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Vegetarian/Vegan Terrorism

FortKnox (169099) writes | more than 9 years ago

User Journal 29

Save Toby.

He's a cute bunny, rescued from the cold, nursed back to health... and I'm going to EAT HIM unless you pay me $50 large.

The sad thing? He's already raised ~$13k.Save Toby.

He's a cute bunny, rescued from the cold, nursed back to health... and I'm going to EAT HIM unless you pay me $50 large.

The sad thing? He's already raised ~$13k.

I'm going to the pound for a basket full of kittens.....

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29 comments

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Why not ... (1)

tomhudson (43916) | more than 9 years ago | (#11609007)

It's a slow news day - why not see if you can get one of the editors to take this as a story?

One problem... (1)

Pirogoeth (662083) | more than 9 years ago | (#11609010)

...are there that many good kiten recipies out there? Seems like they'd be all bones and fur...

Re:One problem... (1)

TechnoLust (528463) | more than 9 years ago | (#11609986)

of course there are [cmu.edu] ! This is all the more funny considering I had Chinese for lunch. :-)

I'm allergic to kittens... (1)

tuxette (731067) | more than 9 years ago | (#11609098)

How about some puppies instead? ;-)

Stupid people and their money (1)

wowbagger (69688) | more than 9 years ago | (#11609209)

So goes stupid people and their money.

Ultimately, that is ALL of our fates - something is going to eat us.

Even if you are cremated, some plant will eat your carbon dioxide and water.

Had that bunny been born in the wild, its fate would have been to be eaten by a fox, or coyote, or worms. It wouldn't have been dispatched as quickly as a human would - possibly the feast would have begun while the rabit was still alive.

Re:Stupid people and their money (1)

BandwidthHog (257320) | more than 9 years ago | (#11617110)

possibly the feast would have begun while the rabit was still alive.

Nah, they're blessed with an automatic off switch. Kinda like peril-sensitive sunglasses; enough terror and they thump a few times then go dark.

Kittens? (1)

ryanr (30917) | more than 9 years ago | (#11609395)

I don't want to know what you'll be doing to kill a whole basket of kittens.

Re:Kittens? (1)

mekkab (133181) | more than 9 years ago | (#11609445)

I don't want to know what you'll be doing to kill a whole basket of kittens.

He must have gotten the new Victoria's Secret catalog in the mail.

Fap, Fap, Grrr, Stampa, Stampa

Oh kitty, we hardly knew ye

Re:Kittens? (1)

Abm0raz (668337) | more than 9 years ago | (#11610101)

Every time a woman masturbates,
God creates a puppy.
Won't you please think of the puppies?

-Ab

Re:Kittens? (1)

curtisk (191737) | more than 9 years ago | (#11609546)

I don't want to know what you'll be doing to kill a whole basket of kittens.

Or how he'll prepare them afterwards....marinade overnight or boil then pan-crisp? He's still talking about eating right? If its anything else well thats just weird :p

Re:Kittens? (1)

kesuki (321456) | more than 9 years ago | (#11614724)

I imagine a .22 would work fine 10 cents per kitten, can't get much cheaper than that.... and maybe if you line them up you can kill two kittens with one bullet.

The kittens are all gone (1)

TheConfusedOne (442158) | more than 9 years ago | (#11609681)

Thank instapundit for a run on kittens, puppies, and blenders.

Now that is some funny shit. (0)

Scott Lockwood (218839) | more than 9 years ago | (#11610157)

I just spit latte all over my flat pannel.

Fuck you, Vlaggot. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11618337)

"Latte". OMG. You suck so bad.

Re:Now that is some funny shit. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11618630)

Invest in a dictionary, Lockwood.

Re:Now that is some funny shit. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11618800)

You fat worthless dick-sucking pile of child-molesting shit.

Burn in Hell, Lockwood. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11618851)

No one cares about your faggy caffeinated beverages.

Re:Now that is some funny shit. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11618918)

I heard you had to get rid of your cat because your kids caught you touching its "danger zone." You sick cat-molesting fuck!

Re:Now that is some funny shit. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11618955)

Awwww. Little Vladdie has a "flat pannel". Is that your status symbol, Scottie? Is that how you plan to fit in with the rest of the useless trash that inhabit this site? You are so ingrained with white-trash DNA. Just trade a Firebird for a Flat Pannel and you have Vlad - the Marticocksucking fat fuck from Joliet. Go piss on yourself you worthless piece of shit.

Re:Now that is some funny shit. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11618985)

Hi Scottie!

I miss you so much! I'll get in touch soon, k? We can talk about anything and everything just like old times!

Rap at ya soon, babe!
Teddy

Re:Now that is some funny shit. (1)

FortKnox (169099) | more than 9 years ago | (#11625618)

wow... a lot of anonymous craplflooders really hate you!

Re:Now that is some funny shit. (0)

Scott Lockwood (218839) | more than 9 years ago | (#11625985)

Heh - don't be fooled. It's all Craig. Even the people that used to like him have all contacted me privately to let me know they're sorry, and that it's all one demented loser. Sigh. Such is life. This is the only reason I'm a subscriber - I can log them out of my own diary.

Re:Now that is some funny shit. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11643594)

Here's the [FART] deal: I'm trying to [FART] provide a service, and make a dishonest [SWEAT] buck. That's all. I know less about a Slash or [FART] Scoop site than anyone that I [FART] know of, and I have some of the worst admins in the weblog business (guys like Flikx [FART], Captain_Tenille, Hillctand Bozoman).

[FAAART]

We are running on a new server (the last of our sites are crashing today) as a result of our fucking up our [FART] old one (which was doing fine til I got to it, we had poor service with PANT PANT PANT Aphasianet, and I highly recommend them to [FART] no one) and are moving forward with our plans to bring Slash and [FART] Scoop (preferably Scoop [FART]) to the masses, despite my inflamed asshole [BUUURP]. I have no idea what has set it off so [FART... FAARRRRRRRTTT... SQUIRT!].

[FAAAART FART SWEAT]

Geekizoid [FART] did used to cover some fairly [FART] controversial stuff, we did used to [FART] crapflood and abuse [FART] security holes (go ask MsGeek, or the guys who ran letsriot.com about how secure PHP/Nuke is) and that was our main [FART SWEAT PANT HUFF FART] focus. Know what kills me here? [FAAART] I originally provided Geekizoid as a place that the average geek [BURP] who felt slashdot was oppressive [FART] could go and jerk off on. That's it. It was fun. [FART] [FART] [FART] [BURP] We did want to hurt anyone. [SWEAT] We were advocating criminal acts. [FAAART] We wanted to escape Slashdot's "users" like [FART] [BURP] Vladinator [SWEAT], and Scott Lockwood [FART], who at that time were definitely harassing the trolls [BURP] and others in Slashdot's sid=10gramspoppylatex. In fact, [FART] I once bitched at Cardinal Law that he should be more [SWEAT] cooperative and [BURP] in fact nice because I could [FART] prove a direct correlation between [SWEAT] increased posting on Geekizoid and a reduction of [FART] child molestation in Chicago.

[HICCUP] [HICCUP] [FART] [BURP]

It was working! [FAAART] We had our own place [FART], and the level of signal on Slashdot was reduced as a result. [FART] [FART] I made some gay friends along the way [BUUURP]. Then my hosting provider decided to go out of business [FART]. He's still gay, but to my knowledge he no longer does shit-sex [HICCUP]. All his sites shut down [FART]. It was at that point that we decided to go into [SWEAT] [FART] business failure for ourselves, to continue to provide the level of [FAAAART] hosting (or lack thereof) [FART] we had at [FART] Engaging.net. Talks with [SWEAT] Engaging [FART] to eat them out [HICCUP] [HICCUP] [FART] went down at the last [BURP] minute, and we ended up having to [FART] get our own server. That was when we struck [SWEAT] the deal with Aphasianet.

Later [FART], when we were [FART] [SNIFF] hosting something like [BURRRP] 2 sites, we had to [FART] move, and [FAAART] [SNIFF] elected to [BUUURP] use the terrible [SNIFF] services offered [FART] by [FART] johncompanies.com - [FART] an arrangement [SNIFF] we [FART] [HICCUP] are STILL [FAAART] very [SNIFF] unhappy with [BURP] [SWEAT], that [FART] will [SWEAT] continue to [FAAART] provide [BURP] [SNIFF] [HICCUP] the worst [FART] possible [FART] level [FART] of [FART] service [FART] for [FART] our [FART] customers. Does [FAAAAART] that [SNIFF] really [FART] make [FART] me [FAAAAAART] the bad guy? [BURP] I'm still [FART] missing the [FART] point of the [FAAART] harassment.

[FAAAAAAAAAAAAART] [BURP] [HICCUP] [SNIFF]

[FAP FAP FAP]

[EJACULATE]

Re:Now that is some funny shit. (0)

Anonymous Coward | more than 9 years ago | (#11645229)

Vlad muted the television and perked his ears up. He thought he heard a loud banging on the door. Popping another 10mg of Prozac, his fifth of the day, Vlad decided he wasn't hallucinating and farted. Hoisted himself up from squatting position on the couch, he scratched at his crotch through his stained briefs, and waddled on over to the door. The pounding was still going on, and he was sure the screen door would need fixing, which meant it would hang dented forever. Scott opened the door.

Starata bellowed as he ran in through the opened doorway, knocking Scott to his ass. Pots and pans scattered about and garbage spilled all over the kitchen floor as he rolled around trying to regain his footing. Scott's arms and legs waved in the air, like a beetle turned over on its back. A dung beetle, that is.

"This abuse of my beautiful daughter must stop now, William Scott!" Starata yelled in a thick Slovenian accent. "You no treat her right, she is so much woman for you and you disrespect her. You disrespect me too!" he added as he gave Scott's gut a kick.

Scott stood upright, sweat pouring over his face. The room filled with the smell of Vlad's unhealthy colon as he farted in anxiety. It was some sort of animalistic defense mechanism when he felt threatened, akin to a skunk's musk gland.

Screaming at the top of his lungs, Vlad began his default threat. "Ever see TERMINATOR 3?! THAT'S the kind of--"

Vlad was stopped short by a punch to the gut, followed by more angry yelling by Starata.

"You live in squalor! You are nothing more than fat, lazy bum who can not provide for my beautiful Slovenian star. Get a job! Work! Keep food on the table!"

Vlad shook with rage, the old familiar feeling of someone rubbing his failed life in his face returning. One would think that at this point Scott would be used to his failures and people pointing them out, but he found himself in the middle of yet another violent rage. The difference this time was that he was in the room with Reza's father, who proved a little harder to manhandle than Reza did. Vlad tried once again to threaten the old man.

"I own a business. Go fuck yourself!" he squawked. "Welcome to /dev/null!!!"

With this, Vlad leapt at Starata, arms held in some pseudo-martial arts maneuver. Starata, arthritis and all, was a foot away by the time Scott reached the spot where he'd been standing. Vlad connected with thin air, the lack of resistance causing him to lose his balance. He fell face-forward into the dog's food dish. Wet, liver-flavored mush covered his flabby chin and Coke-bottle glasses. He sputtered and spat pieces of the foul-tasting paste onto the kitchen floor.

Starata kicked Scott in his ass, again pressing Vlad's fat head into the dog's dish.

"You have job in week, or I come back with shotgun!" the old Slav promised. With this he turned on heel and walked out of the door and down the rickety wooden steps, away from 1205 Dearborn. Chained, fenced dogs barked at his passing well after he had left in a trail of exhaust smoke.

Vlad, crying in rage he was not able to properly vent, could think of only two things that would make him feel better right then and there.

"REZA, YOU FAT FUCKING CUNT, BRING YOUR WALRUS ASS IN HERE. AND BRING MARTICOCK TOO!"

He'll Get the Money (1)

the_mad_poster (640772) | more than 9 years ago | (#11611603)

Then the RIAA will take it all away from him in a lawsuit on behalf of Tears for Fears.

*Yawn* (1)

cyranoVR (518628) | more than 9 years ago | (#11615729)

Correct me if i'm wrong, but isn't this a variation of the virtual panhandler trend from last year which started with http://giveboobs.com/ [giveboobs.com] ?

Reminds me of a story my grandmother once told me...she grew up on a farm in the boonies of NC. Had piggies on the farm, one of which she raised from pigglethood up to great swinedom. She really loved that piggie, gave it a name and everything...until one day it was time for bacon. The story would be perfect if it ended with her doing the slaughtering, but I'm pretty sure her father did it.

Anyway, there's that.

The Fiend! (1)

Red Warrior (637634) | more than 9 years ago | (#11615855)

[voice="Buzz Lightyear"]Why can't he leave innocent kittens out of his nefarious plans?![/voice]

anti (1)

orange_6 (320700) | more than 9 years ago | (#11621594)

Would this be considered veg*n terrorism? It seems more extortionary than anything. Pay me or I'll eat something cute!

What pisses me off is that people do this kind of stuff just to rile veg*ns, like the infamous bunny eating that went on over at LJ last year (can't find a link...too many people have bunny/rabbit in their journals and I'm lazy). Not to say that the veg*ns aren't any different, just look at the crazy shit that PETA does, I support the cause but they've smoked way too much crack for my likes.

Eh, let me know if the orange kittens taste like butterscotch or citrus.
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