Frater 219's Journal: 76 Portscans

Warning: This is really extremely silly. I wrote it some years ago while punchy from a nasty spate of break-ins. The tune is, of course, the obvious song from "The Music Man".

76 port scans at the firewall
With 110 h4x0rz close behind
There were more than a thousand d00dz
With their black hat 'tudes
There was pr0n of every shape and kind!

76 FIN scans through the firewall
Whacked 110 (POP3 -- that's your mail)
They were Snorted by rows and rows
Of the finest sysadmofos
And all the cr4x0rz went to jail.

There were shellscript hacking lamers in the DMZ
Thundering, blundering, flaming on the IRC
There were triple-breasted porno sites
And spammers selling Vegemite
And mailbombing like a random jerk!

76 script kids whacked the firewall
And 110 bytes smashed through the stack
They were followed by piles and piles
Of rootkits out for miles
Trying Windows exploits on my Mac!

There were fifty mounted DDoS spewing UDPs
Someone told them we were the WTO
There was Hipcrime hosing USENET groups
And Sendmail bouncing email loops
And spam from a Russian teenaged 'ho!

76 SYN floods hit the firewall
And 110 seg faults dumped the core
I was doing an fs check
On a brand-new punch card deck
And they spilled it all over the floor!

Very nice

[vees]

Thanks for today's geeky laugh.

Thx,

[qtp]

needed that ;)>

D'oh!

[Feztaa]

I don't get the reference :-/

Re:D'oh!

[Elwood P Dowd]

Yeah, he's much geekier for knowing "76 Trombones" than he is for knowing what a portscan is.

Re:D'oh!

[tbmaddux]

Yeah, he's much geekier for knowing "76 Trombones" than he is for knowing what a portscan is.

Geekier still would have been "I am the Very Model of a Modern Major General" from "Pirates of Penzance," but well done nevertheless.

its a bit funny

[goon]

nice read. btw - why do you use python for large projects, perl for small.

My usage is python for all system related work on clients. Python works well everywhere, even mswin. Perl does not. Perl is the choice of language however very well server-side. Perls strength is CPAN. Python has no equivalent that I know of. Perl talks apache. Python tries, but I never quite get code without tabs and spaces.