Chacham's Journal: Excerpt: Some irreverent Xian humour

[This post is from a book Ain't Nobody's Business If You Do chapter "His Master's Voice" (page 479-480). It is presented here out of context, for humorous purposes only. I disagree with a lot of the book, but the quotes are refreshing, and the POV is interesting. A wonderful coffe table book.]

NEW TESTAMENT TRIVIA QUIZ: In establishing the new covenant of grace, who was Jesus' primary opponent?

(a) The devil,
(b) Sickness,
(c) Death,
(d) Evil spirits,
(e) The Pharisees.

The answer is (e) The Pharisees.

Jesus had very little trouble with (a) The devil. Early on, Jesus spent forty days in the desert being tempted by the devil and seemed, at most, disinterested. The devil could only offer him worldly things and Jesus was noticeably not of this world. Nor did (b) Sickness trouble him. There's no record of his being sick, and he seemed to be able to cure any illness in just about anyone (except when he returned to his hometown of Nazareth and the townspeople's lack of faith prevented him from doing great miracles). Of course, (c) Death was no obstacle. He raised up one person after another,* and eventually raised up himself. And (d) Evil spirits were easy: he seemed to have complete dominion over those.

---

*After raising up several people who had recently died-about whom skeptics probably said, "Oh, they weren't dead; they were just stunned:' as the pet-shop owner said of the parrot in the famous Monty python sketch-Jesus raised up Lazarus, who had not only been dead four days, but was decomposing, ("But, Lord. ..by this time there is a bad odor" John 11:39].) This was a raising of the dead that could not be denied, It, however, did not sit well with the Pharisees: "So the chief priests made plans to kill Lazarus as well [they were already planning to kill Jesus], for on account of him many of the Jews were going over to Jesus and putting their faith in him" (John 12:10-11). We hear no more about this, but it raises the question: if the Pharisees had killed Lazarus, would Jesus have raised him from the dead again? And if Jesus did, would the Pharisees kill Lazarus again? This has great possibilities for another Monty python sketch, or a Terrninator-type movie set in biblical times. The Pharisees could kill Lazarus in more and more elaborate ways, and Jesus could raise him up and make him whole again, Great special effects opportunities, lots of violence, lots of miracles-something for everyone. Perhaps we should call it Lazarated, followed by Lazarated II: The Pharisees Strike Back, followed by Lazarated III: The Return of Jesus, I know, I know, you're asking yourself, "Why is this man writing political books when he should be making movies?" Because if I made movies, I'd probably make political movies, and we already have an Oliver Stone. Which reminds me: Why did Oliver Stone have so much difficulty finding a casting director for his first film? Because in Hollywood, it's hard to find someone without sin, and only someone without sin could cast the first. ..oh, never mind, let's get back to the text.

Moo.

[insanecarbonbasedlif]

It was all worth it when I got to the last 2 lines.

Thanks!

Re:Moo.

[Chacham]

Heh.

Personally, i like the "Lazarated" part.

Funny thing is, he seems to have been religous himself. Well, believe in that messiah, at least. Odd book.

Xtian [sic]

[superyooser]

Since X is a capital Chi, which stands for Christ in this case, Xtian equates to Christtian. Xian is accurate.

Better yet, just say Christian. Christ doesn't bite, I promise. ;-)

Re:Xtian [sic]

[Chacham]

ok, Xian it is.

As for the full name, Exodus 23:13 comes to mind.

Re:Xtian [sic]

[superyooser]

Ha! I suspected that was your reason.

As for the name of Christ being the name of an "other god," Micah 5:2, Psalm 2:7, Proverbs 30:4, Isaiah 9:6-7, and Jeremiah 23:5-6 [biblegateway.com] indicate that's not so.

Re:Xtian [sic]

[Chacham]

Since people worship that guy as a god, that is irrelevant.

And those verses referring to that guy have been discreditted time and time again, it's a wonder its still around. Grasping at straws i guess.