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Journal Liora's Journal: Still more introspection 7

Journal by Liora

You know, C.S. Lewis says that as we live our lives out, we are moving in one of two directions. Either we are becoming better people, or we're becoming worse people. Sure, stagnation can happen for a little bit, on the short term, but if you integrate with respect to character from zero to infinity, the trend either goes toward the good or toward the bad.

I agree with him. And, I find myself confronted with the reality on a regular basis that it appears that I am becoming more of a witch every day, instead of some other, more pleasant alternative. I feel like I become more jealous, more bitter, more self-serving, more stubborn and willful, and less godly regularly. Look at my JE from yesterday. It was just an honest assessment of my thoughts from the day before, and if you look at them not even very closely, you realize that I'm an absolute monster.

I know everyone has less than stellar moments and emotions, and perhaps I AM becoming a better person because I'm starting to recognize them, and share them with people, and confront them, and trying to change them, but it doesn't seem that way. If I look at myself as an onion, the more layers I peel off, the more rotten it seems that I am as I get deeper and deeper.

I also know that when you get married, that's about as close as you'll ever be to someone - that's as transparent as you ever get to another human being, and I shudder to think that this is the person that Shimmin knows. It is a darn good thing he loves me, because if I were him, I certainly wouldn't like me.

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Still more introspection More

Still more introspection

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  • who's there?

    Sanity.

    Sanity who?

    Sanity has left the building.

    First,

    don't be so hard on yourself. Sheesh.

    Second, look to number 1 above.

    You are by no means a monster. Well, maybe a little bitty one like on Monster's Inc or something. ;)
  • 'Sup!

    So I think C.S. Lewis is full of it, both is ideas on friendship (a philosphy course where I was first introduced to his thoughts in a non-fiction setting) and here as well.

    Simply put, I don't believe in this better/worse, right/wrong thing. I just don't. Sure killing is wrong, but if its a choice of my death or your death, and those are my ONLY choices, I'll pick your death at my own hands. Its all situational. (I guess I'd re-phrase that as killing is extremely unpleasant, not that I've ever do
    • See, I'm not talking about actions. I'm talking about thoughts and feelings and emotions. I don't feel as if I've DONE anything that would qualify me as a monster, although occasionally I admit I do blow up at people. Mostly I think that I THINK like a monster.

      People are mostly how they think. I think that everyone (even you, talking about that "cursory logic probe") has a set of guidelines which defines whether or not a thought is allowed to turn into an action. These guidelines may be religion based
      • St. Augustine, a reformed sex-pot, couldn't get his mind off carnal action. It came to him in his dreams. Is it then a sin? He wrote at length about it; not that I've actually read any of it. ;)
        From whats been relayed to me, I think he had some grand rationalization to say that it indeed wasn't.

        I don't think your thoughts are bad. They are just thoughts. They are a very real, very id reaction to your world. And maybe they aren't your fault. If only those jerks would shut the fuck UP, maybe you woul
  • Well, maybe.

    I am actually quite glad that you did today's post. I was sure I had some thoughts on yesterday's, but could not quite figure out how to put them. So, I am going to skip yesterday's and go right on to today's.

    Yep, you are right, you are the scum of the earth. Along with the rest of us. *blink* *blink*

    The best part of being Christian is knowing that we are no better than the rest of the folks out there. When God chose Isreal as his people, he certainly did not do it because they were bett
    • Yeah, all of that's true, but we are going to live forever, and we have a mandate to prayerfully take actions that will consciously turn us into better people here and now. Because if we don't, if we're just becoming worse people as time passes, as C.S. Lewis says, we end up pretty evil people on the eternal timeline.

      So, you can see why I am pretty frustrated because I know that I have a nature like my mother's, that I would desperately like to avoid inheriting, but that I see myself turning into more eve
      • All well and good.

        My point was mainly trying to be one of reassurance. The introspection you are having now is in itself is a good thing. It is good to look at ones actions (and including thoughts) to see how you are living, are you fulfilling the purpose of Christ in this world?

        Satan is called the accuser for good reason in Revelation 12:10, he stands before God and us accusing of us, and trying to make man pay for his sin knowing full well that man is unable to. Satan's chief desire is to shame man,

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