Frater 219's Journal: Why ethicists don't sleep with other people's wives

I live with a philosophy graduate student. It's contagious. Note, none of these are particularly meant to be offensive, except possibly the Peter Singer one. Sorry, Pete, I just couldn't resist a zoophilia joke.

The moral realist doesn't sleep with other people's wives because it would be wrong.

The Kantian doesn't do it because if everyone did that, someone would be sleeping with his wife.

The natural law theorist doesn't do it because it would be a violation of the marriage contract.

The emotivist doesn't because -- ew, yuck, sleeping with other people's wives!

The consequentialist doesn't because he doesn't want to sleep with a woman who would cheat on her husband.

The cultural relativist doesn't do it because the culture he lives in rather arbitrarily happens to value sanctity of matrimony.

The utilitarian doesn't because he figures that extramarital affairs cause more bad than good.

The moral skeptic doesn't for no particular reason.

The hedonist doesn't because he doesn't feel like it.

Peter Singer doesn't do it because there's nothing that makes other people's wives ethically preferable over, say, goats.

The virtue ethicist doesn't do it because what kind of a person would he be if he did?

The feminist doesn't because other people's wives are usually straight.