Journal Jellybob's Journal: More weirdness... 7
Just another post I just made.
Ok, you may or may not care, but this seems as gooder place as any to write this all down, and it might help someone else. These two facts are now going to lead to me writing down the experiences of tonight.
Starting from this afternoon, just before I finished work. One of the people I work with had made some stupid comment about me, as she tends to for a lot of people, which I took hugely personally, and fumed about all the way home. I'm not sure why, but it just simmered all afternoon, and by about 5pm I had resorted to ignoring anyone who tried to talk to me.
The problem was that I had a cell leader's meeting tonight (I lead a youth cell at my church), which would involve a big bunch of people shouting and being rowdy, and generally not something I was looking forward to. But I went anyway.
I then got there to find only 1 other person there (apart from the 3 leaders), and in the end there was only 4 others, me, and the 3 leaders, so it was quite cosy (compared to the usual 16ish). We had dinner, which I actually managed to enjoy the chatter over.
After that, we moved into the other room to start the meeting properly, which is basically done as a usual cell meeting, just involving the leaders - it works well, since we learn new stuff from the leaders, and also get to have a cell meeting as people, instead of leaders (which can be kinda distancing sometimes).
We started off with a bit from Revelation (chapter 21?) about how God's gonna come and clean up the planet in general, and sort everything out... but in a slightly more inspirational way than that, after which we all wrote down our thoughts on what it would be like - it was revealing for me, if not overly pleasant (it's what triggered my post on sub-concious SIing on main).
We then went over the times in our lives when we first realised that God could be relied on to provide hope... leaving me in the situation of wondering how you tell a room full of cell leaders that you I'm not too sure of it now. It did turn around though, when I was reminded of the first time I went away with the church youth, and had an amazing time.
And then we prayed for people in turn - that's when the evening [b]really[/b] got interesting... you could feel a buzz in the room which can only be explained as God. A couple of people got prayed for, and then it was my turn, where I gave my carefully rehersed request for people to pray that I'd see more positives, and not let them get overwhelmed by the negatives.
So people prayed for me, and then one of them said how they'd seen an image of everything around me being black, but there were little pinpricks of white light shining through, so small that if you turned to look at them, it didn't seem they were there. They then went on to explain the blackness as a backdrop for light to be seen on - which I think is a stunning way of putting it... I kinda realised that while I do feel bad a lot of the time, the times I feel good it's not just a faint fuzzy feeling... I feel [b]really[/b] good.
Having heard that, I was already thinking how amazing it was, when my youth leader came out with something that quite frankly, knocked me over (not literally). He said that he felt that God was saying that I had a message to talk about, and that I should be patient, because soon I'll find the right person to talk to about it.
The strange thing is, I'd been thinking on the way there (and more to the point since Saturday night) about talking to him about how I'm feeling about things, my SI, and everything else. And then without me mentioning anything, I get a message that I should wait for a while, until I find the right person.
To be honest, right now things are just getting really weird for me... how am I meant to know who this right person is? After everything that's happened over the past few days, I've got no doubt in my mind that I'll find them if God's told me I will, but I am really scared right now.
I'm scared of people's reaction when they do find out... logically, I know that they'll be caring, and won't judge me for it all. But my other side won't let me believe that... my other side keeps telling me that they'll just hate me even more than they already do.
Anyway, time for bed me-thinks.
all i have to offer is (Score:2)
You'll know because, having set yourself upon the road, it was inevitable that you should reach here... and progress to there.
Not a whole lot of help, i know, but what it boil down to is... Don't worry. You'll know because it will come out of your mouth. Don't push the river.
Sol
Re:all i have to offer is (Score:2)
Actually, it was more helpful than you seem to think - I have to admit to having had this image in my head of having to constantly be on the lookout for this mystical person, but what you said makes a lot of sense
Re: (Score:2)
Re:How do you know (Score:2)
I almost didn't read this JE, because it's late and I'm tired, but I clicked on it anyway. I was thinking that my recent situation seems to fit with the whole "when to talk to people" motif. J-Bob, pray about it and if you want to talk, send me an email to the address in my profile. I check it every night. If it's not something you want to talk about over email, send me your phone number and I can call you after 9pm EST.
Re: (Score:2)
Re:How do you know (Score:2)
What?!?!? You mean there are non-Americans on slashdot! Preposterous.
Ok, so email may be the best bet. I have free Long Distance inside the US, but I'd HATE to see my cell bill if I started calling across the pond, but I guess I could pick up a calling card and call from home.
Re:How do you know (Score:2)
With the right calling card, it's 2.9 cents/minute to the UK - which is cheaper than most calls within the UK. Conversely, the US is a local call from the UK (unfortunately, standard local calls with BT aren't cheap) - 1p/min at weekends, 1.5p/min in the evenings. Less than $1.80 per hour for the call