Mr Guy's Journal: Shakepeare

How's this for a first pass:

$scene = "Hamlet" ."3/1";
$scene ~= m/bb|(?!bb)/ Question();
sub Question
{
( $mind{ suffer( $outrageous_fortune{ "Slings and arrows"} ) }
>
$mind { take_arms( "sea of troubles" ) } sleep(1) || die;
if( $mind { take_arms( "sea of troubles" ) } )
{
return (-1);
}
else
{
my $flesh, %heir_to;
$flesh = $consummation;
%heir_to = { "heart-ache", @natural_shocks[1000] };
sleep(1) || die;
(rand(10) == rand(10)) && Dream();
}
}