Journal bluefairee's Journal: attention 3
i can't say what i'm doing now is for attention...usually the only reason i say i've done anything is because i'm afraid that if he finds out later i'll really be in trouble...a childhood issue. besides, i can't even pass thru the room with him in it without him asking how i am or him telling me he loves me or getting a gigantuous hug. so, attention is certainly not lacking in this house. usually i want to be alone and that's why i spend so much time outside...to get away from everyone. i feel like any attention i get now is pity and i refuse that. sometimes i even wish people didn't read my journal entries, but truth is i know i need it. i know i need to have people out there who care and who can let me know by commenting. i would much rather dave get the attention and support, but i know he'd only try to redirect it to me.
in any case, i made it thru the day. all the trees are trimmed and cut up and we can actually see the sidewalk now. like i said...all my time is usually spent outside. i'm not glad dave is sick, but it's made me feel somewhat needed. really all i do is kick him off the computer and make him go lay down and make sure his water glass is never empty. yesterday i did all the laundry...yes even his stinky boxers:) it was nice to feel needed even though i knew he could and would do it himself. i like paying attention to others and right now it's frustrating because i have to focus on me and it's driving me nutsoid!
i better sign off...din din is ready.
blue
Re: (Score:2)
Attention (Score:1)
Yep. Sorry if I'm a bit provocative at times, it's somewhat intentional. I get the impression that you've got a good grip on that attention chapter. And eh, I wasn't implying you did this because of wanting attention, more that it is a partial factor in how you came to be who you are today. But you know what, I read a scientific report that says that in a period of just 4 months, we can completely reprogram ourselves as being optimistic or pessimistic, confident or cautious.. Your brain constantly change
not pity (Score:1)
if i pitied you, it would mean i thought you were in such a sad state that all i could do is feel sorry for you. i don't feel that way. i feel bad for you, but it really is quite different. i know i didn't enjoy those kinds of feelings when i had somewhat similar emotions rolling through me. i don't wish that on anyone. it sounds like you're having them more intensely than i did, so it's tough for me to imagine it being worse.
it is my belief that you'll find a way to go