Liora's Journal: Well, I think there is a resolution

The couple I have been fretting over has reached a resolution that I think will work out. If it happens again, even one more time, he's going to leave for a while, and there are witnesses to back that up and make sure that it really happens. In the meantime, he's going to get some help. Reading your responses helped my friend know that she could take a stand and require that he get help as well as blow the air of secrecy surrounding the whole thing without feeling like she's being overbearing or demanding, which is what I hoped it would do for her. You guys are awesome. (And thank goodness you are predictably awesome with good answers and statements to sufficiently empower a pretty distraught wife.)

Almost posted....

[FroMan]

I almost got this posted at the other one before it was deleted. I hope things do work out as you have written above.

Rather than let this finger wiggling go to waste, here it is in your journal for posterity (my own form of pride).

Rather than knee-jerk to the immediate, "she should leave," response as most here have, I'll give you a different perspective.

First, on divorce. Entering into marriage, God is binding a couple together. Christ tells us that is the case as, "What God has joined, let no man pu

Re:Almost posted....

[dead sun]

There's a lot here that I want to touch, but I'm just not going to do it.

Instead, I'll simply respond to the one thing that irks me the most. I'll state my reaction was not in any way knee jerk. I am of the solid opinion that an abusive home is not a healthy home, and there are options available to people who are the subject of violence, one of which is leaving. There is no need for anybody to tolerate violence.

Re:Almost posted....

[elmegil]

I've been trying to figure a way to say this for nearly 24 hours now. I keep writing some variation or other and then deleting it before I post. I think this time will actually make it, we'll see.

I agree that violence is not excusable. I don't share FroMan's God Centered point of view, so you can't claim I'm using that as a prop to justify the unjustifiable (which, BTW I don't mean to project onto FroMan either, but I get that sense from your response). I do think that there is some middle ground, and I

Re:Almost posted....

[dead sun]

I don't think that I made my statements out as anything but if it's bad enough she should leave. I say I don't think because the posts are gone, and I can't really look back to see if that's the case. However, that is what my intent had been. At some point losses must be cut and there isn't hope to work things out.

What I posted here should be clear and concise, and has nothing to do any God centric view. While I despise any outlook like God has it in for you, so even leaving will only get you beaten in the

Re:Almost posted....

[FroMan]

No, I don't think you were projecting (or atleast inaccurately). Your comment in many ways was the sentiment I was looking for, or atleast that there are often more complex solutions to what appears initially to be a simple problem.

Re:Almost posted....

[FroMan]

When StB says, "I was pretty shocked to see that many people had the same thoughts as I did," and buttress that with the "get the hell out of Dodge" comments, I would say that is pretty knee-jerk. Certainly there was some thought that went through folk's minds, but most comments came down to that sentiment.

While violence is not good, infact I do give scripture reference to back that up, is plainly there. However, the issue is not as simple as "it hurts, don't do it." It is part of the fallen world we li

Re:Almost posted....

[dead sun]

My response to Elmegil's mentioned response stands. I think most responses to the original question were in kind, that if the situation was as bad as it was coming across, leaving was an option, and as an objective third party with nothing invested, that's what they would do. I feel there's a point where losses just have to be cut. Only the people in question can decide that point, assuming authorities don't step in first. But it's often the case that a victim will play it off as far better than it is. We'v

Re:Almost posted....

[andr0meda]

Talking about knee-jerking. Just understand that you don't need any of these bibles, christian faith or religion to understand that violence in a household has no place. I'll explain.

A domestic household is an evolutionary process, during which all parties can come to agree or disagree with what is happening. If at one point you don't agree with the evolution, there are only 2 options: a) resolve it or b) leave. Both options will cost you energy, and both will hurt on both sides, but resolving is always

Re:Almost posted....

[FroMan]

Well, that's rather snippy, huh?

Anyways, one thing to consider is that this is (was) a case where the couple is not only Christian and involved with the church (per description of two previous entries which have since been deleted). I wrote from a Christian perspective, for that reason, and that I also believe in what I wrote.

Anyways, as the situation seems to be rather resolved (as this JE is several weeks old now) and Liora has not brought up further discussion of it, I'm going to let this rest instead

Re:Almost posted....

[andr0meda]

Okay, agreed, I dropped in a little late in this so it's probably better to let it rest. I also didn't want to offend anyone who is religious, I have a lot of sympathy and respect for that. But my senses jump to red alert when common day problems are approached from a religious angle rather than with common sense.

People can hold on to it religion, when they have nothing or nobody else to hold on to. That's good. That's valuable. That's progress. But if my post sounds a bit snippy it's because in my r

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[account_deleted]

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Re:I was pretty shocked to see

[TechnoLust]

You didn't think any of us were as wise as you, oh Genius? ;-)

Re:

[account_deleted]

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responsibility

[blinder]

i just hope through this resolution, doesn't mean she is absolved of her responsibility to make sure she isn't keeping herself in a dangerous environment. What I mean is... you said the agreement means he has to leave. Well, that assumes when he blows his top (and it will happen) that this means she is going to trust *him* to honor this.

I would hope that part of this agreement, there is a clause that says something like, if he does freak out, and doesn't leave, she will and do so post haste.

its about establishing boundaries... and she needs to do that... and stick to them... so when the shit hits the fan... she knows exactly what to do. Get outta Dodge.

I hope he is serious about getting help, and actually works on it. if so... then he can start rebuilding the trust that he's destroyed.

Hope for the best

[dead sun]

I'm happy to have helped out in any little way and hope for their best in the future. Make sure she knows it's her life to live, and she gets to make the decisions regarding it, even if they're tough ones.