SlashChick's Journal: Erica Goes Through 30 Hours Of Hell...And Then...

Writes About It! (Thanks, Slashdot title limit.) :P

Well, we've moved 125 servers from one AboveNet datacenter in San Jose to another. This move was not our choice -- AboveNet leased out SJC3 (the datacenter we were in) to another company, and so we were forced to "move 'em out" (as they say) and head on down to SJC2 in downtown San Jose.

So I'd like to take this journal entry to (first) admonish myself for not writing recently, as I feel writing is therapeutic, especially for me, and secondly, to record in history not just the logistical, business aspects of the move, but my actual feelings about it.

My personal feelings don't come out often in my Slashdot journal. I'm often hesitant to write about myself since this is such a wide audience, but to hell with that convention. I've talked about my business the whole time. Time for all of you to know the real me. And after 30 hours with no sleep, experiencing the strange effects of food and sleep deprivation, and work-work-work constantly, I'm going to carve out a little space for myself here. The real me -- not Simpli, and not web developer Erica, but me.

Although I run a successful business and, by all means, should be grinning 100% of the time, the reality is that I often find myself sitting at home alone mindlessly surfing the Internet. I tend to go through friends like some people change brands of cereal. My "friend lifespan" is approximately 6 months, and I've had very few friends (three, I think?) whom I'm still in touch with whom I've known longer than 1 year. I used to think that it was because I'm changing and growing so rapidly, and I believe part of that is true. The other part is deeper and much more subtle.

My problem is my personality has two very opposite sides. The one you meet at first (and the one you know if you've only met me a few times) is a very dynamic, engaging, fun personality. People have a hard time believing that I don't have many friends or that I'm anti-social. But there is a very different side to my personality -- a shy, quiet, bookworm-geeky side that only comes out when I'm really alone or with people I'm incredibly comfortable with.

Somehow these two personalities combine in strange (and often opposing) ways. One night I'll want to go to a concert or an event and the next night I'm absorbed in some bizarro Linux problem or programming dilemma and get irritated when someone asks me to take a break. I love good discussion, but often get intimidated by those who want to argue every point of mine: "Hey, I've made my decision. Leave me alone." For me, there is a very fine line between discussing different opinions and viewpoints (which I love) and arguing about them (which I quickly grow sick of.)

Which brings me back to the whole friends thing. My personality's two sides make it difficult to retain friends since half the time I'm "too busy" to go out and the other half of the time I'm not busy, but people have given up asking me since I'm "always busy." I don't really think I have an abrasive personality or anything that scares people off; they just sort of give up after a while since I'm so often not interested in doing anything.

I met a cool friend a few months ago who introduced me to a couple other people here in the Bay Area. A few weeks ago I was talking to him on AIM (yeah, I'm an AIM junkie) and he said that I should call up one of the other guys and see what he was doing since I was free and bored that night. "What do you mean?!" I said. A good talking-to (er, conversation ;) ensued when he realized I hadn't called up someone I didn't know that well just to see if that person was free and wanted to do something in approximately 2 years. Well, I finally gave in and called him, and go figure -- he was busy. (He must have "Erica syndrome." ;) I haven't called him since, even though I think we'd be good friends. Why? I guess I'm too busy. :)

I know a lot of people, but I can't say there are a lot of people out there who know me very well. Some nights (like tonight) I end up sitting at home alone, hoping something will happen. Most nights I just work my butt off until I go to bed. I have a good friend who is a quite obsessive PHP programmer, and I teased him one night about him living in New York City and never going outside to explore and have some fun. I commented that we were some of the only people in the world who look at life through a window in the room where the computer is.

Is it possible to be too busy looking down at your work to get up once in a while and really enjoy just getting to know other people? Sometimes I'm tempted to just go somewhere else for a while and completely forget work. I hope I remember what fun is by the time Simpli is a multi-million dollar company and I actually start having free time again. Or is it possible that I will schedule my life so that I will hold myself at a distance from people forever just so I can get more work done? These are the things that go on in my head...when I'm not too busy to think about them, that is. ;)

Welcome

[gmhowell]

Welcome to the interpersonal side of the JE circle.

And, FWIW, I haven't noticed a single thing on refundersrefuge.org as a result of the move. Which I suppose is the point:)

Re:

[account_deleted]

Comment removed based on user account deletion

Being "too busy"...

[arb]

I tend to be somewhat similar to yourself. Sometimes I want to go out and do stuff, and other times I just want to lock myself away and read an interesting book or work on a problem. As a result, I, too, don't have a great many friends IRL. I am not one for making plans, I usually prefer to do things on the fly (ie, hit the cinema, see what movies are showing and pick one, rather than say we'll go to see a particular movie a week from next Thursday at 9pm) which can play havoc with other people's scheduling

Welcome back

[rdewald]

BTW, neither I nor any of my customers noticed the move. Congrats, you rock as a businesswoman.

What I am seeing in your JE is that you may have some trouble accounting for other people's needs. You describe the dual sides to your personality, that's not really all that uncommon, what is a problem is that you admit to putting people off when their moods don't jive with yours. That's a problem. That will cost you friends.

There are a bunch of different ways around this, what works for you will be a funct

picky?

[Flamesplash]

i think maybe 'we' are more pickier about our friends. I know a lot of people here at grad school, and I say hi to a decent number of them through the day, but I really have few close friends, and there for I'm more likely to talk to people on AIM than actually go do anything with them.

As it is I don't talk to anyone i knew in person before grad school anymore. There's the odd IM conversation but that's somewhat it.

The best way to make friends...

[TechnoLust]

Is to hang out with me... in the hot tub... drinking a margarita. What? I'm friendly! :-)

did I not

[KMAPSRULE]

have brief lapse of available computers a few years back and meet my wife and get married I 'd be in the same boat, as it is my wife has to hound me at one in the morning when im on the 100'th compile of "wouldnt that function run faster if I..."

Nice job on the move, calandranet.com never flickered!

Windows and friends

[Tet]

I commented that we were some of the only people in the world who look at life through a window in the room where the computer is.

Window? Window?. Noooooo! We hates it. Nasty reflections everywhere. I have the window in my computer room blacked out...

As for friends, I think you'll find a similar pattern in many of us around here. I have precisely one friend that I'm not in a relationship with, and I can see us remaining close for the rest of our lives. Apart from that, though, I have traditionally had n

yer hosting co rocks

[sulli]

Hey Erica - I completely understand as I'm going through similar chaos running for office! (Using simpli.biz hosted sulli.info [sulli.info].) Meeting lots of folks, never having the time to get to know them. And also not making nearly enough time for my pre-existing friends.

My solution: Throw parties! A campaign is always a good excuse for these, of course.

Just a thought...

[Shadow Wrought]

It is a difficult thing to open yourelf up to an audience as wide as SLashdot, and I applaud you for doing so. That you are running a successful, and can obviously undertake massive projects in addition to your normal workload is a testiment to you as well. But I do not think that you would have written all that you did if it was not bothering you far more than you let on (unless it is all just the sleep deprivation talking;-). So here's a couple pennies for you.

In my own life I differentiate between f

Excellent entry

[Outland Traveller]

Thanks for taking the time to write this.

Your writing resonates quite strongly with me. I engage myself in many activities that can be solitary pursuits, yet yearn for stimulating, imaginative, technical company at the same time while I do them.

I've also been able to be a perceived dynamo of energy and often silly fun for a short to medium term of time, but do not feel the need to do that day in and day out, every week with others, which is the kind of level of social activity that many of my long-term, n