severoon's Journal: Great Sigs

I've been collecting some sigs now for a while...whenever I run across one that's particularly funny, I jot it down. What better place to post the fruits of this labor than where I picked up most of 'em? So, without further ado...

Initiative comes to thems that wait.

Anticipation comes to those who wait.

If I seem shortsighted, it is only because I stand on the shoulders of midgets.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted. --Steven Wright

Sedulously eschew unmitigated hyperverbosity, obfuscatory redundancy, and munificent prolixity.

My English teacher once told me that two positives don't make a negative. Yeah, right.

What part of "You don't understand anything" don't you understand?

Occam's Razor explained: you find a pinecone lying on the ground under a pine tree. (1) It fell off of the pine tree. (2) It was planted there by invisible space aliens in conjunction with the Illuminati acting in strict accordance with the Masonic doctrine of the Coming of the Pine Cone King. Choose (1).

"You can't see the forest for the trees." "Exactly! So what say we get to work moving some of them trees!?"

You are free to do as I tell you.

telepathetic - being such a loser that it can be spotted from a mile away.

Dyslexics of the world: UNTIE!

Anarchy: it's not the law, it's just a good idea.

We are sorry, you have reached an imaginary number. Please rotate your phone ninety degrees and try again.

Kill two birds with one stone: feed the homeless to the hungry.

If you were everyone but one person I would listen to everyone else.

Take thee this thing covered with that stuff and give it unto that guy, that he may do things with it.

The time to panic is not the time to panic.

Error Downloading the Internet: Insufficient space on drive C: for the Internet. Insert disk in drive A:.

I'm not interested in getting into semantic discussions about how many angels can dance on a head of split hair. When I say something, I mean exactly what you think I mean. Pedantry city is ---> that way.

Religious authorities work hard to make and keep people feeling sinful, unworthy...and unhappy.

"Faith" means not wanting to know what is true. --Nietzsche

For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice, but in practice, there is. - Jan L.A. van de Snepscheut

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk I have a workstation...

Under capitalism man exploits man. Under communism it's the other way around.

There are 10 types of people in the world - those that understand binary, and those that don't.

"Why should I go on living in this unjust, inhumane, technology dependent world where one marginally sane person can't even delude himself enough to believe that one person can make a difference as nameless, faceless forces seem to conspire against my every hope and dream, leaving me spiritually ravaged and consigned to work at the drive-in window at Wendy's? Also, are Cheetos really made with real cheese?" -- actual question submitted to Cecil Adams, of The Straight Dope

ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI.

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

There are 4 boxes to use in the defense of liberty: soap, ballot, jury, ammo. Use in that order.

To understand recursion, one must first understand recursion.

vi VS emacs arguments are pointless and a waste of time. vi is the best.

Down with self-referential sigs! Use sigs like this one instead.

wit.soul = brevity;

Information wants to be anthropomorphized.

Every once in a while I like to masturbate a new word into the conversation, even if I don't know what it means.