Migor's Journal: The history of Migor

Migor does feel rotten. Migor did drink a bottle of Tequila from a filthy place called Mexico. It did make Migor drunk and he became foolish like a child who was drunk on tequila.

Then Migor became wistful and he did think of days gone by when he was a child. He remembers how he used to run through the fields of blue pepper trees and would hunt the polka dot giraffes so he could feed his mother.

Giraffe meat is the finest meat available on the planet Migor grew up on, whose name you cannot understand. Migor did kill them with his laser spear, then he would clean the carcass with his trusty laser pocket knife. Then he would BBQ them on his George Forman grill.

Then one day Migor was arrested for poaching. This is because many people would kill the Giraffes for their ivory tusks and not for the meat, but Migor only killed them for food and he used all of the giraffe just like the Indians do today. (Note: Migor invented Indians because he felt Euro-people did not have enough guilt).

That is when Migor did learn that the Universe is not a fair place. While in prison he was abused by a mega Sex maniac from Tarvon 12; a creature with over ten thousand members. It was pure evil.

At this point Migor changed his mind. He decided he no longer wanted to be a punk in the mega space-prison. He also did not want to be that poor giraffe hunter anymore.

And with that, POOF!. Migor then escaped with the power of his mind.

The first thing Migor did was build his lair upon a space station which was in orbit in the vastness of outer space. He did steal the space station from some Arab guy in a crooked game of poker.

In that lair Migor did have a giant tank where he kept sharks with laser beams that did escape from their nostrils. All history books concede that Migor did have the first colony of man eating sharks in outer space.

Then he laid down his commandments which are as follows:

I: Humans will be forever stupid and think they evolved from monkeys even though they weren't.

II: People with glasses are stupid Dorks.

III: From this day forward peoples eyes will not be visible in the dark except in Cartoons.

IV: Homosexuals shall be laughed at and mocked until the end of days.

V: People will see an ad for the Insider Pizza at Pizza Hut and they will think it might be good, but instead it will suck.

VI: Roman numerals are retarded.

VII: The center of the known Universe will be a 7-11 in Cleveland, Ohio, and from this day forward everything shall be referenced to 'Cleveland Zero Space' on all planets and galaxies except the one Cleveland is located so they do not get a big head.

VIII: Laughter is not the best medicine. Illegal narcotics are.

And with that the entire universe did change and Migor's pet, Reptar took these commandments which were written upon a cocktail napkin and he did place them in a massive arc which was buried in the lost desert city of Kojazz.