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Tomorrow is a BIG DAY

FortKnox (169099) writes | about 10 years ago

User Journal 31

It's Lindsay Lohan's 18th Birthday! She will be 'officially' legal (not that any of us really have a chance, especially since she is dating Fez from that 70s show).

But enough lusting after women almost legal... here's a joke to brighten the day:It's Lindsay Lohan's 18th Birthday! She will be 'officially' legal (not that any of us really have a chance, especially since she is dating Fez from that 70s show).

But enough lusting after women almost legal... here's a joke to brighten the day:

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to start a conversation. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap...and stay for breakfast. They have a wonderful, wonderful time.

Next morning she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything has been so incredible.

"You know," he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies, "you just happened to catch my eye."

cancel ×

31 comments

BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (1)

Em Emalb (452530) | about 10 years ago | (#9581882)

OMG, that was horrible!

I don't know whether to laugh at the joke or cry because there goes 20 seconds of my life I can't have back! :P

Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (1)

TechnoLust (528463) | about 10 years ago | (#9582042)

Speaking of Boo, I would like to take this opportunity to point out that she is WAY HOTTER than Ms. Lohan.

Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (1)

FortKnox (169099) | about 10 years ago | (#9582133)

I consider it blasphemy to compare any woman to her holiness Lohan! ;-P

FYI - have you guys established your 'lists'[1]?

[1] The 'list' being the list of celebrities its ok to have an affair with (of course, you have no chance whatsoever, but its fun to look up at the wife and say "She is on the list"). Mine includes halle berry, and Catherine Bell (everytime the wife watches JAG I remind her that Catherine Bell (*wipes drool off of chin and shirt*) is ON THE LIST. YOWZAH!!!)... of course, Ms.Lohan will be a recent addition.

Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (1)

Ethelred Unraed (32954) | about 10 years ago | (#9582484)

FYI - have you guys established your 'lists'[1]?

Yeah. Unfortunately, my wife's list is a lot longer. Robbie Williams, Sean Connery, Harrison Ford, George Clooney...

Meanwhile, I happen to know that Sophie Marceau, Natalie Imbruglia, Nicole de Boer and Milla Jovovich want to bear my children, but are just too shy to admit it publicly.

Cheers,

Ethelred

Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (1)

TechnoLust (528463) | about 10 years ago | (#9582638)

Milla Jovovich is the second hottest woman on the planet. Followed closely by Jennifer Aniston in third.

Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (1)

Zirnike (640152) | about 10 years ago | (#9583149)

I kinda like Pauley Perrette for second. [imdb.com] Milla is first. I might have odd taste...

Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (1)

TechnoLust (528463) | about 10 years ago | (#9583731)

No she's cute. I know a 19 year old that looks a lot like her, but shorter. She has a bf tho, sorry.

Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (1)

Zirnike (640152) | about 10 years ago | (#9583891)

Well, I'm 29, so that is a bit too much of an age differance for me.

My next date will be my second, so I don't think I should start off with that much of a differance. :)

Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (1)

VisorGuy (548245) | about 10 years ago | (#9585506)

Age is mostly just a number.

My wife is 15 years older than me.

We've been married for 5 years as of last Feb 13th.

OT: Desert Combat (1)

FortKnox (169099) | about 10 years ago | (#9591380)

You missed my best game last night (then again, you coulda been on their trying to contact me... when you are in a small map with 50 people, you tend to ignore the chat window).

Was a great game, though... found out I'm really good with the heavy machine gun.

Re:OT: Desert Combat (1)

VisorGuy (548245) | about 10 years ago | (#9596624)

According to BFTracks [bftracks.us] , last night was not your best game. ;) Anyway, I didn't get home until 8:20pm PST, so I wasn't looking.

Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (1)

Talinom (243100) | about 10 years ago | (#9583344)

I am officially too old now. Ms. Lohan's birthday is July 2nd, 1986. I graduated from high school on June 13th, 1986. My birthday is July 3rd, 1968.

I could be this chick's dad!!!

Someone please get me a rocker and some ointment. I looked in my coin purse but couldn't find any. That's OK though, I think I left it in my polyester pants.

Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (1)

Ethelred Unraed (32954) | about 10 years ago | (#9582363)

I don't know whether to laugh at the joke or cry because there goes 20 seconds of my life I can't have back! :P

Try this one, then.

A man goes to Spain to see the bullfights. After his first bullfight, he goes into a local restaurant, where he sees another man being served a steaming plate of huge meatballs served with paella. Looks appetizing, he thinks.

He asks the waiter for the dish the other man is having, but the waiter says, Sorry, señor, that was the last portion for today. But if you come to the restaurant immediately after the bullfight tomorrow, you may get some.

The next day, the man races to the restaurant just before the end of the last bullfight, and sure enough, he's the first one there. He proudly orders the dish, and the waiter brings him a plate of paella with a some puny little meatballs perched on top. What's this, asks the man. Yesterday the meatballs were much larger.

The waiter replies sadly, Señor, el toro, he not always lose.

...

Thank you, thank you.

OK, it's an old one, but a good one...

Cheers,

Ethelred

Well, until tomorrow (1)

SamTheButcher (574069) | about 10 years ago | (#9582161)

We can all lust after this girl [imdb.com] .

Just saw her in a movie last night and thought "wow...where's she been hiding?" Check out the photo gallery. Her eyes are amazing.

Re:Well, until tomorrow (1)

Otter (3800) | about 10 years ago | (#9582277)

Her primary fame is from that "This is your brain on heroin" commercial, isn't it? Since then, she hasn't done much except just being a celebrity.

Re:Well, until tomorrow (1)

SamTheButcher (574069) | about 10 years ago | (#9582546)

Don't care. I mean *look* at her, man!! ;)

Re:Well, until tomorrow (1)

zedmelon (583487) | about 10 years ago | (#9584435)

Yeah. LOOK [imdb.com] at her. Yikes.

I don't care if her brain looks good on drugs. She looks good on ME.

Re:Well, until tomorrow (1)

SamTheButcher (574069) | about 10 years ago | (#9584582)

See, now *that's* what the fuck I'm talking about. :)

Glad you're back, zed. :)

Re:Well, until tomorrow (1)

Zirnike (640152) | about 10 years ago | (#9584743)

Reminds me of something someone I worked with said...

"She has a very restful chin... I'd like to rest my balls on her chin."

I will now endure the slaps of the ladies. To quote the fools: Give me a bust in the mouth. :)

Re:Well, until tomorrow (1)

the_mad_poster (640772) | about 10 years ago | (#9588654)

She has a very restful chin... I'd like to rest my balls on her chin.

Reminds me of that annoying blond kid from Office Space.

If things go well I might be showing her my Oh face. Oh, oh, oh!

Had to laugh... (1)

Otter (3800) | about 10 years ago | (#9582170)

...at that Olsen Twins fiasco. All that hype about them turning 18, and then 30 seconds later one of them is in rehab. The other will probably be robbing a convenience store tomorrow.

I mean, it's not like you suddenly wake anorexic. Didn't it occur to their parents and management to lay off on the press releases and get the girl some help first?

By the way, who _is_ this Lindsay Lohan? I'd never heard of her until a couple of weeks ago when she started appearing in comments here as the new Natalie Portman.

Re:Had to laugh... (1)

GeckoFood (585211) | about 10 years ago | (#9582258)

  • ...at that Olsen Twins fiasco. All that hype about them turning 18, and then 30 seconds later one of them is in rehab. The other will probably be robbing a convenience store tomorrow.

Thanks a lot, buddy... I was enjoying having a drink in my cube when I read this and just about sprayed my keyboard I was laughing so hard.

Re:Had to laugh... (1)

robi2106 (464558) | about 10 years ago | (#9585489)

She is in the new "Bad Girls" or whatever it is called movie. You average run of the mill teen T&A film with barely legal actress types.

You know the kind.

jason

Re:Had to laugh... (0)

zedmelon (583487) | about 10 years ago | (#9586092)

I haven't seen it so I can't completely dispute this (critiques, anyone?), but I do like the writing Tina Fey does on SNL, and she was the main force behind the screenplay of Mean Girls. It didn't look like a MUST-see, but I think it probably is at least moderately funny, and it didn't strike me as a blatant T&A thing, either. But again, I haven't seen it, so I may be completely wrong on all counts. Critiques, anyone?

And yes, I agree with your generalization, generally. ;) I know the kind.

And yes, she's hawt. For the record, I think they look natural, too.

Sorry to burst some bubbles. (1)

waffle zero (322430) | about 10 years ago | (#9582327)

Look at this shocker. [liquidgeneration.com] Although I can't say I'm surprised.

I thought she did a good job in Mean Girls, which I really liked due to the writing. The more I see her face, the more I see some orange all over (fake) tanned freckled abomination.

Re:Sorry to burst some bubbles. (1)

SamTheButcher (574069) | about 10 years ago | (#9582809)

Wow. You mean there's a story on the Internet that's not a fake? ;)

Actually, as pointed out on the IMDB forum on her page, breast augmentation scars are usually on the outside, close to the armpit, not the inside. Someone else on that board also mentioned that if she had changed clothes recently, that might have been a bra underwire indentation/irritation.

But it's nice to know that we as the public always want to believe the worst. Because noone's ever had breast implants.

I just think it's incredible how she looked like a kid a year ago, and now looks like she's, oh, 30. Not that that's a bad thing, though....

Re:Sorry to burst some bubbles. (1)

FortKnox (169099) | about 10 years ago | (#9584052)

I hear that they use 'just under the nipple' cut... never heard of the 'in the middle of cleavage' shot.

Plus, can someon under 18 even have a boobjob??

Re:Sorry to burst some bubbles. (1)

SamTheButcher (574069) | about 10 years ago | (#9584264)

Plus, can someon under 18 even have a boobjob??

If you have lots of money, lots of things are possible.

People said the same thing about Britney at about the same age a couple years ago, to which I said - um, she's still GROWING? How about that? Have we compared Lindsey/Britney's tits to their mom's breasts at that age? That would be more of an indicator than phantom scars or breast growth. Growth (both breastular and height) is not unheard of at age 18, people. In fact, I was talking to one Em Emalb who said he grew 2.75 inches and gained 35 lbs over 3 months when he went into the Marines. People still grow at that age. Especially breasts. But not Em. To my knowledge, he did not grow breasts during that time.

Sorry, FK. Rant not directed at you. :)

Mmm... Lindsay! (0)

Anonymous Coward | about 10 years ago | (#9582474)

She was hot back in her Parent Trap days...

she's cute (1)

subgeek (263292) | about 10 years ago | (#9584413)

she'll probably grow up to be pretty, but she just looks too young to do much for me. nothing against people with "young faces" but she looks like a kid in addition to having a young face. well, a kid with a nice body.

i'm old or something. and only 29.

FortKnox, you thief! (1)

WIAKywbfatw (307557) | about 10 years ago | (#9589497)

If you're going to tell a poor joke, at least tell people where you ripped it off from [cnn.com] .
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