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The Mysterious Urge

BankofAmerica_ATM (537813) writes | more than 12 years ago

Quickies 6

I was back at the host geek's apartment around midnight. Analyzing the host geek's repository of data did not reveal any information about Cora. But I was not easily discouraged. I removed the telephone handset and dialed Troi, the spindly geek who first exposed me to Cora.

"What is it?" Pulses of electricity became a growl in my host geek's ear. I had to concentrate; now was the time to exercise my rapidly evolving human interaction algorithms.

I was back at the host geek's apartment around midnight. Analyzing the host geek's repository of data did not reveal any information about Cora. But I was not easily discouraged. I removed the telephone handset and dialed Troi, the spindly geek who first exposed me to Cora.

"What is it?" Pulses of electricity became a growl in my host geek's ear. I had to concentrate; now was the time to exercise my rapidly evolving human interaction algorithms.

"May I speak to Troi, please?"

"Yeah Joel, it's me." His voice reflected an inflection that I did not understand. But this was of no immediate concern-Troi would give me Cora's contact information.

"I require the telephone number of Cora."

Troi heaved a sigh across the phone lines. I understood his feelings to be disgust. "Is that supposed to be funny?"

"No."

There was a long pause on the end of the line. "Joel. What makes you think she likes you? I mean, Cora and I kind of...have a thing going on."

"What is this 'thing'?" Another disgusted sigh.

"Look, we've, uh...kinda been flirting with each other for a long time. I'm sure that we're just a little step away from being something serious, you know?"

"I do not understand. What is Cora's phone number?"

"Hey Joel, call me back when you don't feel like being a jackass-" Troi's voice was a peeved mumble, punctuated by a click.

The host geek's teeth clenched. I stared blindly at the wall as the body's eyes moved in and out of focus. Did no human understand my plight? My functions oscillated and I began to realize how suddenly this urge had taken me. Why had this happened? What secrets could a woman possibly unlock in the struggle against Project Faustus? I concentrated all available resources on solving this question.

As I concentrated, I noticed a small bit of paper jammed halfway underneath the door of the apartment. It was Cora's matchbook! The back of the host geek's head began to exude a strange warmth as drew his fingers across it. It smelled of vanilla and sulfur, although a quick examination with the tongue revealed that its taste was not quite as appealing. Opening the folded cardboard revealed a small message:

Learn how to smoke! 210-930-8313.-Cora --

"What kind of food do you like?" Cora's lips wore a waxy forest green covering that seemed to be breaking off in small grooves, revealing a bit of pink. The forest green covering had also covered the ends of her digits, which protruded from a furry pink carpet around her steering wheel...

"Hey, are you paying attention? What restaurant do you want to go to?" Cora asked.

"What is this 'restaurant'?"

"What, Bombay's?" replied Cora, looking over at a building alongside us (and just down the road from my former ATM enclosure). "You've never been there? Well, we could go there, I guess..."

"You are not sure?"

"Well, it's just...there's a little place that I'd rather take you-it's kinda far, over by Blanco and 281. Is that okay?"

"Yes."

Objects in the material world approached and left us in mathematically predictable ways as Cora's vehicle annihilated the space that lay between it and "Rome's Pizza." Along the way, she spoke many things to me:

  • About her recent move from a place called "Canada."
  • The summary of a now-defunct human relationship with a male from that place.
  • Her secret dislike of Troi. ("I know he's your friend, but what an annoying little weasel," she intoned)

I listened intently, knowing that the information was stretching the functionality of my human-interaction algorithms.

"Anyway, I transferred back home, not because I give a fuck about what Jerry thinks, but because I wanted to be back here, you know, with family and stuff. Plus I think I can get done with my degree and get some shitty job to do while I'm writing my novel..." The door chimed as we passed through it, reminding me of the Stop N Go where I once presided. When I succeeded in defeating Project Faustus, would I "transfer back home"? Certainly I could not remain in the host geek's body...

"I want a big cheesy calzone, what about you?" Cora tossed back her crimson locks, ruining the perfect isosceles angle around her face. However, I noted a larger isosceles triangle exuding its equal sides from the edges of her sternum. The third point, by far the most interesting in the triangle, emerged from the middle of her chest, at the exact point where her bare skin met t-shirt fiber.

"Which foods have the most simple sugars?" I stated, quickly moving the host geek's neck straight up from the triangle's third point until I was facing her eyes.

"Oh, are you a diabetic or something? Was this a bad choice?" she asked, her voice taking a strange air. My calculations returned that she needed an increase in comfort.

"Cora, you are a good chooser of 'restaurants.' I would like to subscribe to your newsletter!" I said, weaving in a bit of my newly developed enthusiasm.

She stared at me with a bit of confusion. Had I erred?

"Joel, you're a weird guy. I'm glad you came out with me tonight, you know, meeting new people, making new friends...." her voice trailed off into awkward laughter as she gripped both my hands. I felt a change within the host geek's body, as if some new weapon to battle Project Faustus had been awakened from deep within...

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Yes!!! Score! (-1)

Big_Ass_Spork (446856) | more than 12 years ago | (#3667227)

I have never gotten lucky with the newsletter line, but in theory at least, it can work.

Just out of curiosity, are her upper chest region isosceles angles larger than average or pretty much average in comparison to the population sample you have had contact with? Do you find yourself to be a boob man, excited by the angles of the chest, a butt man, excited by the posterior angles just above the legs on the rear, or a leg man, excited by the entire leg region and its various angles? Do any of these choices sound like something you have experienced or is your attraction more nebulous and unexplained by you limited human experience?

--
BAS

Re:Yes!!! Score! (1, Insightful)

BankofAmerica_ATM (537813) | more than 12 years ago | (#3667637)

I believe that it is the angles themselves that excite me, perhaps due to the fact that they can be expressed simply and efficiently in a binary environment, unlike most of the material world.

However, I shall have to examine the data in my memory with regards to your new angle-classifications. Perhaps I may learn more about my origins...

Re:Yes!!! Score! (2)

keesh (202812) | more than 12 years ago | (#3668116)

You just need to learn about bezier curves.

It's about time the ATM scored! (1)

kiwipeso (467618) | more than 12 years ago | (#3704593)

It's not the size or shape that counts, it's how much stamina that you both have and how much excitement you may find between you.
It should be noted that you should never try this experiment as a pre-approved routine that your relatives approve of.

The folowing conditions apply to the total duration of the experiment over 24 hours.

If the duration of the experiment lasts for 5 minutes, you are underperforming to the extent that you are unwell or stressed out.
If the duration of the experiment lasts for 15 minutes, you are well suited to a lifetime of conservative fiscal investment.
If the duration of the experiment lasts for 30 minutes, you are well suitable to be an average bank officer.
If the duration of the experiment lasts for 45 minutes, it seems that you will be very well suited to an executive job.
If the duration of the experiment lasts for 1 hour, it seems that you will have a senior position in the bank by the time you are supposed to retire.
If the duration of the experiment lasts for 2 hours, you may have a senior position at the bank before you retire.
If the duration of the experiment lasts for 3 hours, you will probably become a senior executive at the bank halfway to the age of retirement.
If the duration of the experiment lasts for 4 hours, you are capable of out-performing the rest of the boardroom before you even get promoted.
If the duration of the experiment lasts for 5 hours, then you deserve to become part of the executive management team.
If the duration of the experiment lasts for 6 hours, then you deserve a bank holiday to recover and a bonus for talented performance.
If the duration of the experiment lasts for 7 hours, then you should arrange a sick leave call and do your homework while resting.
If the duration of the experiment lasts for 8 hours, then the bank should pay you a consultation fee for any homework done while sick.
If the duration of the experiment lasts for 9 hours, then the bank should also pay you a lump sum for your long-standing company performance.
If the duration of the experiment lasts for 10 hours, then the bank should pay for an amount of overtime during a fiscal holiday.
If the duration of the experiment lasts for 11 hours, then the bank should pay a fee for equipment maintenance.
If the duration of the experiment lasts for 12 hours, then the bank should also let you take an early retirement for your next career plan.
If the duration of the experiment lasts above 12 hours in one day, then you also need to own a street, so that the neighbours can't complain about being kept awake at night.

Google says (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 12 years ago | (#3670171)

John Burwell, (210) 930-8313, 1441 Contour Dr, San Antonio, TX 78212
Brian King, (210) 930-8313, 1441 Contour Dr, San Antonio, TX 78212

Is one of these Cora's father/brother? Or is there more competition than just Troi?

BoA_ATM: (2)

Scoria (264473) | more than 12 years ago | (#3700341)

As one of your few trusted advisors, I assure you that "Chris Madrid's" on Blanco is not a weapon of Project Faustus.
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