Orion Blastar's Journal: Slowly getting sicker

I find myself slowly getting sicker each month.

I suffer from several medical illnesses, and I am on several medicines for them.

I recently had a sinus and ear infection, but it seems to be getting worse. It bumped my medicine up to nine, but then ran out. I see my doctor again in two weeks. I find I am slowly going deaf due to the ear infection and have a problem hearing low tones and cannot hear people whisper to me. When I was a child I had ear infections, and in music class, my teachers told me I was tone deaf because I couldn't tell one note from another. I struggled to try and learn, I got a Guitar for Christmas as a child, and tried to learn how to play it, but one of my brothers smashed it up before I could learn. It is possible that I've had ear problems my whole life and it is just now getting worse.

My blood pressure goes through phases. I am getting dizzy really easily now, due to the ear infection and blood pressure I am told. I've lost my balance and fell or almost fell quite a few times a day.

My depression and schizoaffective disorder goes through phases. I think they are getting worse. My delusion that I am a space pirate from 4096 AD is seen in my posts all over the Internet. Yet I've learned to use my mental illnesses to help me study for college, as I earned over a 3.92 GPA despite memory and concentration problems. I wonder how long I can keep it up? How long before I fail?

Many have called me an idiot, or other insult, I do not have a problem with intelligence, just with thinking due to the illness. My GPA proves my potential, and my intelligence. My lack of education and knowledge is being worked on with college.

I lost a lot of weight, but I still have stomach and colon problems. My insurance company keeps changing my stomach medicine, and I go through a lot of pain on the wrong medicine. They wanted me to try over the counter medicines, but they did not work, and a hole was being eaten in my stomach (ulcer) due to the build up of acid. I finally got back on a medicine that works, but I have to pay more for that.

My parents are getting sicker as well. My mother I worry about, she has fallen down more than I have, and she seems to be really sick. I am not sure about my father either; he seems to be getting sicker as well. They also took everything they invested in and put it all into Insurance Annuities, I worry about that. Some seminar they went to told them it was a lower risk, and that the economy is going to bottom out soon. So the way I figure it, the guys who sold them on this annuity make 6%, and some middle-men earn money investing their money in the stock market anyway and eat up the profits, and then pass what is left to my parents.

Due to my health issues, I cannot get life insurance. I keep being refused. I was told they didn't think I would make it to age 40, and I am age 36. My doctors didn't tell me this, I wonder if they are keeping something from me due to my mental illnesses not being able to handle it?

I just hope for some good news eventually. At least I am still alive, and possibly can make a recovery some day?