Journal FortKnox's Journal: Tomorrow is a BIG DAY 31
It's Lindsay Lohan's 18th Birthday! She will be 'officially' legal (not that any of us really have a chance, especially since she is dating Fez from that 70s show).
But enough lusting after women almost legal... here's a joke to brighten the day:
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to start a conversation. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap...and stay for breakfast. They have a wonderful, wonderful time.
Next morning she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything has been so incredible.
"You know," he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies, "you just happened to catch my eye."
But enough lusting after women almost legal... here's a joke to brighten the day:
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to start a conversation. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you."
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theatre followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap...and stay for breakfast. They have a wonderful, wonderful time.
Next morning she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything has been so incredible.
"You know," he said, 'you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies, "you just happened to catch my eye."
BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (Score:1)
I don't know whether to laugh at the joke or cry because there goes 20 seconds of my life I can't have back!
Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (Score:2)
Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (Score:2)
FYI - have you guys established your 'lists'[1]?
[1] The 'list' being the list of celebrities its ok to have an affair with (of course, you have no chance whatsoever, but its fun to look up at the wife and say "She is on the list"). Mine includes halle berry, and Catherine Bell (everytime the wife watches JAG I remind her that Catherine Bell (*wipes drool off of chin and shirt*) is ON THE LIST. YOWZAH!!!)... of course, Ms.Lohan will
Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (Score:2)
Yeah. Unfortunately, my wife's list is a lot longer. Robbie Williams, Sean Connery, Harrison Ford, George Clooney...
Meanwhile, I happen to know that Sophie Marceau, Natalie Imbruglia, Nicole de Boer and Milla Jovovich want to bear my children, but are just too shy to admit it publicly.
Cheers,
Ethelred
Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (Score:2)
Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (Score:2)
Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (Score:2)
Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (Score:2)
My next date will be my second, so I don't think I should start off with that much of a differance. :)
Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (Score:2)
My wife is 15 years older than me.
We've been married for 5 years as of last Feb 13th.
OT: Desert Combat (Score:2)
Was a great game, though... found out I'm really good with the heavy machine gun.
Re:OT: Desert Combat (Score:2)
Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (Score:2)
I could be this chick's dad!!!
Someone please get me a rocker and some ointment. I looked in my coin purse but couldn't find any. That's OK though, I think I left it in my polyester pants.
Re:BOOO HISSSS BOOOOOOOO (Score:2)
Try this one, then.
A man goes to Spain to see the bullfights. After his first bullfight, he goes into a local restaurant, where he sees another man being served a steaming plate of huge meatballs served with paella. Looks appetizing, he thinks.
He asks the waiter for the dish the other man is having, but the waiter says, Sorry, señor, that was the last portion for today. But if you come t
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Re:Well, until tomorrow (Score:1)
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Re:Well, until tomorrow (Score:1)
I don't care if her brain looks good on drugs. She looks good on ME.
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Re:Well, until tomorrow (Score:2)
"She has a very restful chin... I'd like to rest my balls on her chin."
I will now endure the slaps of the ladies. To quote the fools: Give me a bust in the mouth. :)
Re:Well, until tomorrow (Score:2)
She has a very restful chin... I'd like to rest my balls on her chin.
Reminds me of that annoying blond kid from Office Space.
If things go well I might be showing her my Oh face. Oh, oh, oh!
Had to laugh... (Score:2)
I mean, it's not like you suddenly wake anorexic. Didn't it occur to their parents and management to lay off on the press releases and get the girl some help first?
By the way, who _is_ this Lindsay Lohan? I'd never heard of her until a couple of weeks ago when she started appearing in comments here as the new Natalie Portman.
Re:Had to laugh... (Score:1)
Thanks a lot, buddy... I was enjoying having a drink in my cube when I read this and just about sprayed my keyboard I was laughing so hard.
Re:Had to laugh... (Score:2)
You know the kind.
jason
Sorry to burst some bubbles. (Score:2)
Look at this shocker. [liquidgeneration.com] Although I can't say I'm surprised.
I thought she did a good job in Mean Girls, which I really liked due to the writing. The more I see her face, the more I see some orange all over (fake) tanned freckled abomination.
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Re:Sorry to burst some bubbles. (Score:2)
Plus, can someon under 18 even have a boobjob??
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she's cute (Score:1)
i'm old or something. and only 29.
FortKnox, you thief! (Score:2)