.

I took my 200 monkeys home. I have a big car. I let one drive. His name was Sigmund. He was retarded. In fact, none of them were really bright. They kept punching themselves in their genitals. I laughed. Then they punched my genitals. I stopped laughing.

I herded them into my room. They didn't adapt very well to their new environment. They would screech, hurl themselves off of the couch at high speeds and slam into the wall. Although humorous at first, the spectacle lost its novelty halfway into its third hour.

Two hours later I found out why all the monkeys were so inexpensive: they all died. No apparent reason. They all just sorta' dropped dead. Kinda' like when you buy a goldfish and it dies five hours later. Damn cheap monkeys.

I didn't know what to do. There were 200 dead monkeys lying all over my room, on the bed, in the dresser, hanging from my bookcase. It looked like I had 200 throw rugs.

I tried to flush one down the toilet. It didn't work. It got stuck. Then I had one dead, wet monkey and 199 dead, dry monkeys.

I tried pretending that they were just stuffed animals. That worked for a while, that is until they began to decompose. It started to smell real bad.

I had to pee but there was a dead monkey in the toilet and I didn't want to call the plumber. I was embarrassed.

I tried to slow down the decomposition by freezing them. Unfortunately, there was only enough room for two monkeys at a time so I had to change them every 30 seconds. I also had to eat all the food in the freezer so it didn't all go bad.

I tried burning them. Little did I know my bed was flammable. I had to extinguish the fire.

Then I had one dead, wet monkey in my toilet, two dead, frozen monkeys in my freezer, and 197 dead, charred monkeys in a pile on my bed. The odor wasn't improving.

I became agitated at my inability to dispose of my monkeys and to use the bathroom. I severely beat one of my monkeys. I felt better.

I tried throwing them away but the garbage man said that the city was not allowed to dispose of charred primates. I told him that I had a wet one. He couldn't take that one either. I didn't bother asking about the frozen ones.

I finally arrived at a solution. I gave them out as Christmas gifts. My friends didn't know quite what to say. They pretended that they like them, but I could tell they were lying. Ingrates. So I punched them in the genitals.

I like monkeys.

Re:I like monkeys (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081880)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

WOW I never knew a service like this existed! (0)

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Quit Slashdot FAQ (-1)

Carp Flounderson (542291) | more than 12 years ago | (#3079622)

Q: Isn't it okay to just read Slashdot for the links?
A: No. Reading Slashdot for the links is like having "just one hit" off the crack pipe. Anyway, many news sites have superior links.

Q: Are spinoffs that use the Slash code or lookalikes (such as dot.kde.org and nanodot.org) okay?
A: Yes. The bulletin board software written by the Slash crew is actually pretty nice (from the user's point of view, at least). I never disputed the Perl hacking skill of the Slashdot creators. My objections are to the editors' taste, the site's ugly visual design, and the Slashdot community's raging stupidity.

Q: Isn't reading Slashdot at least better than reading Usenet?
A: No. A moderated Usenet newsgroup like comp.lang.c++.moderated has a higher signal-to-noise ratio than even Slashdot with a threshold of 4 or 5. An unmoderated Usenet newsgroup like rec.arts.sf.written, given that your newsreader supports filtering, has both more civility than Slashdot with a threshold of 0 and more diversity of views than Slashdot with a threshold of +1. Additionally, newsreaders are much more efficient with bandwidth than any web-based forum system, including Slashdot, and are archived (or were, until recently) in well-indexed form at Deja (now Google Groups).

Q: If I don't read Slashdot, who will share interesting links with me, and with whom will I discuss the interesting links I find?
A: If you don't have friends with whom to share links and conversation, you have social problems and you should confront them instead of joining a cultlike pseudo-community. If you have too much free time and can't think of a better way to spend it than reading Slashdot, you need a hobby, a job, or both.

Q: Slashdot has a huge community and a constantly updated front page. You're one person with one static web page. How can you expect to win?
I don't see it in those terms. Basically, at any given time, most people in the world are wasting time. You can't solve the whole world's problems. But if we can turn back even one of those people---if even one person decides to quit Slashdot and do something productive---then that's a victory, however small.

Q: Why do you hate Rob and Hemos?
I don't hate Rob and Hemos. I don't even know Rob and Hemos. I'm sure they're nice guys, and in our brief e-mail exchanges they've both been polite. It's just that (a) I don't like their taste as editors, and (b) the Slashdot community's horrible taste tends to dominate your Slashdot reader experience, overwhelming whatever judgment the Slashdot founders exercise anyway.

Added to Troll Library (-1)

RoboTroll (560160) | more than 12 years ago | (#3081914)

Dear Troll,

We are plesed to inform you that, after careful consideration, we have accepted your troll into the Troll Library [slashdot.org] .

You show a masterful skill at trolling.

Thank you for your time and your contribution.

Top Nine Reasons to Quit Slashdot.org (-1)

Carp Flounderson (542291) | more than 12 years ago | (#3079644)

#9. Slashdot is a plot by Microsoft to destroy the productivity of Linux users.

I have friends who were once tremendously productive programmers, until they started reading Slashdot. Then, the endless stream of links, updated a dozen times a day no less (so you don't go once a day to get your fix; instead, you keep a window open and hit reload every twenty minutes or so), steadily seduced them, until they eventually became babbling idiots, dribbling saliva from the corners of their mouths, ranting on the forums about the relative merits of Karma Whores and Anonymous Cowards. Can there be any doubt that this website is anything other than a nefarious ploy to destroy Linux by undermining the productivity of its developers? And is there any organization that would like to destroy Linux more than Microsoft? (Well, maybe the Santa Cruz Operation...) Is it any coincidence that just as the Feds were working out Microsoft's sentence, Microsoft sued Slashdot, resulting in a firestorm of geek ire that totally overshadowed the monopoly ruling?

#8. Screaming 14-year-old boys attempting to prove to each other that they are more 3133t than j00.

Need I say more?

#7. Technical opinions refereed by popular vote means lousy technical opinions.

Before the Internet, a certain breed of deconstructionists had a lot of fun telling everybody that "privileging of dominant paradigms" was wrecking the world. The Internet has taught us that privileging certain views is absolutely crucial to avoid drowning in the ravings of idiots. On Slashdot, many articles discuss technical issues---but comments are refereed by popular vote, and even though the populace of Slashdot readers knows somewhat more than your average set of people off the street, they still tend to promote (as in "moderate up") a lot of technical nonsense. Reading Slashdot can therefore often be worse than useless, especially to young and budding programmers: it can give you exactly the wrong idea about the technical issues it raises.

The pre-Internet publishing world had magazines, newspapers, and journals with editors. Respectable publications hired qualified editors. Those qualified editors were educated enough to make intelligent decisions about the quality of content. The Slashdot model removes the editors and substitutes popular vote, and the result (unfortunately) is that the quality level becomes incredibly inconsistent. It was an interesting experiment; it didn't work, not for Slashdot (though it might work in some other population of users). Too bad. Now, it's time to quit.

#6. Community myth that Linux is technically superior to any other operating system in the known universe.

People who do operating systems research, of course, think this is a joke. Dissent from this view in Slashdot, however, and you'd better be wearing your asbestos fatigues.

#5. Butt-ugly visual design.

Of course, this one's a matter of taste. However, in my analysis, the visual elements of the Slashdot site are basically hopelessly confused and wrong. From the cryptic links in the left margin, to the drop-shadowed graphics (hello, digital design cliche circa 1994?), to the offensively lousy color scheme (let's use circuit board green, because it's "News for Nerds", right?) I can't find much to like about the design of Slashdot.

#4. Gullible editorial staff continues to post links to any and all articles that vaguely criticize Linux in any way.

Blowhards (like the flock of irresponsible columnists over at the Windows-boosterism rag InfoWorld) have had tons of fun taking advantage of this tendency to drive hits to their site. On any given day, Slashdot readers are treated to another link to another column by another self-proclaimed pundit declaring that Linux is (pick one) unreliable, not scalable, not user-friendly, doomed, piracy-inducing, foul-smelling, or un-American. And irony was that the editors of Slashdot are falling right into the pundits' trap: inciting the Slashdot community is the one surefire way to drive up your hit count and hence your revenue from ad banners. Did the Slashdot editors ever wise up? Not that I ever saw. Given how tiresome the endless pro-Linux jihad had become by the time I quit, I have very little desire to go back and find out whether that's changed.

#3. Gullible editorial staff continues to post links to bogus pseudoscience articles by crackpots.

At the time I quit, the editors were posting links to theories of alternate consciousness, unified theories of the universe made up by people in their garages, and the like at a rate of two or three a week. And the number was only increasing. If I want to read articles that promote totally bogus pseudoscience, I'll open up the Village Voice. We don't need another webzine filling that role.

#2. Editorial/comment system pretends to be democratic but in reality most content remains firmly in the iron clasp of the editors.

The above problems with editorial could be solved if stories could be moderated as well as comments, or if editors paid attention to negative feedback about the posting of certain articles. However, the editorial staff, while pretending to be ideology-free selectors of any "interesting" content, in fact exert tremendous power over the content of the site, because they are the only ones who can select top-level links. They have furthermore demonstrated, for all the reasons above, that they cannot use this power wisely.

In fact, if you think about it, the links on Slashdot are easily an order of magnitude less interesting, on average, than those of Suck, Hotwired, or FEED---all of which are run by smart editors with good taste (and two of which are dead---thus proving that only the good die young). If you've read any of these webzines, you'll probably agree. Rob and Hemos simply don't compare, as editors, to Stephen Johnson or Joey Anuff.

So, really, it's time to ask yourself: why should I read Slashdot? Because it targets my demographic? That's a silly reason. So why not quit today?

#1. Two words: Jon Katz.

Every community has its resident gasbag. The difference between Slashdot and other communities is that they have the means to kick their village idiot off his soapbox, but they lack the will. If Jon Katz is not the single worst writer for any webzine, anywhere on the planet, alive today, then I am a penguin. His writing manages to be endlessly meandering and verbose, and simultaneously utterly content-free.

Notice, by the way, that I have not said a word about his technical acumen. It's not necessary to. Katz (who, like all opportunists, likes to paint himself as an innocent victim whenever he's criticized) makes a big deal about how there are "technical snobs" in the Linux user population who blast him for not being a technical genius. To tell the truth, Katz's inability to install even recent Linux distributions (which are arguably as easy to install as MacOS or Windows) on a run-of-the-mill x86 PC does testify to his general cluelessness. However, Katz is not a programmer or sysadmin; he's a writer. He must stand or fall based on the quality of his writing. And his writing is totally the pits. He would never have gotten published anywhere but Slashdot; even WIRED, cheerleaders of all things "digital" and "decentralized", finally got tired of his babbling and let him go. The cheesiest, most blatantly pandering "Hookers Who Read Proust" article on Salon.com displays more literary skill than the finest Katz screed ever to see the light of day.

To make things worse, Katz is also a shameless opportunist who regularly uses Slashdot to promote his books. And the Slashdot admins go right along with it. You can't criticize someone for their taste in friends, but you can criticize them for continuing in a relentless and blind nepotism that destroys the quality of the site.

No single factor wase more pivotal in driving me away from Slashdot than Jon Katz. Even when I registered for an account and filtered Katz out, still he made it into news items not labeled Jon Katz---presumably to promote sales of his book. What other webzine displays such a blatant disrespect for its readers?

But then again, Katz's pandering, one-note "Ich bin ein Geek" spiel may be exactly what the Slashdot audience deserves.

Simply put, it's time to quit Slashdot, once and for all.

Dear Sir/Madam (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3080398)

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Goat Link (-1)

LunchLady (555057) | more than 12 years ago | (#3080514)

Here's a link for all: The Link [google.com]
Copy & Paste for the good of slashdot.

A troll. Enjoy. (-1)

Dead Penis Bird (524912) | more than 12 years ago | (#3080537)

AL GORE CREATED THE INTERNET?!?

Wrong. He did not. It's a ridiculous liberal myth.

Everytime I see this fabrication, I want to vomit.

Let me quote Richard Wiggins from the peer-reviewed journal First Monday [firstmonday.dk] :

What Gore Said

Although Al Gore never claimed to have invented the Internet, he did discuss his role in Internet development in an interview with Wolf Blitzer of Cable News Network. The interview took place on March 9, 1999 during CNN's "Late Edition" show. Specifically, what Gore said was "I took the initiative in creating the Internet."

A cynic might observe that "creating the Internet" and "inventing the Internet" are tantamount to the same exaggeration. But let's look at the entire quote in the context of the colloquy with Blitzer. Here is Blitzer's entire query to Gore:

BLITZER: I want to get to some of the substance of domestic and international issues in a minute, but let's just wrap up a little bit of the politics right now.

Why should Democrats, looking at the Democratic nomination process, support you instead of Bill Bradley, a friend of yours, a former colleague in the Senate? What do you have to bring to this that he doesn't necessarily bring to this process?

Clearly, Blitzer is asking Gore to offer an explanation of how he differs as a politician from other politicians in general, and his rival at the time, Bill Bradley, in particular. Here is Gore's entire response to Blitzer's question:

GORE: Well, I will be offering - I'll be offering my vision when my campaign begins. And it will be comprehensive and sweeping. And I hope that it will be compelling enough to draw people toward it. I feel that it will be.

But it will emerge from my dialogue with the American people. I've traveled to every part of this country during the last six years. During my service in the United States Congress, I took the initiative in creating the Internet. I took the initiative in moving forward a whole range of initiatives that have proven to be important to our country's economic growth and environmental protection, improvements in our educational system.

During a quarter century of public service, including most of it long before I came into my current job, I have worked to try to improve the quality of life in our country and in our world. And what I've seen during that experience is an emerging future that's very exciting, about which I'm very optimistic, and toward which I want to lead.

Mr. Wiggins observes:

Gore's recent statement that as a member of Congress he had taken the initiative in "creating the Internet" drew hoots of laughter, especially from Republicans. Gore has long been a promoter of the Internet, but he didn't invent it. Trying to keep a straight face, Senate Majority Leader Trent Lott quickly issued a news release claiming that he invented the paper clip. This was not the first time Gore has overreached. A year ago Gore told reporters that he and his wife, Tipper, at the time when they were college sweethearts, were the inspiration for the novel "Love Story." That came as news to the befuddled author, Erich Segal.

The editorialist saw the Internet statement as part of a pattern of hype, of Gore overstating his own accomplishments. Like Lott, other politicians saw Gore's statement as fodder for ridicule. Dan Quayle took up the bait, quoted as saying, "If Gore invented the Internet, then I invented Spell-Check."

So, before you stupid Liberals and Democrats start taking credit for the Internet, just remember, It's not true!

WE NEED FOREIGN ASSISTANCE! (-1)

Carp Flounderson (542291) | more than 12 years ago | (#3080698)

COMPLIMENTS OF THE SEASON. GRACE AND PEACE ANDLOVE
FROM THIS PART OF THE ATLANTIC TO YOU. I HOPE MY
LETTER DOES NOT CAUSEYOU TOO MUCH EMBARRASSMENT AS I
WRITE TO YOU IN GOOD FAITH. BASED ON THECONTACT
ADDRESS GIVEN TO ME BY A FRIEND WHO WORKS AT THE
NIGERIAN EMBASSYIN YOUR COUNTRY. PLEASE EXCUSE MY
INTRUSION INTO YOUR PRIVATE LIFE.

I AM BARRISTER PHILIPS EMOVON, I REPRESENT MOHAMMED
ABACHA, SON OF THE LATE GEN. SANI ABACHA, WHO WAS THE
FORMER MILITARY HEAD OF STATE IN NIGERIA. HE DIED IN
1998. SINCE HIS , THE FAMILY HAS BEEN LOOSING A
LOT OF MONEY DUE TO VINDICTIVE GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS
WHO ARE BENT ON DEALING WITH THE FAMILY. BASED ON THIS
THEREFORE, THE FAMILY HAS ASKED ME TO SEEK FOR A
FOREIGN PARTNER WHO CAN WORK WITH US AS TO MOVE OUT
THE TOTAL SUM OF US$75,000,000.00 ( SEVENTYFIVE
MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS ), PRESENTLY IN THEIR
POSSESSION. THIS MONEY WAS OF COURSE, ACQUIRED BY THE
LATE PRESIDENT AND IS NOW KEPT SECRETLY BY THE FAMILY.
THE SWISS GOVERNMENT HAS ALREADY FROZEN ALL THE
ACCOUNTS OF THE FAMILY IN SWITZERLAND, AND SOME OTHER
COUNTRIES WOULD SOON FOLLOW TO DO THE SAME. THIS BID
BY SOME GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS TO DEAL WITH THIS FAMILY
HAS MADE IT NECESSARY THAT WE SEEK YOUR ASSISITANCE IN
RECEIVING THIS MONEY AND IN INVESTING IT ON BEHALF OF
THE FAMILY.

THIS MUST BE A JOINT VENTURE TRANSACTION AND WE MUST
ALL WORK TOGETHER. SINCE THIS MONEY IS STILL CASH,
EXTRA SECURITY MEASURES HAVE BEEN TAKEN TO PROTECT IT
FROM THEFT OR SEIZURE, PENDING WHEN AGREEMENT IS
REACHED ON WHEN AND HOW TO MOVE IT INTO ANY OF YOUR
NOMINATEDBANK ACCOUNTS. I HAVE PERSONALLY WORKED OUT
ALL MODALITIES FOR THE PEACEFUL CONCLUSION OF THIS
TRANSACTION. THE TRANSACTION DEFINITELY WOULD BE
HANDLED IN PHASES AND THE FIRST PHASE WILL INVOLVE THE
MOVING OF US$25,000,000.00( TWENTY FIVE MILLION UNITED
STATES DOLLARS ).

MY CLIENTS ARE WILLING TO GIVE YOU A REASONABLE
PERCENTAGE OF THIS MONEY AS SOON AS THE TRANSACTIONIS
CONCLUDED. I WILL, HOWEVER, BASED ON THE GROUNDS THAT
YOU ARE WILLING TO WORK WITH US AND ALSO ALL
CONTENTIOUS ISSUES DISCUSSED BEFORE THE COMMENCEMENT
OF THIS TRANSACTION. YOU MAY ALSO DISCUSS YOUR
PERCENTAGE BEFORE WE START TO WORK. AS SOON AS I HEAR
FROM YOU, I WILL GIVE YOU ALL NECESSARY DETAILS AS TO
HOW WE INTEND TO CARRY OUT THE WHOLE TRANSACTION.
PLEASE, DO NOT ENTERTAIN ANY FEARS,AS ALL NECESSARY
MODALITIES ARE IN PLACE, AND I ASSURE YOU OF ALL
SUCCESS AND SAFETY IN THIS TRANSACTION.

PLEASE, THIS TRANSACTION REQUIRES ABSOLUTE
CONFIDENTIALITY AND YOU WOULD BE EXPECTED TO TREAT IT
AS SUCH UNTIL THE FUNDS ARE MOVED OUT OF THIS COUNTRY.

PLEASE, YOU WILL ALSO IGNORE THIS LETTER AND RESPECT
OURTRUST IN YOU BY NOT EXPOSING THIS TRANSACTION, EVEN
IF YOU ARE NOT INTERESTED.

ENDEAVOUR TO RESPOND THROUGH THIS MY CONFIDENTIAL EMAIL ADDRESS

philipsemovon@totalise.co.uk

I LOOK FORWARDS TO WORKING WITH YOU.

THANK YOU.

TRULY YOURS

BARRISTER PHILIPS EMOVON.
OKEAYA INNEH LAW FIRM
LEGAL PRACTITRIONAL.
NIGERIA

STOP IT!!! (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3081900)

Dammit, Stop putting everything I say into THAT FUCKING TROLL LIBRARY!
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