Journal FingerDemon's Journal: Just Jokes...
I don't like spilling my guts out in these types of forums and my technical expertise isn't great enough for me to hold court in my own /. space. So, I guess instead of either whining about the job market for developers or critiqueing some Sci-Fi, I'll just post some jokes in my journal.
First couple of jokes are clean jokes. Most of the jokes I remember and think are funniest are slightly risque or crude. However, I have noticed that in a business environment or around friends that are church going or more conservative, I can really break the ice with a good clean joke. So, I try to remember the good ones that are inoffensive for just those sorts of occassions.
A guy's wife is 9 months pregnant. She wakes him up in the middle of the night to tell him it is time to go to the hospital. He is a bit spastic, so he runs around crazy and finally gets her into the car. He drives like a maniac, with her yelling at him to slow down until he runs a stop light and has an accident. His wife is fine, but he was rushing too much to put on his seatbelt and bumps his head and is knocked out.
He awakens in the hospital with a start. He tries to jump out of bed, but a nurse stops him.
"Sir you can't get up. You have a concussion."
"But you don't understand my wife is having a baby." he replies.
"Yes sir. She is fine. Your wife gave birth to twins an hour ago."
"WHAT?! Oh my God, I have so much to do, I have to get out of here."
"Please sir, calm down, we called your brother in law and he came down and took care of everything."
"Oh No! He's an idiot. What did he take care of?"
"He was very supportive of your wife, he filled out paperwork and he even named the children."
"What!?! Oh God, he named the children?! I'm afraid to ask, what did he name them?"
"Well you had a boy and a girl and he named the girl Denise."
"Denise? Denise. I actually like that. That's a nice name." he said smiling now, "Maybe he isn't such an idiot, after all."
They both chuckle.
"What did he name the boy?", he asked.
"De-nephew."
Okay, so its not the greatest joke. But you can tell that joke ANYWHERE.
First couple of jokes are clean jokes. Most of the jokes I remember and think are funniest are slightly risque or crude. However, I have noticed that in a business environment or around friends that are church going or more conservative, I can really break the ice with a good clean joke. So, I try to remember the good ones that are inoffensive for just those sorts of occassions.
A guy's wife is 9 months pregnant. She wakes him up in the middle of the night to tell him it is time to go to the hospital. He is a bit spastic, so he runs around crazy and finally gets her into the car. He drives like a maniac, with her yelling at him to slow down until he runs a stop light and has an accident. His wife is fine, but he was rushing too much to put on his seatbelt and bumps his head and is knocked out.
He awakens in the hospital with a start. He tries to jump out of bed, but a nurse stops him.
"Sir you can't get up. You have a concussion."
"But you don't understand my wife is having a baby." he replies.
"Yes sir. She is fine. Your wife gave birth to twins an hour ago."
"WHAT?! Oh my God, I have so much to do, I have to get out of here."
"Please sir, calm down, we called your brother in law and he came down and took care of everything."
"Oh No! He's an idiot. What did he take care of?"
"He was very supportive of your wife, he filled out paperwork and he even named the children."
"What!?! Oh God, he named the children?! I'm afraid to ask, what did he name them?"
"Well you had a boy and a girl and he named the girl Denise."
"Denise? Denise. I actually like that. That's a nice name." he said smiling now, "Maybe he isn't such an idiot, after all."
They both chuckle.
"What did he name the boy?", he asked.
"De-nephew."
Okay, so its not the greatest joke. But you can tell that joke ANYWHERE.
