aebd's Journal: no freaking clue

things just kinda suck. I have no clue why she keeps talking to me despite the proclaimed love for her, and her unacceptance of it. Despite the comments, despite the jealousy. Yet she still is there, she still wants to do things with me. Doesn't she know it's killing me? There are only two solutions, either I find someone else ( not likely any time soon ), or we not do stuff together. Out of sight, out of mind.

It seems that most people would have choosen to go away at this point, to drop the weirdness. I don't understand it. It doesn't mean she secretly wants me, she's said it wouldn't work. yet I proclaim my love on accident again and it doesn't seem to really change anything. Isn't that messed up somehow?

Or maybe it's worse that I know all this, I know the solution, yet am unable to actually go through with it. How do you cut someone out of your life when it's because of your own weakness? How can i simply ignore all the signs that this isn't good for me in some completely foolish blind hope or desire??? it makes no fucking sense, and yet I love the time we're together, but inevitably dread the time apart, because that just starts the problems all over again.

Be upfront and honest

[Safety Cap]

Tell her what you've told us and ask her why she still wants to hang out.

That will clear up your question, and possibly raise additional ones. :)

Re:Be upfront and honest

[aebd]

HaHa. Very funny.

I think that geoswan may have it right. The problem with asking is that it'll just make her uncomfortable, it always does, but it always seems to go back to normal. I would hope that she isn't secretly harbouring feelings that such questions would bring out. Cause man that would just be trajic.

You are lucky

[geoswan]

It may not seem this way, but you are a lucky guy.

Do you know how many guys have the opposite complaint?

We were friends,

I fell in love with her,

I told her so,

and now she won't even want to talk to me anymore !

Maybe your friend has more trust and faith in you, your intelligence, and your overall integrity than the friends those other guys complain about? Or maybe she is just a selfish person who doesn't care how what she does affects other people?

I suspect the former.

Frankly, if the former hold

Re:You are lucky

[aebd]

You know, and it makes me feel stupid, but I hadn't thought of that. It does put a different perspective on it.

The problem is though, is that I'm becoming a little bi polar in regaurds to this. Sometimes I feel like just dumping it all now and just making what will happen in 3 months come earlier. We will both be moving away then, and well we all know what happens with friends when you move away.

The other side is that I keep wondering if there is something and she's just too afraid or whatever. Or m

Wishful thinking,& gals who send mixed message

[geoswan]

Can I give you some more advice?

Wishful thinking can be an extremely powerful thing.

I had a young housemate. I'll call him J. He was 21 years old. Wishful thinking had a stranglehold on him. He liked a young woman -- P I will call her. It was pretty obvious to all of us that P didn't reciprocate J's feelings. He'd come home from work. He rode his motorcycle for one hour to get home. And I guess he must have been thinking about girls in general, and P in particular. Because he would often get ho